Ridley laughed softly at that. “Are you crushing on my date?”
“No. I’m just…” Just what? Trying to convince myself that I was happy for him? I didn’t have anything, so I let it hang in the air.
“Did you really not remember her?” Ridley asked. “I mean, you guys are about the same age and went to school together, and there aren’t that many people in town.”
“No, of course I remembered her. Her name just slipped my mind,” I lied.
“You have had a lot to worry about lately.” His tone shifted from playful to thoughtful. “Is that what you were doing out here?”
“What?” I glanced over at him.
“Figuring out how you’re going to exact your revenge on Konstantin?”
“Something like that,” I muttered, feeling angry at myself that that wasn’t actually what I’d been doing.
I should have been doing that, but instead I was stupidly and childishly trying not to think about how handsome Ridley looked tonight and the way his hair curled more at the end of the day, when the gel couldn’t fight it any longer, and how the stubble darkened his jaw in a way that made me want to touch it, to feel it like sandpaper against my cheek if he leaned in for a kiss, and how badly I wished he were slipping his strong arm around my waist and whispering in my ear instead of Juni’s.
“You should clue me in on your plans,” Ridley said.
I looked at him sharply, terrified for a second that he’d been able to read my thoughts, but then I realized that he was talking about my plans for Konstantin. “Why? So you can talk me out of them?”
“No. I want to help.” He turned to face me, putting his hand on the railing so his fingers brushed against mine. The metal felt icy cold, and his fingers felt like delicious fire against mine, radiating all through me. “I meant what I said earlier. I’m part of this too, and I don’t mean just because I’m your boss. I know what this guy did to you and what he did to your family. I want to help you catch him.”
It was too dark out for me to really see his eyes, but I could feel the heat from them, the new intensity I’d begun noticing when he looked at me sometimes, and it made my heart forget how to beat properly.
I looked away from him, unable to deal with the way he was looking at me, the way he made me feel, or even how close he was to me. His fingers on mine were cooling against the iron railing, but that didn’t stop the heat from coursing through my veins.
And suddenly I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t want to be around him, making me feel a way that I refused to feel.
I stepped back from the railing, pulling my hand away from his. “Thank you. But right now my only plans are helping Linus get ready and surviving the anniversary party tomorrow night.” I motioned to the door behind me. “Which means that I probably should be getting home to get some sleep.”
“Good call. I should be heading out soon too.”
I took a step backward, still facing him like I was afraid he would attack me if I turned away, and I reached behind me, fumbling for the door handle. Ridley moved closer. The balcony wasn’t that big, so it only took a step and he was right in front of me, staring down at me. The light was coming through the glass doors, illuminating his face, and he appeared breathtakingly handsome.
The scent of his cologne blended perfectly with the winter air around us, making him smell tantalizingly clean and crisp, and I imagined that it came in a blue bottle with a name like Aspen or Evergreen. His chest nearly touched me, and for a second time I froze completely, terrified that he would kiss me and terrified that he wouldn’t.
Then he reached around me, his arm pressing against my side in a way that made me involuntarily tremble.
“Let me get the door for you,” Ridley said as he grabbed the door and opened it behind me. A subtle smile spread across his face, lightening it, but his eyes remained serious and fixed on me.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, lowering my head so my hair would cover my face in case I was blushing. Then I slid under his arm and darted inside the house.
“If you wait a second, Juni and I could walk you home,” he offered, and I couldn’t imagine anything that sounded worse than walking home with him and his date after having a far too vivid fantasy about kissing him.
I had already turned away, hurrying down the hall before he could catch up to me. “Thanks, but I think I got it,” I told him over my shoulder, and darted down the stairs.
As quickly as possible, I found Ember and, feigning a stomach bug, I made my excuses and escaped into the night. Just as I’d reached the door, struggling to pull on my jacket and thinking I’d made a clean escape, Juni found me.
“I’m sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well.” Juni looked genuinely sympathetic, which at that moment only succeeded in making me angrier. Of course she felt bad for me, when I was only leaving because my feelings for her date had just become all too apparent to me.
“I’ll be fine,” I insisted, and when she tried to say something more, I just turned and walked out the door. I think she was offering to walk me home when I shut the door in her face.
Instantly, I felt awful for being rude, and it wasn’t like I’d wanted to be rude. I just needed space, a moment without Ridley clouding my thoughts and emotions, where I could breathe and focus on what really mattered.
By the time I reached my place, I was nearly jogging. Instead of going up to my loft apartment, I went to the barn below. Many of the Tralla horses neighed their greetings as I walked past them, but I was on a mission and I went down to the final stall, where “my” horse, Bloom, was waiting.
He wasn’t really mine, because all of the horses belonged to the King and Queen. But Bloom and I had a special relationship. As soon as he saw me, he stretched his long neck out over the door and let out a delighted snort. He buried his snout in my hair, sniffing at me as I opened the stall door.
“I’m happy to see you too, buddy,” I said, running my hands over him. His thick silver fur felt like satin under my fingers. I grabbed his bridle from the wall, and he happily let me slip it on over his head.
Usually I would brush him or pet him more, but I wanted to get out of here. I needed to feel the wind blowing through my hair. I led Bloom out of the stables, and he followed behind me, his massive hooves clomping loudly on the ground.
I didn’t bother saddling him, but the reins were necessary. His long mane was far too soft and glossy to properly grip, and Bloom had a bad habit of stopping and starting quickly. That’s why they rarely used him in the parades or to pull carriages, despite the fact that he was one of the most beautiful Tralla horses I’d ever seen. His body was an illustrious silver that shimmered in the light like platinum. Long bangs from his mane fell into his blue eyes, and his mane, tail, and the fur covering his hooves were a beautiful snowy white.
Bloom was a happy, friendly horse, but he loved speed. For an animal with his bulk and girth, one would think he’d be slow and clunky. But Bloom was light on his feet and astonishingly fast.
He headed over to the fence, walking in front of me, and he waited patiently until I came up beside him. I had to climb up on the wooden rails of the fence to climb onto Bloom, since he was so tall.
As soon as he felt me settled in, he lunged forward without waiting for a command from me. Fortunately, I knew that was how Bloom worked, so I already had the reins gripped tightly in my hands, and Bloom raced forward. The gate was open, so he ran out to the open road, running toward the wall.
That’s where I usually rode him—along the wall that surrounded Doldastam. It gave him a long, clear path to run as fast as his thick legs would take us. And that was just what I needed. The wind stung my skin and made my hair whip back behind me, so I leaned forward, burying my face in Bloom’s neck and urging him to go faster.
I closed my eyes, and it was just me and Bloom. Any thoughts about Ridley or Konstantin or anything else at all just fell away.