She followed me to Ripley’s bedroom, and I pushed the door open quietly. He lay on his bed in Spider-Man pajamas, his arms and legs tangled around his sheets. Norma moved past me, and in the darkness, she started throwing things into a bag.
I couldn’t stop staring at him. His dark eyelashes fanned out across his still baby-like cheeks. His blond hair was tousled and sticking up in every direction. The sweet bow of his lips, relaxed in sleep. I knelt at his side and gently shook him.
“He sleeps like the dead,” Norma warned. “You could just pick him up and put him in the car.”
“I don’t want him to wake up and be scared because he’s somewhere unfamiliar.”
I shook him again and grinned when his little eyes fluttered open.
“Rowe?” He blinked in the darkness.
“Hey, buddy. Yeah, it’s me. I was just wondering…” Wondering what? If he wanted to be my son again? I cleared my throat. “I was just wondering if you want to go on an adventure?”
“With you?” He sat up eagerly, rubbing at his eyes.
“Yeah, buddy. With me.”
“Grandma, too?”
I glanced up at her. “Grandma can come, too, if she wants to?” My cabin only had two bedrooms, but we’d make do.
But Norma patted his head. “Grandma is too old for this adventure. This one is just for you and Rowe. Grandma will be just fine here with Old Betsy.”
I nodded, respecting her wishes. I didn’t think I would have wanted to uproot my entire life either. At least she had her gun.
She leaned down and gave Ripley a kiss before handing me an overstuffed bag of clothes and toys. “Take care of Rowe, okay, Rip? And I’ll see you soon.”
He flung his skinny little arms around her neck, and when she released him, he set shining eyes on me. “Let’s go!”
He held his arms up for me to lift him, and I did.
In that moment, everything clicked into place. This wasn’t like last time.
I was taking my boy home.
Norma shifted her car seat into my car, and once Ripley was strapped in, excited for his nighttime adventure, she turned serious eyes on me. “You keep that boy safe. Not a hair on his head gets harmed, you hear me? Or I’ll be out at that cabin to beat you with my walking stick.”
“You got it.”
“He can’t swim properly yet. He’s close, but keep an eye on him by the lake.”
“Of course.”
Her bottom lip trembled. “Come back to visit as soon as it’s safe, okay? Both of you.”
I pulled her in for a hug, knowing that despite her conviction that Ripley should be with me, this was hard for her. She was giving up her last little daily reminder of Rory.
“I’ve got this,” I told her.
And for the first time, I actually believed it.
16
Liam
I’d never held a gun before. I’d never had any sort of urge to do so. In my line of work, I saw daily how guns ruined lives. Whether that be through gang violence, a case of mistaken identity, or a lover’s quarrel that turned deadly. A gun never made any situation better.
Until now.
I sat in my car with the engine idling and the weapon in my lap.
Even when I looked out the window, staring up at the big house that had been a formative part of my teenage years, the cold metal reminded me it was there.
Taunting me.
Reminding me of what I was and how I came to be. My mother hadn’t deserved that pain, and now it was mine. It weighed on me so heavily I could barely breathe.
I traced a finger over the trigger.
It would be so easy. A relief, really. A release of everything that currently held me captive. One quick pull and it would all be over.
And yet, I’d been sitting here for hours, frozen to the spot, unable to move, and hating myself even more with every second that passed, because I was spineless.
“Just fucking do it!” I screamed at the empty car.
I couldn’t.
I slammed the heel of my hand against the steering wheel over and over, swearing until my hand was bruised and I was all out of cuss words. In an angry flurry, I shoved the gun in the glove box and jerked the gearshift into drive.
The engine roared to life when I dropped my foot down hard on the accelerator, half my tires probably left on the road outside my grandparents’ house.
I didn’t have a destination in mind, but the longer I drove, the more I fell apart. Shreds of soul ripped off with every turn. The driving that had once comforted me now felt like as much of a farce as the rest of my life. My job had paid for this car. The job my grandfather—father—had forced me into. It all reeked of him and what he’d done. I was his clone after all. The little mini-me he’d always wanted.
As dark, and depraved, and dirty as he was.
I couldn’t drive anymore. On autopilot, I headed to the one place I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t go back to.
Just for a moment.
A few hours.
One night.
Then I’d leave again. I just needed her one last time, before I ended it all.
My BMW bumped down the driveway of Rowe’s cabin at a speed my mechanic would have had heart failure over. But I didn’t care if I chipped and dented the bodywork. None of that mattered now. When I was done, the car could be incinerated for all I cared.
The headlights flashed through the darkness and then lit up the little wood cabin in the middle of the clearing. The driveway curved and led me straight to the door. There were lights on inside, but no other cars.
I frowned. Where the hell were they all? Mae and Rowe should have both been home from work by now. And Heath couldn’t leave at all.
Those thoughts were interrupted by the screen door flying open and Mae running down the steps.
Instantly, a weight lifted off me. Not all of it, but enough that I could draw in a full breath for the first time since I’d found out the truth.
Mae threw herself at me, and I stumbled back, shoved up against the car by the force of her hug. She tucked her face to my neck, and despite myself, I did the same to her. I drew in her familiar scent, feeling that same pang of love and longing for her that I felt every time she was near.
“I’m so glad you’re home.” Her voice was muffled by my clothes.