“Sit down.” He motioned to the chair.
He went over to the two chairs sitting in front of his desk and turned them so they faced each other. After he sat down, he gestured to the other one, so I went over and sat down across from him. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs, and by the gravity in his eyes, I knew this conversation wasn’t going the way I’d hoped it would.
“Do you want me to be completely honest with you?” he asked.
“Always.”
“What the hell are you thinking?” Ridley asked with such force and incredulity that it surprised me.
“I…” I fumbled for words. “What?”
“Okay, truthfully, yes, I probably can pull some strings and make it happen. If you really wanted to get out of here, I could switch your assignment with Simon’s.”
I waited a beat, and he didn’t add the but, so I figured I’d have to ask. “But you’re not gonna do it?”
“No, I will,” Ridley said. “If that’s what you really want. And if you really want to blow your chance at ever becoming a H?gdragen.”
I lowered my eyes, and when I tried to argue against it, my words came out weak. “It won’t hurt my chances.”
“This is the first time the King ever gave you a direct order, and it’s a very simple one. And you can’t follow it.” Ridley sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You’re already fighting an uphill battle to be a guard because you’re half Skojare, not to mention there are only a handful of women in the H?gdragen.”
I gritted my teeth. “I know what I’m up against.”
“I know you know that,” Ridley said, sounding exasperated. “Do you even still want to be on the H?gdragen?”
“Of course I do!”
He shook his head, like he wasn’t sure he believed me anymore. “Then explain to me what the hell is going on with you right now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, but I refused to meet his gaze.
“You know this could ruin your shot at the one thing you want most in the world, and yet you’re still fighting against it. Why do you want to get out of here so badly?”
I clenched my jaw and found it hard to speak around the lump growing in my throat. “I let him go,” I said, and my words came out barely above a whisper.
“Konstantin Black?” he asked like he already knew the answer.
I looked away, staring at the wall and struggling to keep my anger under control. Tentatively, Ridley reached out and placed a hand on my knee. It was meant to be comforting, and the warmth of his skin through the fabric of my jeans was just enough to distract me.
“You did the right thing,” Ridley told me. “You did what you needed to do to protect Linus.”
“Maybe I did.” I finally turned to look at him, letting my cool gaze meet his. “Or maybe I could’ve snapped his neck right then, and we’d all be rid of him forever.”
If he saw the ice and hatred in my eyes, he didn’t let on. His expression was filled only with concern, and he didn’t even flinch at my wishful thinking about murder.
“If you really believe that, then why didn’t you kill him?” Ridley asked reasonably.
“The truth?” I asked, and suddenly I felt afraid to say it aloud. But with Ridley staring at me, waiting, I knew I had to finally admit it. “I don’t think he wanted to kill my father.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“When I walked in on him, standing over my father with his sword bloodied, he apologized and said that he was bound to something higher than the kingdom,” I tried to explain.
“So you think he … what?” His forehead scrunched, and he shook his head. “I don’t understand.”
“There was a look in his eyes. Regret.” I thought back to Konstantin, and the pain I’d seen in his smoky eyes. “No, it was remorse.”
“Remorse?” Ridley sat up a bit straighter. “You think you saw remorse in his eyes? So, what? You just forgave him?”
“No. No,” I said adamantly. “I’ll never forgive him. But I think he regretted what he did, even before he did it. And it doesn’t make sense. I need to know why he did it.”
“He could just be insane, Bryn,” Ridley said, going to the only reason that anybody had ever been able to come up with for Konstantin’s behavior. “Your dad had never had a cross word with him, and then one night Konstantin just snapped.”
“No. He’s too smart, too calculated. And now with this attack on Linus…” I chewed the inside of my cheek as I thought. “It’s all connected. He’s plotting something.”
“If he’s still working toward some ultimate goal, then he doesn’t regret it,” Ridley pointed out. “If he felt genuine remorse, he should be looking for absolution, not trying to hurt more people.”
“Not if someone else is pulling his strings,” I countered. “And if someone is, I need to find out who it is.”
“Konstantin might be an innocent pawn in all of this?” Ridley questioned doubtfully.
“No. I don’t know what is motivating him, but he drew his sword against my father with his own hand. That fault lies entirely with him.”
Konstantin may have come to regret what he’d done. He could even cry about it every night, but it didn’t change the fact that he’d done it, and he knew exactly what he was doing. When I went into the Queen’s office that night, he was preparing to finish the job as I watched.
Regardless of what guilt he might feel or what reason might drive him, Konstantin had still acted of his own accord.
“You want to leave here so you can find him and hold him responsible,” Ridley said.
“Yes.” I looked up at him, pleading with him to let me go, to let me finish what Konstantin had started. “He needs to be brought to justice, and so does anyone else he’s working with.”
“Justice? Does that mean you’ll drag them all back here? Or are you gonna kill them all?”
“Whichever one I need to do. But I’m not letting Konstantin get away again,” I told him, and I meant it with all my heart. I’d never killed anyone before, but I would do whatever I needed to do.
Ridley seemed to consider this for a moment, then he pulled his hand back from my leg—leaving it feeling cool and naked without his warm touch—and he rubbed the back of his neck. “You can’t go after him alone, and you can’t go right now.”
“Ridley—” I began, but he cut me off.
“I don’t care if you think Linus doesn’t need you and the King is an idiot. You are needed here right now.” Ridley held up his hand, silencing any more protests I might have before I could voice them. “At least for the time being. Once everyone is gone after the party, and Linus is settled in, if you still need to go on your personal vendetta, we can talk about it. We can make it happen.”
“We?” I shook my head. “You don’t have to be a part of this.”
“But I am anyway.” He lowered his head and exhaled deeply. When he looked up, his dark eyes met mine, and when he spoke, his voice was softer. “Stay.”
“Is that an order?” I asked, but by the look in his eyes, I knew it wasn’t.
“No. It’s not,” he admitted. “But stay anyway.”