Chapter 24
Kyler
Once those words left my mouth, I knew it was the right thing to say. There was no doubt in my mind. It was what I should’ve said years ago, from the first moment I realized how deep my feelings for her ran. And there was a good chance it was too late now, but a weight lifted off my shoulders. I’d spilled the truth. I didn’t expect my apologies to be enough right now, but telling her how I felt could open a door for later. At least, that’s what I hoped.
But the longer Syd was quiet, the more worried I become. Syd looked a little dumbstruck. She didn’t move. Her hands were limp in her lap, palms up. She didn’t say anything. Her pretty, rosy lips were parted. She just stared at me.
It felt like I’d been punched in the gonads. Had I messed up so badly that my declaration of love had blown her mind in all the wrong ways? Aw man, I didn’t like this feeling. Most likely deserved it, but that didn’t make it easier to swallow, especially when her eyes turned glassy, as if she were fighting tears.
I hadn’t planned on that. Fuck.
“Syd, baby, say something, please.” I dropped my hands on my thighs to stop myself from grabbing her. “Please.”
She gave a little shake of her head, causing a few shorter strands to slip free from her bun. Dark tendrils brushed her temples and the nape of her neck. Then she leaned forward. Before I knew what she was doing, she cupped my cheeks with trembling hands.
Okay. This was good. This was heading somewhere I’d—
“I want to strangle you,” she said, her voice hoarse.
All right, that wasn’t good. Not at all.
“You have no idea how badly I want to kick you right now,” she added.
And that was worse. This wasn’t—
“I love you,” she said, and she swallowed. “I’ve loved you since you pushed me down on the playground. I swear—I’ve loved you since then.”
“I…what?” I stared at her. “What did you just say?”
Syd kissed me.
Her lips were soft against mine; the touch was hesitant and breathtakingly her and so damn sweet. I inhaled her through the kiss, pulling her deep into me. My brain shut down as I reveled in her kiss, like a dog rolling onto his back for a belly rub. I rose without thinking, my hands falling to her hips. She grabbed my upper arms, her fingers digging into my sweater in a way that had my entire body throbbing.
“Say it again,” I pleaded.
Her lips curved up at the corners. “I love you, Kyler.”
A shudder rolled through me. I lifted her up and set her down further on the bed. I came over her, kissing her back. In seconds our bodies were flush with one another. My tongue swept past her lips and she moaned, sending a thrill through me. Her hands ran down my back and mine found their way under the heavy sweater, against her camisole. She arched, as if willing my hand to travel further north. I rose slightly, my gaze drifting over her sweetly flushed face, long graceful neck, and the hard tips of her breasts straining against the thin material. My body shook with the effort to not strip her bare.
Oh, fuck.
My hand looked incredibly large splayed across her stomach, directly under her breasts. Whoa. I needed to slow it down, but I was aching to be inside her, to have nothing between us.
Syd reached up, running the tips of her fingers along my jaw. I pressed into the gesture, closing my eyes as I willed my heart to slow down. “You love me?” she asked.
“Always,” I said, pressing my lips to the center of her palm. “I know I’ve had a shitty way of showing it, but I’ve loved you since you made me eat mud pie.”
She trailed her hand to my chest, stopping above my heart. “Yeah, I’d say it’s a pretty weird way.”
I opened my eyes, ready to apologize more. Then I saw the soft smile on her face, and my heart actually jumped in my chest. I opened my mouth, but I was beyond words as my gaze traveled over her face. “Honest?”
“Honest,” she whispered.
“I really didn’t think you saw me as anything other than a friend.” I lowered my head, kissing her lips, because they looked like they were lonely. “And I didn’t realize I wanted more until you got with Nate, and I figured by then it was too late. Even after you guys broke up, it seemed like I’d missed my chance.”
Her brows pulled down. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Why didn’t you?”
She pursed her lips. “The same as you. I didn’t think you saw me as anything other than a friend and the…”
“I know. The girls…” I pressed my forehead against hers. “I thought I couldn’t have you, so I wanted to forget about how I felt. It was a terrible idea.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yeah, it was.”
My past really took the horn out of horny. “I wish I could go back and change those things. I wish—”
She placed a finger on my lips, a finger that smelled of cocoa. “It’s in the past. There’s nothing we can do about that. And hey, I could’ve said something. Developed some lady balls.”
“Lady balls?” I raised my brows.
“Uh-huh.”
I made a face as I eased onto my side beside her. “I really don’t want to think of you with balls, Syd.”
She giggled then, and the sound brought a smile to my face. I caught the light, happy sound with my lips. “If you had, I would’ve…” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s about what I’ll do now. That’s all that matters. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it. I promise.”
At first I thought I had said the wrong thing. Tears welled up in her eyes so quickly and she rolled onto her side, burying her face against my chest. Oh shit, I had most definitely said something wrong. That quickly. Wow. That had to be a record.
“Hey.” I slid my fingers under her chin. “What’s going on?”
She fought me, but gradually let me lift her head. “I’m sorry. It’s nothing you did. I’m just…really emotional right now.”
That wasn’t a good enough answer for me. Sitting up, I pulled her into my lap and she settled against me. “Syd…”
Wiping at her cheeks, she laughed softly. “They’re happy tears. I swear. It’s just that I never thought this would happen. Not really, and I thought…I thought you regretted being with me, and that’s why you wanted to talk. That you thought I was frigid, like Nate—”
“Whoa. Wait.” I tipped her face toward mine. “You’re the exact opposite of that, and I never once even thought that could be true. Man, I want to break his jaw all over again. I can’t believe you still worry about that.”
She sniffled. “I know it’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.” I brushed a lone tear off her cheek.
She leaned into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “It is stupid. I let that get to me for how many years? And I guess that’s why I was so ready to believe you were with Sasha, and I overreacted.”
“You didn’t overreact.” I held her tight, resting my chin atop her head. God. I didn’t realize how good holding her would feel until I was doing it. “I deserved everything you said.”
“Kyler.” She sighed.