But the man was clearly in shock. He was as limp as a rag doll, only on his feet because of the grip I had on him. I bypassed my bike entirely and shoved him up against his car. It was only then that I hissed, “What the fuck were you doing? Are you fucking insane? Are you trying to go to jail?”
I shoved my hands into the pocket of his sweatpants, the same ones he’d worn yesterday, and yanked out his keys. He practically fell into the passenger seat, but by the time I’d rounded the car to get in behind the wheel, he was staring at the front door again like he was ready for a second go.
I slammed my hand down on the lock button, threw the car in reverse, and hit the accelerator so hard the tires let out a squeal of protest.
Rowe’s bike was left stranded on the manicured lawn, the handlebars squashing delicate flowers. Under the circumstances, I had no other choice. Putting distance between Liam and his grandfather was the number one priority.
My heart rate slowed the farther we got out of Providence. On autopilot, I drove us into Saint View, the streets there familiar and comforting. With no destination in mind, I waited for Liam to say something.
“I need to go back.”
I sighed. “Not what I wanted you to say, bro. You aren’t going back there. Not today. Not ever.”
“I have to.”
I jerked the steering wheel, pulling us over by the Saint View end of the beach. Down on the sand, happy families played in the shallow water, enjoying the last days of summer. Farther out in the water, surfers attempted to catch waves, though it really wasn’t the right time of day for it and the swell was puny.
They all went on about their business, no idea that the man sitting beside me had just nearly killed his grandfather.
I stared out at the waves. They just kept rolling in, no matter what was going on around them. “Not letting you do that.”
Liam’s fist smashed against the glove box.
I flinched at the sudden movement, but it was the release of aggression Liam had been looking for. “He raped her, Heath! That’s the only fucking reason I’m alive. He was an old man, who took advantage of a sixteen-year-old girl and ruined her goddamn life. He left her to rot in Saint View, took away the only support she had, and only came back for me when he realized I was just like him. So what do I do with that? If I don’t kill him, then the only other person left to kill is myself. And trust me, I already fucking thought about that. I thought about it for an entire day yesterday, and I didn’t have the guts to do that either.”
He stared straight out over the beach, a tear rolling down his cheek.
His words hit me hard, and suddenly I was back there, drowning in those old feelings and memories I’d fought so hard to bury. My throat was thick with an emotion I didn’t want to remember. “I know how you feel.”
“No. You don’t.”
I swiveled to stare at him. “I do. You think I don’t want to put a bullet through that old bastard’s head for what he did to your mother? For what he’s done to you? I do. And damn, if I didn’t know exactly how you feel right now, then I probably would let you walk back in there and finish the job you started.”
The silence drew out, both of us breathing hard.
“Let me go,” he whispered.
I grabbed Liam’s chin and forced him to face me. “I’m not letting you because it doesn’t fix anything!”
I didn’t want to say the words. I didn’t want to let the memories out, but I knew I had no choice. The only way to make him understand that pain was to show him.
I let my guard drop.
I let the past back in.
Every deep, dark, depraved memory that I had tucked away, buried deep just so I could function… They all came flooding back. “I was fourteen when I first held a gun on my dad.”
Liam didn’t say anything, but he stilled enough I knew I had his attention. I let my hand fall away, knowing he was listening.
It was just as well, because I was sure I couldn’t tell the story with him looking at me. “He wasn’t like your grandfather. Yours hid his evil. Mine never bothered.” I rubbed absently at my arm, the one where a looping tattoo of patterns and dark ink hid scars that had long healed, physically, if not emotionally. “He used to like putting his cigarettes out on me. I had an armful of scars before I even started high school and an ongoing threat that he’d do a whole lot worse if I showed anyone.”
“You never said anything. I knew you had a sealed record, but most kids who grow up in Saint View do.”
I shrugged. “No point bringing up the past until you try and go making the same mistakes I did.”
Liam didn’t say anything.
I sucked in a breath. “The burns were the least of my worries, really. After a while, I almost didn’t feel them because everything else hurt so bad. He liked to rape my mother, too. Hold her down while she kicked and screamed and fought him. He never cared whether me or my brothers and sister were in the room or not. That was him through and through. Only ever cared about himself and what he wanted.”
“Fuck.”
I nodded. “The first time I pulled a gun on him had gone pretty much exactly like how you just went with your old man. Only I didn’t even have the guts to pull the trigger. I just stood there, with it limp in my hand, shaking like a fucking leaf cos I was so terrified.”
It all played back in my head, clear as they day it had happened. The darkness billowed around me like a storm cloud, fighting to engulf me. “He took the gun out of my hand and pushed it right between my eyes and told me if I ever touched his gun again, I’d be dead before I could blink. The pistol-whip to the side of my head knocked me out, and I came to in the exact same spot hours later with my little sister standing over me.”
“Did your mother get you out?”
I snorted on my laughter. “When I woke up, my mother was sitting on the couch smoking like nothing had even happened. Doubt she even checked for a pulse.”
Liam slumped back in his seat. “That’s messed up. They still together?”
“No. The next time I did it, I didn’t freeze.”