But I wasn’t. I was far from okay. That ache in my chest was crawling through my veins and up my throat. My eyes burned and my body felt numb.
“Oh, shit.” The bartender let go of my shoulder and cringed like he’d just told me I had some incurable disease. “Oh, shit, shit, shit. You’re with Kyler, aren’t you? Like with him?” He didn’t give me a chance to response. “Look, I’m just talking out of my ass. I’m sure he just went over there to check out the power thing and nothing else.”
I really didn’t hear any more of his backpedaling. My heart was thumping in my ears. The floor seemed to have moved out from under my feet, and even though I was still standing, it felt like I was falling. Part of me wanted to kick the messenger. Jump on him and slam my fists into his stomach and make him take back what he’d said, but it wasn’t his fault. I had to keep telling myself that.
“I’m not with him,” I blurted out.
He frowned. “What?”
“I’m not with him,” I repeated it, and it hurt. It physically hurt.
Like someone had stabbed a rusty knife in my chest and twisted, because it was the truth. I wasn’t with Kyler. I’d had sex with him, but I wasn’t with him. There’d been no labels between us, no promises. He said I’d deserved better than a hookup, but that’s what I was. I was nothing more than a hookup when it was said and done.
And this—this was typical Kyler, going from one girl to the next. It wouldn’t even be the first time he’d been with two girls in one day…or at one time. He’d been so quiet after the shower, so tense. Had he decided he’d had enough?
I knew him better than anyone else on the planet. Sex didn’t mean anything to him. Time and time again, he’d said it was only about two people getting off. Why would I think it would be any different with me? Just because he’d fucked me face-to-face and had forgotten to use a condom once? Holy shit, did I really think that meant something?
I did. God, I really had thought I meant more.
“Hon,” the bartender said. “I’m really sorry.”
Without saying another word, I turned and headed out of the large room. I started for the door, but stopped and backtracked to the main lodge. “Can I use the phone?” I didn’t recognize my own voice as I put my helmet on the counter.
The lady behind the desk nodded and placed the handset by me. I almost called Andrea, but I couldn’t talk to her. She’d know the moment she heard my voice. It rang twice before it was picked up.
“Mom?”
There was a static-filled pause. “Sydney? Is that you?”
Unless there was another child I was unaware of… “Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh, thank God. I’ve been worried with this storm and all and you haven’t answered your phone. Kyler’s mom said you did something to it and you two were okay and I knew you’d be fine with him, but…”
I winced at the sound of his name and almost lost it right then. “Mom, how are the roads back home?”
“Main roads are pretty much clear. Your father said the highways are fine.”
“Okay.” I squeezed my eyes shut against the burn. “Do you…do you think you guys can come get me?”
“Yes. Of course, but what about Kyler? Is he staying up there longer? Or is something wrong with his car?”
My mom, the queen of questions I couldn’t even begin to answer. “His car is fine. I just…I just want to come home. Please.”
There was another pause and I swore I heard my mom’s sharp inhale. “Are you okay, honey?”
“Yeah,” I croaked out, forcing my eyes open. The lady behind the desk was staring at me like I was a deranged mental patient. “I think I’m coming down with something.”
Mom said something about being sick for Christmas, and then got off the phone in search of Dad. I felt terrible for asking them to drive more than an hour to come get me, but I couldn’t be in the house with Kyler after this. I didn’t think I could be anywhere near him ever again.
Thanking the lady, I handed the phone over and headed out to the snowmobile. I don’t remember the ride back to the house. Only that when I slid off the snowmobile, I realized I’d left my helmet back at the lodge. I hadn’t even felt the whipping wind of the flight here. I was numb as I stumbled through the snow.
I saw the tracks first. Not snowmobile tracks, but two separate sets of slashes that came from around the side of the house, like the kind skis made or from dragging feet through the snow.
My stomach flipped.
Had Kyler come back while I’d been at the lodge? And had he brought Sasha with him?
I stared at the marks in the snow. No. No way would he be that bold. Unless he just didn’t care. Oh God, I couldn’t even think about that. I pressed a mitten-covered hand against the front of my jacket. If he was in there with Sasha, I was going to kick him in the junk.
The back of my throat burned as a sharp pain sliced across my chest. Blinking back tears, I turned to the garage door. It wasn’t closed all the way, and the gap in the bottom was a lot bigger than I’d left it.
I briefly considered going back to the lodge and waiting however long it took my parents to get here, but since I was a complete idiot, I hadn’t told my parents I’d be at the lodge. They’d come here first and besides, I had to pack up my stuff.
I could do this. I wasn’t going to be a baby and run. It was bad enough that I’d called my parents. I could do this.
Forcing one foot in front of the other, I hastily wiped at the tear sneaking onto my cheek. Knowing with my luck the sucker would freeze on my face, and the whole world would know I was seconds away from bawling like a kid being told Santa wasn’t real.
I’d cried then.
I was about to cry again.
As I reached the garage door, I wondered why Kyler had parked out back. That part didn’t make any sense, but I really didn’t give a crap at this point. The ache in my chest got worse. Lifting the door, I took a deep breath and it got caught in my throat.
I blinked slowly, thinking I’d stumbled into an episode of Law and Order.
Two men were kneeling at the back of Kyler’s SUV, by the rear tire. Black ski masks covered their faces. One held a wicked-looking knife, dragging it through the thick black tire, and the other held a baseball bat. Both were staring at me. They started to rise.
Oh crap.