I had come a long way from that scared kid. I never wanted to be weak or surprised in any relationship or situation, and so I’d assumed absolute control over everything in my life.
But as much as I’d never wanted to feel like that unclean kid again, I couldn’t shake the feeling of dirt on my skin. I took two showers a day. I had someone clean my house twice a week. I always counteracted one shitty thing I said or did with two decent things, like volunteering or donating money, but I still felt unclean.
Nothing was clean enough.
“Well, you got me here.”
I raised my head at the sound of her voice and twisted around to see Juliet.
She stuck her hands in the pockets of her seriously faded, ripped, and tight jeans, and my chest filled with amusement at the sight of her loose black tank top that hung low in the back but showed off her belly button in the front. It had one of those “Keep Calm” logos, but instead it said “I will not keep calm. I will raise hell and break shit.”
My father was forgotten.
“I’m not a fan of this scene,” she admitted with a glint of humor in her eyes, “so if I’m still bored in an hour, Shane and Fallon promised me we could leave and go back to the carnival.”
“You think that’s more fun?” I challenged, sauntering over to her.
She nodded. “Oh, yes.”
I smiled, unable not to touch her anymore. Reaching out and taking her hand, I pulled her into me as I leaned back against the car.
“I’ve got a carnival ride for you.” I leaned into her lips. “Open all night,” I whispered, taking her lips in mine and wrapping my arms around her waist.
I heard her snort at my lame joke, but I was smiling, too.
She tasted like water. Every time I’d kissed her it had been like that. As if I was so thirsty I sucked in gulp after gulp, realizing how much my body needed this and how I felt soothed the more I drank.
I reached up and cupped her face with one hand, diving into her mouth and working my tongue around hers. Holding on to her, I molded her hips to mine and felt her moan against my lips. I slipped my hand inside her shirt under her arm, feeling the bare skin of her back. So smooth. Like cream.
“Jax,” she gasped, trying to pull away, “we’re in public.” I knew she didn’t want to stop, but she was embarrassed.
I normally would have been, too. I didn’t do PDAs, but with her? Hell yeah.
I looked down at her, not letting go. “I know. I just want to touch you all the time. Now that you’re letting me, it’s hard to stop.”
Her hair hung loose and smooth, straightened and parted in the middle. Her green eyes sparkled under dark eye shadow, and I was glad her lips were clear of lipstick. She had full light pink lips, and they were perfect the way they were.
She smirked happily. “Touch me all the time,” she repeated. “But we don’t get along.”
“We get along great.” I grinned. “As long as you don’t talk.” And I leaned down, snatching up her lips again.
She laughed and tried to push away from me, her back bending and her head falling back, but I held tight.
“Stop!” She giggled and squirmed as I kissed a trail up her neck. I loved seeing her giddy.
“Stop talking,” I scolded, still kissing her. “We get into trouble when you speak.” And I took her earlobe in my teeth, sucking hard, and she went limp.
“I feel like I’m falling,” she admitted through her breathlessness, standing up straight and taking my hands away. “But it feels good.”
I cocked my head and folded my arms over my chest. “Are we putting K.C. away so Juliet can come out to play?” I joked.
She mock-scowled at me. “Juliet’s not any more docile, if that’s what you’re hoping.”
I licked my lips. “I don’t care who it is that gets naked for me, just as long as I get her again.”
Her eyebrows did a nosedive, she let out a disgusted breath, and whipped around, stalking off, and I was sure my face was red with laughing so hard.
Man, I loved to piss her off. I loved the foreplay. And I was going to enjoy backing her into a wall later on and convincing her she wanted to spend the night.
Madoc stalked over, holding Fallon’s hand, looking back at Juliet and then to me.
And he started singing Foreigner. “ ‘I want to know what love is! I want you to show me!’ ”
“It’s scary that you know that song,” Fallon grumbled.
I watched as Juliet walked over to Shane. They were looking at a car that had its hood propped up, but I saw her peek over at me out of the corner of her eye. She couldn’t hide it. She pursed her lips together in a smile and rolled her eyes at me.
She was taking me as I was and loosening up—and I wasn’t thinking about my father, the Loop, or anything but her.
We were both falling.
Walking down the line, I checked cars off on the roster on my iPad, making sure they were present and ready.
“Suited up?” I inquired, looking down at Derek Roman, who was fixing a GoPro on the trunk of a Raptor.
He stood up, gesturing. “You tell me. Can you access it?”
These cameras couldn’t stream footage live from long distances, but I could access it on my phone. I waved, picking myself up on the screen of my cell.
“You got it,” I said. “You’re getting pretty fast at that.”
He smiled, looking too much like a five-year-old who just got a pat on the head.
“Faster means more races,” he pointed out. “More races mean more bets. And more bets—”
“Mean more money,” I finished, shaking my head. “Yeah, I know where your heart lies.” I jerked my head and walked off. “I need to check in with Zack. See you in a minute.”
He turned back to his work, and I grinned, actually surprised that he was becoming an asset.
Derek Roman was a couple of years older, but you wouldn’t have known it in high school. He used to race the Loop, but his antics got him in a lot of trouble. He didn’t get along with Jared, when they raced, or anyone else. He was careless, sloppy, and aggressive, exactly the kind of driver I didn’t want here.
So instead of banning him and waiting for the retaliation that would eventually come, I played it smart.
I kissed his ass.
Bullies want to matter. They act the way they do because they don’t feel important.
So I gave him that. Told him how much we had planned and what kind of undertaking it all was. How much I needed help, and how much I needed someone who knew the Loop inside and out, and then I gave him jobs.
He stayed busy, got special perks, and got his name officially listed on our Web site, any advertising, and he was involved in decisions. Now, if he decided to be stupid, he’d have a lot to lose.
“So.” Madoc ran up next to me, throwing an arm over my shoulder. “Could you possibly fit me into the schedule?”
“Tonight?”
I could feel his eyes roll as I worked my way through the crowd up to the announcer’s stage, and he fell in behind me.
“Yeah,” he answered. “I want to do that couples race you’ve got going on. Fallon loved riding with Jared that time he and Tate raced, and I want to take my wife out.”