“HEY, MOTHERFUCKERS!” We all heard called from Ana’s front door.
“Brodi must have gotten cut,” Ana laughed as he walked out onto the patio, where we gathered as sweat-covered victims of the horrific heat, too buzzed to care. Brodi sat a fresh bottle of tequila on the table, and we all groaned in anticipation of the hangover. Two shots in, the music got louder, and the party got more animated. Reid had surprised me by taking shots of the tequila, and I surprised myself by walking up to him after my third.
“Why do you look so bored?”
He shrugged. “Same old shit,” he muttered.
“Where would you rather be?”
Sea glass eyes drifted over to mine. “Doesn’t matter.”
“You miss her?”
He frowned and then shook his head. “No, and stop analyzing me, because you’re getting it all wrong.”
“Fine, sorry,” I whispered. I backed away then because I felt the frustration rolling off of him. Even in the midst of friends, that edge was always there, as if any minute he would break or blow or both. It scared me, but in a dangerous way, I was drawn to it. Reid was unpredictable in his moods, careful with his words, and constantly skirted the line between pissed off and pissed on. Paige thought the world of him, Neil, too, which should have eased my mind, but it didn’t.
I was both fascinated by and in fear of what I felt with Reid, and it was only getting stronger. A gravitational pull lured me to him. I wanted inside his head. And that was just the start of what I wanted.
Maybe he knew I could see the beauty behind his mask of indifference and I made him feel just as uneasy as he made me.
For most of that night, I steered clear of Reid, while Brodi filled my ear on one side with the mechanics of rolling a good joint, and Paige sat giggling in Neil’s lap on the other. Still, the idiot who got bolder with each shot of Cuervo managed to win out. I looked for and found him missing from the crowded porch. Without a single partygoer noticing, I managed to slip inside to find Reid on his phone.
“I’m sorry. I know. I’m fucking sorry. I’ll find a way to help. I swear.”
I held my breath as I passed him to make it seem like I was going to the bathroom and caught his glare as I rounded the kitchen table. I was intruding again by simply breathing. When I’d washed my hands and wiped the sweat-induced black streaks from underneath my eyes, I walked out of the bathroom to see Reid sitting on the couch. His stare distant, his cast and forearm resting on his knees. I paused, my heart racing as I bit my lip. Everything in me told me it wasn’t the time.
I knew not to say a word.
“What’s wrong?”
Fucking tequila.
Instead of the glare I expected, I got a sarcastic laugh followed by silence. I saw the crack then. It was small, but it was there.
“Reid?”
He gripped his hair in his fist and shoved it back.
Tread carefully.
The words echoed in my head as he loosely scoured me.
“If you need to talk to someone—”
“Stella.” He was exasperated, and I knew he was holding back his wrath in respect of my sister. I resented their friendship in that moment.
“If Paige wasn’t my sister,” I said slowly before I sank down to squat in front of him. Eye level, he searched my face as if he couldn’t believe I had the nerve to ask. And without a belly full of courage, I knew I wouldn’t have. “What would you say to me right now?”
I could see the bite, and for some reason, I was a glutton for it. Maybe I wanted to see what he truly thought about me in that moment when his wall was temporarily down and the anger was seeping through. I was hoping for it. Because maybe then I wouldn’t be so tempted by him, so curious about him, so needful of his attention. And I didn’t want to be. If there was one thing I knew about Reid Crowne, it was that he was fire, and it took fire to recognize it.
“We’re both victims of circumstance, aren’t we? I’m stuck with you too, for now, Reid, so just say it.”
And in the hazel mass of clouds that built as I watched him, I saw it. The slight fear in his eyes when he looked at me, the temptation, a reflection of the same flames.
I wasn’t alone.
“I’m right here,” I said, throwing another log on as I stood before him. His eyes slowly drifted up to my face. The air charged between us, and it was overwhelming. I was high on him. So high, I began to shake. I swallowed hard as I tried to find a solid voice. “What’s on your mind, Reid?”
“Stella.” Paige’s voice cut through the haze as she made her way into the living room. “What are y’all doing?” Without a reply, she looked between us and then settled her accusatory stare on Reid. “Reid, come with me to the store. We need more beer.”
I moved to grab the can I left on the table and downed it as I passed my sister to avoid eye contact. I could feel her eyes follow me as she picked up her purse and ushered Reid out of the house. Instead of joining the party, I bypassed the patio and walked around the side of the brick to see if I could hear their conversation down the front walk.
“What are you doing?” Paige said in a scolding hiss. Reid’s words couldn’t be deciphered as their car doors closed.
Paige saw it. We all were aware. The lines had been drawn. Reid had been careful with his footing, and I had just become aware of myself teetering on the edge Paige was going to make sure neither of us crossed.
And maybe it was for the best. But deep inside me, the fire had been lit, and though it was low lying, I knew it would only be a matter of time.
So did Reid.
And so did my sister.
Later that night, the party continued at Paige’s apartment. A few people had come back with us, and Neil played DJ while the rest of us gathered in the kitchen, dancing while finishing the bottle of tequila. Reid sat alone on the plastic chair on Paige’s two-person porch, chain-smoking, his black boots crossed on top of one of her terracotta pots. I was tired but had people sitting on my bed, and the more I drank, the more I felt driven toward that porch. When Paige and Reid rejoined the party earlier, he hadn’t so much as looked at me. I wanted to feel relieved, but instead, I felt a restless stir. Even in the back seat on the way home, he didn’t glance my way. My sister had done her job. And the more I thought about it, the more resentful I became toward her rule.
After an hour of watching the black boots out my peripheral, I walked onto the porch with the last beer and handed it to him. He took it and popped the top without a thank you as I stood against the railing, obstructing his view from the grass that we’d laid on days ago.
His face covered in shadow, he sipped the beer wordlessly until he drained it.
“Can I come to practice this week?”
Reid exhaled and grabbed another cigarette from his pack. “No practice this week.”
He was lying.
“You’re lying.”
“Even so,” he said in a whisper, a cigarette dangling from his lips, “no practice this week.” I scoffed and crossed my arms over my stomach, gripping my sides. I was wearing a thin tank top that showed my midriff and cut off shorts. Reid’s eyes covered me, stopping at the bronze skin of my stomach before they flicked away.
“Is this about Paige? Because I can talk to her. She thinks there’s something going on, and I can tell her there’s nothing.” I took his silence for confirmation that statement was bullshit. Because every beat of my restless heart told me that something was definitely going on, and on both our parts.
Reid stood and crushed his cigarette. That alone had us inches away from each other. “’Night, Stella.”
“Great. You know I’m trapped in this hell, too. Don’t leave me hanging like this.”
Reid shoved his cigarettes into his jeans and looked me over. “I’m not the answer.”
“What? What does that even mean?” I said, taking a step forward. Pushing.
“It means you need to find your own friends here,” he said thoughtfully. “This isn’t your crowd.” I’m not for you.
“Who says?” That’s my decision. I took another step forward. “I say.”
“Stella.” Stay away.