She let out a quiet laugh and inched her lips into his face. “You just like me because I let you do anything you want to me.”
Jax smiled, letting his head fall back as he looked up at me. “If you want to join in, we can all go up to the room.”
Shane immediately hooked my arm from behind to pull me back, but I yanked it free, scowling down at Jax.
I’d always told myself that I deserved good things—that I was worthy—but fuck if I ever believed it. You can’t tell yourself anything. Your heart only believes what it feels, and experience is the best teacher.
I reached forward, grabbed the girl’s arm, and yanked her off Jax’s lap.
“Hey,” she whined, but I planted my hands on his armrests and glowered down at him.
His gorgeous face watched me.
“Why?” I demanded.
His eyes narrowed. “Because I can.”
I shook my head. “This isn’t you. You’re not cruel, and you don’t want her. Why are you pushing me away?”
“It’s just summer fun,” he retorted. “Now fuck me or fuck off.”
I dug my nails into the chair, searching his eyes for anything soft. Anything warm and mine. Anything I could recognize.
But all I saw was his sick smile.
“I barely see her,” I whispered, baring my teeth. “I only see you. Your father didn’t make you unclean. The shit you’ve been through didn’t make you dirty. This,” I seethed, pointing at him and growling low, “this—right here, right now—is what makes you scum.”
I pushed off the chair and backed up, seeing his eyes turn dark and wanting the guy who could barely control himself in the kitchen last week when I’d made him dinner. The guy who was jealous my ex-boyfriend called. The guy who called me his girl.
I wanted him to carry me up to his room and close the door so we could be lost in each other as if the rest of the world didn’t exist.
But he just sat there.
I’d fought for Liam and look what that got me. It was someone else’s turn to fight for me.
I turned and left, letting the hot tears fall. It fucking hurt. My lips pursed together, trying to stop the flood, but it was no use.
I hated him.
And I loved him.
And tonight he was going to be sleeping with someone else, or maybe he had already last night or today, and I was an idiot. I was a fucking nonstop train wreck.
I grabbed Shane’s hand, squeezing it tight as I pushed our way through the crowd and out the front door.
I’d see him again. Probably a lot. And I cried more, realizing that. The tears burned my cheeks, and even though they just kept coming and coming, my sobs were silent. Misery usually was.
“Hey, where you going?”
I stopped, looking up at Tate through blurry eyes.
And Jared.
And, fuck me, Madoc and Fallon, too. I guess everyone decided to chase me down.
I sniffled, clearing my throat. “Home.” I tossed Madoc his keys and took a step, but Tate grabbed me again.
“Hey, hey. Stop,” she ordered, and I looked away when she held my shoulders. “You’re crying. What’s wrong?”
I said nothing. I didn’t need to talk about it. I’d spent my life around people who taught me nothing, and now I just wanted to be alone for a while. I wanted to be proud of myself.
I’d grown up.
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tight, my face pinching with the heartache and the tears streaming down.
“I love you,” I whispered, and then pulled back and spoke to Jared. “I’m sorry I used you in high school,” I said, and looked to Tate, whose eyes were bright with concern. “And I’m so sorry I hurt you. I was wrong, and I will never betray your trust again.”
Tate’s voice shook. “Juliet …”
But I’d already turned and left.