I blanched. My heart consumed with both happiness and fear.
What did he want? To punish me for what happened between us? Did he hate me so much that he’d blame the incredibleness of what’d happened completely on me?
That wouldn’t be fair.
But nothing about Jethro was fair.
He was certifiably crazy.
But…thawing.
“Do you know what he wanted?” I murmured, flicking the cover of my sketchpad closed.
Kes shook his head, spreading his long legs in front of him. “Nope. Where did you guys end up the night of the fireworks, by the way? You missed the grand finale.”
I fought to keep a natural smile on my lips and not relive the pang of breaking in his office. “Nowhere. He just wanted to make sure I’d behaved while he’d ignored me for two weeks.”
That was another thing I couldn’t tell Kes. The Sacramental Pledge Jethro had made me sign was our secret. Another one. Seems he’s dragging you deeper into his secretive world.
Inch by inch, he was drowning me in his icy existence, making me an accomplice rather than a hostage.
I shifted, sitting higher. Even a week later, I still winced from internal bruising of Jethro’s passion.
“You okay?” Kes caressed my arm in concern. My skin warmed beneath his fingertips, but it was nothing like the sharp sting whenever Jethro touched me.
I patted his hand. “Yes, I’m fine. Thanks.”
Kes was everything I wanted in a man. Warm, dependable, sweet with a kinky side he only showed in messages. If that’s true, of course.
God, it hurt my head trying to figure out these men.
Jethro was everything I never wanted in a man. Temper, complexities, secrets, and a dominating side that terrified. Yet I feel safer with him than I do with Kes. Was that stupid, or was there something instinctual inside that understood more than I did?
Why was I drawn to Jethro? Why did I have no hope in hell of ever forgetting about him, even while his younger brother was so much nicer? And why did I prefer the man who admitted he would kill me?
You can’t be serious?
I sighed. I was deadly serious. I wasn’t in love with Jethro. I didn’t think I could ever fall in love with someone who I could never understand, but I couldn’t deny I was desperately in lust with him.
So much so, my mouth watered at the barest thought of having him inside me again. My core grew wet at the slightest memory of what we’d done. And my heart fluttered at the very idea of conquering him.
Kes cupped my cheek. “Nila…talk to me. You okay? He didn’t hurt you again, did he? I know the First Debt needed to be paid, so I can’t get angry about that payment, but anything else outside what is owed is completely uncalled for.” Temper made his golden eyes boil with fire. “Tell me—what did he do?”
He made me doubt everything.
He owned me the second he kissed me.
He made me grow claws, and I like it.
“Nothing.” I smiled, laughing away the uncomfortableness. It wasn’t right to have Kes care so genuinely about my welfare, not when I didn’t know if it was true or fake.
If it wasn’t real, he was a fabulous actor. My heart raced at the concern in his face, reacting to the compassion in his eyes. It’d been a long time since anyone looked at me with…pity. V and Tex used it more than any other expression, keeping me in my place of uncertain, fumbling daughter.
Now, it just made me angry. So damn angry.
“Hey…” Kes leaned forward, gathering me in a hug. “It’s okay. Whatever he’s done, we can fix it.”
I stiffened in his embrace. Rage bubbled in my blood.
I felt…played.
What is he doing?
The longer he held me, the more my anger boiled, morphing into recklessness. Words tingled my tongue—words I shouldn’t say out loud.
What’s your purpose?
What do you get if I fall for your tricks?
Then guilt smothered my lividity. What if I had it all wrong and Kite/Kes was the one true person in this slithering cesspool of lies?
Perhaps Kes was right, and I should fear Jethro more.
Maybe I was totally wrong about everything.
I slouched in his arms, giving in to the pounding headache and questions.
Once again, Kes had the uncanny ability to make me doubt. Jethro gave me power, but with one hug, Kes took it all away.
I transformed into Nila—dutiful daughter and fumbling twin sister, not the fierce fighter I was when Jethro called me out to fight.
Even fucking each other had been a fight.
A delicious, incredible, insidious fight.
Kes’s arms tensed as he pulled back, holding me firm. My eyes widened as he leaned forward, pressing his dry lips against mine.
Whoa—what?
I locked in place as Kes closed his eyes, licking the seam of my mouth with a questing tongue.
What should I do?
I couldn’t move.
His taste slipped through my lips, bringing the richness of coffee and chocolate. His heat was nice but not consuming. His touch was gentle but not devouring. There were no fireworks, no detonation, just sweet…
I whimpered as his tongue speared into my mouth against my approval.
“Kestrel.”
My heart galloped at the barely muttered word.
We jumped apart.
Guilt saturated my lungs, even though I had nothing to be guilty about. After all, I’d been told I was to be passed around the Hawks.
So why did Jethro stand rigid and furious above us with his hands fisted by his side? “I see you did as I asked and found her but went against my orders and decided to keep her for yourself.”
Oh, shit.
Kes stood up, his body tensing against his brother’s wrath. “I could say the same thing about you the other night.”
My eyes whipped between the two men. How much did Kes know?
Jethro's eyes flashed, looking over Kes’s shoulder directly into mine.
I saw a question and an answer.
Did you fucking tell him?
Because I didn’t.
My heart bucked against my ribcage. Subtly, I shook my head, giving him my oath that our secret was still safe.