I waited to see if he would ask why I never messaged him back after his text of wanting to kiss me, but the questions lurking in his eyes suddenly disappeared. “Okay, just checking.”
Ever since telling my father off and hearing the passion in Kite’s latest text, I hadn’t been strong enough to turn my phone on. My past scared me, and I preferred to keep my head in the sand for a little while longer. Not to mention, I’d been distracted with repeating replays of Jethro thrusting between my thighs and an orgasm that seemed to live in my every heartbeat.
Tilting my head, I asked, “Why do you ask?”
Come on. Be honest, so we can get this out in the open once and for all.
Kes cleared his throat. “Well, to be honest, you’ve seemed…distant the past few days. Even when you’re hanging with me in the saloon, your mind is elsewhere.”
Yep, it’s reliving the best sexual experience of my life. With your brother, no less.
It’d taken a miracle for me to walk normally and not show the world that Jethro had bruised me deeply. I hadn’t stopped cramping for hours afterward. But I wouldn’t trade the pain for anything. As much as the discomfort drained me, I wouldn’t change a thing. Every movement—every clench of muscles shot my mind back to the pure bliss I’d found in his arms.
It wasn’t just sex.
I’d repeated that over and over again.
It wasn’t just sex, but I had yet to determine what exactly had happened between us. Debtee and Debtor were no longer relevant.
“Just had a lot on my mind. I’ve been worried about the Second Debt.”
Not entirely a lie, as the days ticked past, I freaked out wondering how and when I’d be summoned to pay the next one.
Kes sighed, looking chastised. “Shit, yeah of course. Sorry.” Running a hand through his hair, he perched on the end of my lounger. The watery sun dappled his face as he hesitantly reached out and touched my knee.
His touch warmed me through the comfy pair of jeans I had on. The grey hoody I usually wore when working at the Weaver headquarters was marked and torn in places, making me look totally underdressed.
“Do you need anything? Want to talk?” he asked. His face was earnest, young—entirely confide-able.
Suddenly, I wanted to tell him everything. About my crazy feelings for Jethro, for my regret over not replying to him as Kite. I wanted to purge and get it out of my heart.
What are you thinking?
You can never do that.
I could never confide. Not because I’d slept with his brother. Not because I had no words to confess how much I’d unravelled when Jethro drove deep and dangerous inside me. Not because of the traitorous truth—that in the moment when I’d come around his cock, I’d never felt so alive or so dead.
I could never confide, because my emotions for Kes were simple—I liked him. I appreciated his friendship and enjoyed his company. But that wasn’t enough for him. He might have gone out of his way to make me feel welcome because of some warped instruction from Cut, but he genuinely liked having me around.
I wasn’t inexperienced enough not to understand when another was attracted to me. The tingles of awareness when he looked at me made me blush and glance away.
No matter how much I liked him, though, it wasn’t close to what I felt for his brother. Which gave me yet more strength as Kes was the lethal one—to me at least. He had the power to undermine my newfound courage—the snake just waiting to coil around me and asphyxiate me in a hug.
I didn’t think he knew how nervous he made me—how anxious I was of his kindness.
“You sure nothing happened? You’re completely in your head.” Kes nudged my knee again, capturing my attention.
I smiled quickly. “Yes, I’m positive. Nothing’s happened, apart from leaving my old life and entering this new Hawk world.” I hoped the minor zing would stop him from prying.
Jethro said not to tell a soul about what we did.
I intended to obey him.
And I couldn’t do that if Kes kept asking me in his tender voice.
I shifted my knee away from his warm fingers. Sitting cross-legged, I said, “Thanks for the concern, but I’m good. Truly.”
He scowled, not believing me. But he let it go.
We sat in silence for a moment as his eyes fell to my sketches. “They’re really good.”
I stroked the page, thinking how much I’d love to start creating. I missed my studio back home. I never thought I’d admit it, but it was true.
“If you want to start making them, you can place the order for the material and whatever else you need. Bonnie will make sure it gets to you.”
“Bonnie?”
He smiled, showing perfect teeth. “My grandmother. She’s in charge of expenses for the business and family. If you want something, just tell me, and I’ll make sure she orders it.”
My mind raced with thoughts of demanding all types of things. How about a compass or a helicopter to find my way to freedom?
“Do you think she’d give me a one-way ticket out of here?” I laughed softly, knowing I could get away with such a joke around Kes. Jethro—never. But Kes…he understood that my captivity was fucked up and was pretty open with what he thought about the Debt Inheritance.
Was that a cleverly played ploy or the truth?
“Believe me, if there was a way, I would.”
I froze at his confession.
Awkwardness fell, and I hunted for a different subject before we treaded deeper into forbidden waters.
“Did you need me for something? Is that why you were looking for me?”
My body flushed with panic at the thought of paying another debt so soon. For some reason, I felt at ease, knowing the Hawks meant to keep me for years. Unless they had thousands of debts for me to repay, I had some holiday time between repayments.
Kes looked into the distance, drinking in the view of Hawksridge Hall. No matter how long I resided at this estate, I would never get over the impressive turrets, gleaming windows, or dripping wealth.
“I came as a favour.” He narrowed his eyes. “Jethro is looking for you.”