“That I really like you. And I’m confused.”
“A few minutes ago you looked me right in the eyes and told me that you loved me. So that I’d keep crawling back to you like an idiot. You’re not confused, newb. You played me.”
“Felix, please…” I reached out to him, but he sidestepped my hands and walked away without another word.
I looked at the broken table and the drops of blood on the plush carpet. What the hell had I just done? I didn’t realize there were tears streaming down my face until I tasted the salt on my lips.
“Brooklyn.” Matt’s voice was gentler than it should have been. Wasn’t he going to tell me I was a terrible person and run off too? But he didn’t run. He just stared at me with so much concern on his stupid perfect features.
“Matt.” My Matt. The one that held me while I cried every night after my uncle died. The one who took me to his favorite spot in NYC so I wouldn’t feel like I didn’t have a family. The one that got down on one knee to ask me to be his girlfriend, just to make me smile. I took a deep breath. The one who did nothing when Isabella poured milk on me. The one who let his best friend believe he was keeping me a secret because I was poor. The one that made me lie and sneak around and hurt the people that I loved. “I don’t have anything left to say to you.”
“Well, tough luck. Because I have a lot to say to you.”
God, he was exasperating. “Matt, I told you that I couldn’t date you because my heart couldn’t take it. I told you that. And you kept pushing it anyway. So I gave it to you and…” I couldn’t keep going. “I trusted you. And I feel…nothing. I’m not even sad anymore. I can’t feel anything. I’m numb.”
“That’s the drugs,” he said.
“No, it’s you.”
“Brooklyn…”
“You just sat there and watched at lunch. All those terrible things Isabella said to me and you did nothing. Your friends actually stood up for me. But you…you were silent. I get that you didn’t want Isabella to know we were dating. But even strangers can be kind. And I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t.”
I walked away from him without looking back. But I was very aware of his footsteps following me.
Chapter 15
Saturday
I ran to the elevator and pressed the button to close the doors. But they stayed open for an agonizingly long time. Come on. I slammed my fist against the button again. I just needed a few minutes alone to clear my head. Come on. I pushed on the button again. Just as the doors started to close, Matt slid into the elevator.
Damn it.
I didn’t say a word as Matt hit the button for the Pruitts’ floor. I tried to focus on the elevator music, but it was hard to pretend Matt wasn’t there. We were alone. When we were alone, we were always kissing or holding hands or I’d be wrapped in his arms. But he didn’t touch me now. And I could feel the distance between us.
“Did you kiss him?” Matt asked.
The elevator music wasn’t loud enough to drown him out. “No.” I shook my head. “I mean, not today. Not recently.”
“Not recently?”
“Not since you left me your varsity jacket.” Even though Matt and I hadn’t made our relationship official that night, that’s when I was all in. That’s why everything he did hurt so freaking much.
“Do you still have feelings for him?”
Why weren’t these doors opening? “Yes.”
His inhale was sharp, like I’d just slapped him. “Why?”
I didn’t want to talk about Felix with him. I didn’t want to talk to him at all. “For starters, he’s not embarrassed to talk to me in public. And he’s always been my friend.”
“Brooklyn…”
“But you have nothing to worry about because he clearly hates me now.” I wasn’t even sure who I was more upset with. Matt or myself. This was the longest elevator ride of my life. Matt would never understand. He had tons of friends. He had a family. Everyone loved him. All I had were Kennedy and Felix. That was it. And now I only had Kennedy.
“That wasn’t my intention.”
“No?” I finally made eye contact with him. “It wasn’t your intention to make him hate me when you were punching him in the face?”
“I hit him because he touched you.”
The elevator doors finally opened with a happy little bell jingle that made me want to scream. “He’s allowed to touch me. You and I broke up!” How many times did I have to tell him this? He was acting like he wasn’t there when I told him it was over. I shoved my way past him.
I saw Miller standing in front of the Pruitts’ door. How did he beat us here? God, I didn’t want to go back inside that haunted prison. I also didn’t want to stand here and listen to Matt. My brain was screaming at me to make a run for it. That was my plan all along…to flee. But I’d messed it all up. No, Matt had. He’d ruined everything. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. He’d ruined me.
Kennedy had told me I needed to be brave. But I wasn’t brave. I took a step back and collided with Matt. His arms encircled me and I immediately felt more comforted. But thinking about how he had that effect on me just made me feel claustrophobic. I didn’t need him. I didn’t need anyone. I slipped out of his embrace and for a second I just stood there. I couldn’t run for my freedom. No matter which way I turned there was someone there to stop me. And right now, anything seemed better than standing next to Matt.
“Please just go home,” I said to him.