He sat on the top step of the porch and rubbed his hands together. “I think today was a parenting fail overall.”
“It doesn’t have to be if you fix things with her. It’s hard for me to watch how Judy gets treated sometimes. She’s more than a pretty face, so much more than that, but it’s as if this town has painted her into that frame of little miss beautiful, and they won’t allow her to break free. She deserves more than that. She deserves a chance to have a shot—a real shot—at her dream.”
“I’ll make sure to talk to her.”
“Thank you, and I am sorry about how dinner went. I get overwhelmed by Mama sometimes.”
“I think you both get overwhelmed by each other. You’re very much alike, you know,” he told me.
I cringed. “We’re nothing alike.”
He smiled and shook his head. “That’s what your mama said when I told her, too. Buttercup, are you okay? Now, you know I’m not one to follow along with any rumors, but the fact that you are running around with Jackson Emery is a little worrying for me.”
“Why is everyone against him?” I asked. “He’s not evil.”
“No,” he agreed. “But he is damaged, which can be dangerous. I don’t want you to get hurt, especially when you’re already hurting so much. Maybe putting a little distance between the two of you wouldn’t be a bad thing, especially as you figure out what’s going on with your marriage.”
“What do you mean ‘figure out what’s going on’? Finn chose someone else, and for goodness’ sake, she’s having his child.”
“Yes, but don’t you think it’s important to be more than what Finn has been to you? To have the elegance to completely resolve one situation before moving on to another? I know you’re hurting, and your mind is jumbled, but that’s why I’m being so protective of you right now. Jackson Emery has never been one to make people’s lives easier. He makes messes, and I don’t want him to do that to your heart, not after it’s already been broken.”
“He’s not as bad as you think, Dad,” I whispered, my voice shaky.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, then placed his glasses on the top of his head. “If he’s really not that bad, then he’ll be around after you figure out the details of your marriage.”
“So…what? You want me to avoid him because the town thinks he’s a bad influence?”
“No, not at all. I just want you to take a second to breathe. It seems as though your life has been spiraling, and I don’t want you to go from one bad situation to another. Just take the time to heal before rushing into something else.” He placed a hand on my knee and squeezed it. “You’ll be all right, Grace. Just don’t rush into something that probably won’t last. Jackson Emery doesn’t have a history of many friendships, and I’m sure there’s a reason for that. I just don’t want you to find out the hard way.”
“I wish you could see what I see when I look at him,” I whispered.
“And what is it that you see?”
I swallowed hard and shrugged my shoulders. “Hope.”
Before he could reply, Hank and Judy walked up to the house. “Dad? What are you doing here?” she asked, looking perplexed.
Dad stood and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I was hoping I could hear a sermon.”
Judy’s eyes glassed over, and as the tears fell, she was quick to wipe them away. “It’s stupid, Dad. Don’t even worry about it.”
“It’s not stupid,” he replied, walking over to her. “I’m stupid. The way I responded was wrong and cold, and I apologize for hurting you. I’d love to go inside and hear your words, Judith Rae, if you’ll let me.”
She smiled and nodded.
The two walked inside, and Hank came to stand by me. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“Always and always,” I replied.
37
Jackson
“Are you okay?” I asked when Grace showed up at my place. She hadn’t said much of anything, but I could see in her eyes that she wanted to use sex to forget that night.
“No,” she told me as she began to unbutton her shirt. Her eyes swam with emotion as I placed my hand over hers, bringing her movement to a stop.
“What is it?”
“Nothing, really. Can we just…” Her words trailed off as she tried her best to blink her tears away, but Grace wasn’t one to hide her emotions easily. She felt everything in the complete opposite way of me. Her emotions lived on the surface while mine swirled in the depths beneath.
She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. Her thoughts must’ve been flying through her mind quickly because as she parted her lips, no words came out.
I placed my hands on her lower back and pulled her into a hug. “We don’t have to talk,” I told her. “But we don’t have to have sex tonight. I can just hold you.”
She shook her head back and forth as her body trembled against mine. “That goes against our arrangement.”
“I think we’re miles past our arrangement, princess.”
With a sharp inhale, she spoke. “Everything’s a mess. My father thinks I’m making a huge mistake being close to you. He didn’t say those exact words, but I know he’s disappointed in the way I’m dealing with everything, and my mother…” she muttered, her voice cracking. “She’s so hard on me.”
“Don’t take it personally. She’s hard on everyone because the world made her that way.”
“Same as you?” she asked.
“Same as me,” I replied. Even though I couldn’t stand Loretta Harris, I saw how we shared some of the same traits.
She sniffled and laid her head against my chest. “Every day, it’s hard to breathe. I do fine when I’m with you, but when I leave your side, it’s hard again. I feel like I’m using you as a temporary Band-Aid for my pain.”
“You can use me all you want,” I told her. “In any way you wish.”
I felt my heart skip a beat.
Lately, my heart had been skipping a lot of beats around her, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I simply allowed it to happen, not wanting to read too much into it all.
“I’m broken,” she warned me.
“Yeah, I know.” I took her hand and kissed her palm. “I am too.”
She placed her hands against my chest and felt my heart beat against her fingertips. “Fix me for a while?”
“I’ll fix you all night long, and then I’ll continue tomorrow.”
38
Grace
He didn’t fix me with his body but with his words. We stayed up talking about anything and everything in our lives, which made it a bit easier for me to breathe. Knowing more facts about Jackson made life seem less lonesome.
“When did you know you wanted to work on cars?” I asked him.
He grimaced a bit and shrugged. “I didn’t. I wanted to go to art school. I took more so after my mom than my dad, but after everything that happened, I figured I should help out at the shop.”
“You never wanted to be a mechanic?”
“Never.”
That made me sad for him. He couldn’t even find the time to chase his dreams after spending most of his life caring for his father. “You can always go back to school,” I told him.
He shrugged. “I’m fine here.”
“But are you happy here?”
“Happiness never really seemed like an option for someone like me.”
“You deserve it more than most.”
“But less than you.” He somewhat grinned. “You deserve it the most.”
We lived in a strange world, he and I. A world where we weren’t exactly free to express how we really felt for one another, but in my mind, I told him over and over again.
I adore you. I adore you. I adore you…
His finger traced my wrist and then he pulled my arm closer to his and kissed it. “You’re bruised from the last time I pinned you down.”
“There are worse ways to get bruises.” I smirked. He frowned a little, looking at my wrist. “It’s okay, Jackson. I’m fine.”
“I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“Lately, you’re about the only thing not hurting me.” I moved in and kissed his lips softly.