Chapter 31
REESE
I stare at the screen of my phone as my brain begins to process what my heart has already figured out.
I have a real thing for Ben.
A thing that made my insides clench up when I read that awful joke he made about women throwing themselves at him; that made disappointment swell when he told me his mother wanted me at the funeral, and then made my entire being melt in relief with this last text.
Friends go to their friends’ parents’ funerals. That’s normal. I’m sure Ben will have lots of friends there to support him. That’s why he’s asking me to come. It’s a fucking funeral! His father’s funeral!
And I know that I want it to mean more.
Okay. I’ll be there.
I stare.
With my chin resting in the palm of my hand, I stare out the glass, over the cubicles, to the empty, dimmed office, picturing that giant guy with his deep, adorable dimples, walking by my office with that big grin, throwing me a wink.
And I keep losing my train of thought as I picture myself hopping on my bike and going to see him. To see how he’s doing. To make sure he’s not reacquainting himself with the neighborhood’s female population.
“Oh God,” I groan. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” The cool wood feels soothing against my forehead as I gently bang my head against my desk. Jack was right. Here I am, already bringing it into the workplace. What if it means nothing? Then what? What happens when he comes back? What happens when another stripper strolls in? Or I see him flirting with another woman? I feel like I have something to lose here.
Ben has wormed his obnoxious self into my heart. I’m actually starting to feel sorry for Mercy, and all the other girls he has surely left in his wake. The scariest thing is that he does it by being himself—a kind, funny, easygoing guy who sends a text to say hi and calls to ask a girl to sing to him because he wants to. He doesn’t hide who he is; he doesn’t lie or promise anything. He doesn’t play stupid head games. Whether those girls are completely clueless and fall into the accidental trap or stand on the edge and knowingly do a swan dive into it, like I just did, we all eventually fall for Ben’s charm.
And now I can’t breathe under the weight of those consequences. I need to get out of here.
“I got you an extra-big piece!” By the giddiness on the waitress’s face, you’d think she was serving a movie star.
“Thanks.” With a sigh, I break off a chunk and slide the tangy filling into my mouth, letting it melt over my taste buds.
Ben was right. Sometimes, change is good.
“And?” It’s so sudden, so close to me, and so unexpected, that I jump. “What do you think? Isn’t it the best key lime pie you’ve ever had?” Good grief. She’s actually watching me eat. It’s beyond irritating.
Maybe that’s why I decide to be a complete bitch and say, “I’ve had better.” It’s true. I have. At a lovely little citrus grove about two hours north, surrounded by laughter and love and friendship. But when she turns and leaves, a deflated frown on her face, I instantly feel guilty.
“Reese?”
My stomach drops at the sound of his voice. I turn back to find familiar green eyes staring down at me. “Jared?” This is so not what I need to deal with right now.
He gestures behind him absently as he explains. “I just stopped by your office, hoping to catch you before you left for the day. Some lady with a big mole said you’d probably be here.”
Mrs. Cooke. I told her I was taking a break and then I’d be back. I’m actually planning on working late tonight, to make up for whatever I miss tomorrow while at the funeral. And because I’ve gotten very little done, since I’ve been busy fantasizing like a moron.
Sitting up, I self-consciously adjust my shirt as Jared folds his tall body into the other chair. “I don’t remember you liking limes,” he murmurs, shaking his head, a little crease lining his forehead.
“I don’t remember you dressing like a Nordstrom mannequin.” Seriously, what the hell is he wearing? A dark green sport coat and what I can only describe as “trousers.” I mean, he still looks good, but he’s never been the metrosexual guy, preferring the “I just picked these clothes up off the floor and don’t I still look hot” style.
“Couldn’t walk into a law firm looking like a welder, now, could I?” He pauses, glancing around. “Where’s your lawyer boyfriend?”
Is that what this little getup is about? Is he feeling inferior to Ben? I grit my teeth against the smile. And then I remember that Ben isn’t mine and probably never will be, and the smile runs off on its own. “At his mother’s. His father died last weekend.”
“Oh.” He frowns. I note that there’s no “sorry” attached to that. It would be the polite thing to say. Then again, I was usually the one picking up on manners where Jared lacked.
He settles a heavy gaze on me, his face unreadable. “So I learned all about Facebook privacy settings last weekend.”
I feel my cheeks burn as I avert my gaze to a miniature palm tree next to our table. I haven’t dared look at his profile since last week, preferring ignorance over seeing a picture of a restraining order that I figured he was filing against me.
After a really long, unbearably awkward silence, I realize that he’s waiting for my response. So I clear my throat and offer, “I warned you, didn’t I? You never can be too careful about the crazies.”
He dips his head. “I probably should be fucking furious with you, Reese.” Peering up from under heavy lids, he admits, “But I’m not. I deserve it. I deserved having the apartment trashed. I deserve sitting there and watching that asshole suck your face in front of me.”
A spike of annoyance jumps inside me, the need to defend Ben overpowering. “Ben hasn’t done anything to you.”
Jared’s knowing glare makes me correct that. “Okay, fine. But in his defense, he had no idea who you were.”
A smile quirks Jared’s lips. “Fair enough. If it were you and me out there and we came across a couple going at it, we would have done the exact same thing. Maybe with a little less passion, but . . .” His words drift off in a wry tone.
“What did Caroline say about it?” I dare ask.
“I’m not telling her.” He reaches forward to rest his hands on the table, only inches from mine. Something tells me it’s a very conscious move on his part.
“And does she know that you’re here now?”
“She doesn’t own me, Reese.” He heaves a sigh. “We haven’t talked in a few days. She’s staying at her friend’s house right now. I just . . .” His face pinches together as he closes the gap to take my hand. “I knew the day I ran in to you here that I’d made a fucking huge mistake. I should never have left you. I want you back.”
“Huh.” That’s all I can manage as I slump back into my chair, all ability to speak gone as a nauseating swirl of emotion rises in my chest. This is not what I expected. Back? “Back for what?” I hear myself ask out loud and immediately bite my tongue.
His shoulders sag as if relieved of some huge weight. “Please just give me another chance. I know you want to.”
“What makes you so sure?” Because suddenly, I’m not so sure, either.
“Oh, come on.” A slow, seductive smile curls his lips as he reaches forward and entwines his long fingers through mine. He knows that smile has the power to melt all of my defenses. I’ve told him as much a thousand times. “Lurking on Facebook, hunting me down at paintball. The way you walked into that bar in your little red dress, flipping your hair around like you didn’t have a care in the world, getting up on the stage. You knew that’d get my attention. And you did. Now I’m giving you what you want.” He pulls my hand up to his mouth, until the heat from his mouth is dampening my skin. Just like he always used to do. “I can’t stop thinking about you. You know we were amazing together.”
It’s strange. I’ve pictured this moment before—though Jared was much more contrite in my version—and it always came with a euphoric high. Now, though, I’m not feeling euphoria. Not unless anxiety and guilt is a part of the emotional package.
“Yeah, we were great together. And then you crushed me by cheating on me. And then marrying the girl!” I shake my head as I pull my hand away from him. “And now you’re ready to cheat on her—your wife—with me?”
Resting his elbows on the table, he begins rubbing his face with both hands. “I can’t help who I love and I never stopped loving you, Reese. I just thought I loved Caroline more. But I don’t.” His hands drop. “Not the same way that I love you. Please, give me another chance. Just . . . come back to my place. Let’s talk more.”
“We’re talking now.”
His eyes drop to my mouth with a secretive smile.
I know what he’s looking for and I highly doubt talking is a part of it.
I smirk. Funny. If this were Ben, he’d have come right out and said he wanted to take me home to get into my pants. Then again, this would never be Ben because he’d never play with my heart like this.
“I don’t think so.”
His lips twist pensively.
“What?”
He shakes his head and frowns. “I’m just trying to figure out if you’re playing hard-to-get or if you’re actually turning me down.”
I could really screw with him. I could go to his condo, climb into his bed with him, and take back what was taken from me so long ago. Even if just for one night. If he truly loves me—I’m beginning to wonder if Jared knows how to love—it would hurt him. It would crush Caroline.
But it would kill me.
I stand. “Goodbye, Jared. Don’t ever call me again.” I’m making a smart decision. For once.
Throwing a twenty down on the table for my order, I turn to walk away.
To see a set of red, watery eyes that match the red hair framing her face. I don’t know how long she’s been watching, how much she picked up from that. Enough, I would say. Enough that I should feel better about this. This should be victory.
But all I can feel right now is relief that I’m not hanging on to a memory that I’ll never get back. And pity, for her, for being in love with a guy like that.
“He’s all yours, Caroline. But honestly, I think even you’re too good for him.” I walk past her without a glance back.