I sighed, trying not to think too much about those deep blue eyes that I missed, the impossibly sexy mess of hair. “Yeah, he called last night.
They’re doing good, working their way to the east coast. He’s somewhere in Pennsylvania, I think.”
Her eyes widened as she shook her head. “Pennsylvania? I’ve always wanted to head over there, see the history.” Leaning back in her seat, her eyes got a little dreamy. “Lucky guy, he’s getting to see the world.” Tapping my pen against my notebook, I nodded. “Yeah…yeah he is.” Chuckling softly, I added, “Well, this country at least.” Students around us filtered in as Cheyenne and I went over what may or may not be on the test. Candy and her friends came in, sitting as far away from me as possible. I still wasn’t sure what Kellan had said to them, but she’d certainly backed off after he’d said it. I knew Kellan had a temper sometimes; I’d been the recipient on an occasion or two. Maybe Candy had never been snapped at before.
As I was debating it, Candy twisted in her seat. Spotting me, she glared, then rolled her eyes. Twisting back to Tina, she said something that made them all laugh, then Tina twisted to look at me. I flushed deep, coming up with a list of insults that she could have said. I guess she hadn’t backed off as much as I thought. Maybe Kellan had been gone for long enough that her confidence had boosted back up. Oh well, didn’t matter. Candy could like me or hate me, it didn’t change my relationship with Kellan.
Noticing the look, Cheyenne commented. “Candy sure has evil eyes for you. What did you ever do to her anyway?” Leaning in, she smiled.
“You’re far too sweet for anyone not to like.” I smiled at Cheyenne warmly, thinking that she should have seen me last year. I was anything but sweet then, constantly betraying Denny, breaking Kellan’s heart over and over. Shaking my head to clear away the memories, I shrugged. “She wanted to be the one dating the rock star.” Looking over at Candy, I smiled even wider. “But the rock star wanted to date me.” Wishing my dream had been real this morning, I sighed.
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Cheyenne laughed and muttered something about Candy needing to get over herself. A burly guy walked down the aisle in front of us. He sat in the seat directly in front of me, making the entire thing squeak a little.
As he shifted to get comfortable, I noticed something at the bottom of the chair. It was a scrap of paper, oddly stuffed into the edge of the seat, nearly invisible.
Smirking, I wondered if Kellan had shoved it there, one last impossible note for me to find. On a whim, I reached down and pulled the paper free. It took a second to jiggle it out of where it had been jammed.
Cheyenne watched me curiously. When I finally had it, she pointed at it.
“What’s that?”
Shaking my head, I sighed again. “Probably nothing.” Probably just my overactive imagination.
Unfolding the wadded-up paper, I busted out laughing. I had to slap my hand over my mouth to not cause a scene in the starting-to-get quiet room. It was from Kellan. On the tiny piece of paper he’d written, ‘Quit thinking of me naked and study, it’s the ethical thing to do.’
Still chuckling, I shook my head. How did he know I was having erotic dreams about him? Releasing my hand from my mouth, I trailed a finger over the words he’d created. Sighing, I wondered if he was having erotic dreams about me, too. I sort of hoped he was.
Cheyenne beside me giggled. “That from Kellan? He’s pretty funny.” She shook her head. “Gorgeous and funny, no wonder Candy hates you.”
Laughing at her comment, my eyes swept over some of the other chairs. How had he known I’d pick this particular seat? I really had been extremely lucky to find this note at all. When I started spotting tiny corners of papers sticking out of some of the other seats, I reconsidered. I wasn’t lucky…Kellan had tucked notes everywhere. My God, that must have taken him forever. When the hell had he done that? And what did they all say? As the professor had just started class, I couldn’t start collecting them yet. I’d have to wait until after class to find out. My smile was huge all throughout the final exam…I’m sure I was quite possibly the happiest person taking it.
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Cheyenne waved goodbye after class, wishing me luck on my scores.
Smiling at her, I pretended to take forever gathering my stuff together.
When the room was mostly empty, I began my note-seeking quest. It took me a while, but I eventually recovered every scrap that Kellan had tucked away. When all the chairs were clean, I ended up with about a hundred little messages. I immediately went home, to ponder them all in the privacy of my room. Some were hot, some were sweet, but all of them were a joyful surprise. He’d done so much to make sure that I wouldn’t forget him, almost like he was still scared that I would. Clutching the necklace around my throat, I shook my head. My eyes stung with tears. Like I ever could.
Tucking a note that merely said, ‘I love you,’ into my pocket, I started to get ready for work. Since today had been the last day of school for all of the college kids, we were expecting it to be pretty busy. Especially since our new band had started to gather a fan base around themselves.
I wasn’t too thrilled with someone else being up on Kellan’s stage, but I had to admit that the group was good. Evan and Kellan had signed them up for Pete before heading out of town. The Seattle music scene was sort of a small social circle, with everybody knowing everybody else, and Kellan had thought that this particular group of guys would be the best fit for the bar.
When I say guys, I should clarify…I mean girls. Yeah, Kellan had signed up a girl band. Don’t get me wrong, they rocked like any other male band on the planet, but, I smirked when I saw them for the first time. I had the distinct feeling that Kellan had picked a group of girls on purpose. Wouldn’t want me fawning over another male, moody artist.
Putting my stuff away in the back room an hour later, I was assaulted by my peppy best friend. Wrapping her arms around me, Jenny kissed my cheek. “Hey, Kiera. How was your last class?” I grinned like a dopey idiot, thinking about the dozens of love notes currently sprawled across my bed. “Wonderful…” I exhaled, a little dreamily. Jenny looked at me like I was mental. And I supposed my love-filled sigh was sort of a strong reaction to taking a final. Laughing a little, I shrugged. “What can I say, I love school.” 223
Smiling crookedly, she shook out her golden locks. “You’re so weird.” Playfully batting her on the arm, the two of us headed out to start our shifts. In the hallway, we were stopped by someone exiting the bathroom. “Oh, hey, Kiera, Jenny.”
Looking over to the doors, I contained a sigh. A member of the girl band playing tonight was smiling at me. They called themselves Poetic Bliss, and the girl heading my way was the lead singer. Her name was Rain, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t what was written on her birth cer-tificate. Pretty sure, since the other band member’s names were Blessing, Meadow, Sunshine, and…Tuesday.
I had a really hard time saying that last one with a straight face. I wasn’t sure if they’d all changed their names once joining the band, or if a group of uniquely named girls had just happened to come across each other. I was leaning more towards the name change. The only thing I was certain of, was that Rain knew my boyfriend in ways that most women around here seemed to know my boyfriend. Intimate ways. That was why I always wanted to sigh every time she talked to me. There was a definite downside to dating a former man whore.
Jauntily walking up to me, I tried to not picture her entangled with Kellan. It was kind of hard to not think about it, though. She was spunky, energetic, one of those people that was constantly moving. I kept imagining her being sort of…wild…behind closed doors. Knowing that I really wasn’t outrageously great in bed or anything, I immediately felt like I fell short. But love and lust were different things, and all of her playful antics hadn’t made Kellan fall for her, so I must be doing something right. Besides…Kellan never complained about our sex life.
Rain came up and gave me a swift hug. “Hey, thank Kellan again for lining up this gig for me. It’s awesome here, I love it!” The petite woman was three or four inches shorter than me but she made up for it by wearing six-inch heels on her chunky boots. With her jet-black hair cropped into a short, shaggy mess and her dark eyes highlighted in dramatic shades of gray and pink, she looked the part of a tough rocker chick. The clingy, low-cut shirt and barely-there pleated miniskirt completed the look. Well, that and the spiked collar around her neck.
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“Yeah, I’ll tell him,” I mumbled, wishing I could go back in time and tell a much younger Kellan that saying no was a perfectly acceptable response to come-ons, that sex wasn’t the same as love. But I’m pretty sure young Kellan wouldn’t have listened. He’d had to figure that one out on his own.
Reaching my hand in my pocket to feel his note, I added, “Have a great night up there. You guys are sounding really good.” She tilted her dark head at me, bouncing up on her toes a little bit.
“Thanks! I was so excited to play tonight. I couldn’t wait to get here.” She looked around the mostly empty hallway. “When do the cute guys come in anyway?”
I bit back a smile. Well, they usually strolled in hours before they played, too. Shrugging, I only told her, “Business picks up in an hour or so.”
She nodded, giggling. “I’m gonna shoot some pool then. Catch you later!” With that, she turned and skipped down the hall, the pleats of her skirt showing way more of her bare leg than I’d ever dare to show in public.
Jenny looped her arm through mine. “Stop it right now.” I looked back at her, frowning. “Stop what?”
“Comparing yourself.” She nodded up the hall to where the sprightly girl had disappeared. “I know you heard her and Rita talking about having sex with Kellan. I saw your face when they were describing their moments.” She frowned. “Well, before you hightailed it and ran…and I don’t blame you for that one.”
I cringed, remembering walking into a conversation that I’d never wanted to hear…ever. Apparently Rita and Kellan’s hookup had happened right here at the bar, after closing one night. And when I say
“bar” I mean that literally…he’d taken her right next to the soda dis-penser. I’d dashed out of the conversation just as Rain had been explaining how they’d made his car shake so much that she’d been worried it 225
would tip over. I was not thrilled to have that in my head every time I drove his…baby…somewhere.
I sighed as I started walking down the hall. “It doesn’t matter. That’s his history,” I smiled weakly, “and I’m his future.” Hopefully.
Jenny clapped me on the back, smiling brightly. “That’s the spirit.
Now the next time you say it, say it without looking like your puppy just died.”
I laughed at her comment, genuinely feeling better. I still clutched Kellan’s love note all throughout my shift, though, especially when Poetic Bliss took the stage.
When I got home that night and stared at all of the evidence of Kellan’s affection around my room—notes, lyrics, pictures—I grabbed a suitcase from my closet and started packing. I was leaving Monday with my sister to head back home for the holidays. By this time next week, Kellan and I would be reunited. Just the thought spurred me to action. I couldn’t sleep, I needed to do something, and packing seemed as good a distraction as any.
Humming one of Poetic Bliss’s songs to myself, I pulled out my warmest sweaters. I made sure I included the ugly green one that made me look like a frumpy housewife. My parents had given it to me last year and I knew my mom would ask about it if I didn’t wear it. Since I’d invited Kellan to crash the party, I wanted them in the best mood possible.
Stuffing some socks around the edge of my bag, I startled when my phone trilled at me. Seeing who was calling, I brightened even more.
“Hey, you,” I sighed, “I’ve missed you all day.” Kellan laughed in my ear, the sound sending a shiver down my spine.
“I missed you, too. Anything noteworthy today?” He emphasized the word note and I giggled, sitting down on my pile of them. “Ah, yeah, actually. The cleaning staff at school has been slack-ing off lately. I found at least a hundred slips of paper that the janitors missed.”
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“Hmmm…just a hundred? Guess some got nabbed by your class-mates.” He laughed again. “I hope they got the kinky ones.” I flushed, wondering what he meant by kinky. Biting my lip, I smiled and ran a hand back through my hair. “I’m packing right now…I can’t wait to see you next week.” I looked out the window, east, to where he was miles and miles away from me. “Is there anything you need from your place? I could grab it?”
“I can’t wait to see you either. In fact, I bought this lingerie for you before I left, tucked it away for when I got back…you could bring that?” I sat up straight, flushing even more. I had no idea if he was joking or not. “Uh, I don’t…um…”
He chuckled in my ear as I stammered for a response. Just the thought of wearing something sultry and having those bedroom eyes wash over me…it made me tingle. “I’m kidding, Kiera. You don’t have to dress sexy for me…you already are.”
Smiling, I looked down at the plain tank top and lounge pants I’d put on. Yep, that was me…sexy as all get out. I sighed and he heard it. “You okay?”
Not meaning to say anything, I blurted out, “Rain says thank you…again.”
“Oh.” His voice sounded surprised. He’d probably been expecting something much different to come out of my mouth. “Well, tell her it was no big deal. Her band is great, they deserve the opportunity.”
“Yeah,” I muttered, “And she’s not one to pass up an opportunity.” I bit my lip and cringed, hating that I’d actually said that out loud. I hated sounding jealous and petty.
Kellan, of course, heard my tone and deciphered it correctly. His voice a little tight, he quietly said, “She told you, didn’t she?” 227
I exhaled in a rush, not really wanting to talk about this, but knowing I’d opened the can and Kellan wouldn’t let it go until all of the worms were back inside it. “No, I overheard her and Rita comparing notes.” I said Rita’s name a bit harshly and clamped my mouth shut. God, the harpy was coming out of me today.
Kellan sighed. “Oh…did you know about Rita already?” he whispered that, his voice really tentative.
“Yes.” The word came out short, clipped, and I forced myself to relax.
History…future. I needed to remember that mantra.
Kellan was silent for a second and I nearly wanted to apologize for bringing it up. He spoke before I could. “I’m sorry, Kiera. I never wanted you to have to hear about…them. If I could stop the gossiping, you know I would.”
I sighed and laid back on my bed, propping my feet up. “You don’t have to apologize, Kellan. It’s…water under the bridge, really.” Shaking my head, I tried to change the subject. “What about you, what have you been up to?”
He was quiet a moment, then murmured, “Just shows and traveling.
I’m so sorry I haven’t had a chance to come home yet. With us on the road between shows, there just hasn’t been enough time to fly back to you.”
I exhaled, the sound wistful to my ears. “I know. I miss you…so much.” I closed my eyes.
He chuckled, his voice husky. “I miss you, too. I have the wildest dreams about you. You would not believe the hard-ons I wake up with.” My eyes sprang open as I listened to him chuckle in my ear. My body heated at his words. I imagined his response to his dreams and my response to my dreams. It warmed me that we were both waking up…unsatisfied. “Me too,” I whispered, my face heating worse than my body. He laughed a little more and I slapped my hand over my eyes. “I mean, I’m not hard, but…” I groaned, hating the words that sometimes left my mouth.
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