With a hearty sigh, Ben raised his arms, lacing his fingers on top of his head. Still staring.
“That should not have happened,” I said. “And it was my fault. You got hurt by one of your oldest friends because of me.”
He blinked, the hint of a smile disappearing. “No. I let Mal take a couple of shots at me because he’s one of my oldest friends. Shit, he’s more than that. He’s my brother. When shit went bad between Dave and me last year, he’s the one that talked Dave around, smoothed it over. Now, I gave Mal my word on you, and I broke it. I deserved him being pissed at me, and between us we just sorted that out. End of story.”
“I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to like it. This is between me and Mal.”
“So what I think doesn’t matter?”
“Not about this, no,” he said, looking me right in the eye.
Assholes. I turned my back on him for a minute, pulling myself together. Everything inside of me was in flux, a crazy mess.
“Never had a woman try to protect me like that before,” he said softly. “Mal was right, you’re fierce.”
I raised my chin, turning back to face him.
“Stubborn. Loyal.”
I shrugged. “Hungry.”
He laughed, pushing off from the door with one foot, coming toward me. Once more he placed a kiss on the top of my head. Without thought I leaned into him. Ben had somehow come to represent warmth and safety. A kind of home for Bean and me, despite my best efforts to keep a safe distance between us. But maybe home wasn’t about the heart, exactly, but about something deeper. We’d made a child together, it made sense there’d be a link. No need for me to get all carried away.
I don’t know.
My feelings for him hadn’t particularly made me any wiser. They constantly pushed and pulled me in different, confusing directions. I didn’t know if I’d ever figure it out. What I felt for him, however, and what I felt for Bean, were so extraordinarily big. I’d never known there was room in me for so much emotion. If I could just attach myself to him, that would be great. Perhaps he’d like a pet limpet. Ha! It was all probably just another weirdo hormonal thing and in five minutes I’d be all whatever about him. A girl could hope.
“You okay?” he asked with a smile.
“Fine.”
“Do me a favor?”
“What?”
“Stay out of fights. Keep our baby safe.”
“Good point,” I groaned. “I kind of lost it back there.”
“Yeah, you kind of did.”
“Sorry.”
“I’m a big boy, Liz. You can trust me to look after myself, okay? I’m not going to be letting anyone else take a swing at me. I hit the gym just about every day with Jim. I’m no delicate little flower you need to protect.”
“Okay.”
He set his hands on my shoulders and gazed down. “And I understand. I do. Shit’s complicated, but if anyone laid a finger on you, I’d lose it too. You’re going to have to get over it and forgive Mal, though. I meant what I said. This isn’t good. No more fighting within our family. I want it finished.”
I gave him a nod. “I’ll work on it. But there’s no way I’m living with them anymore. For lots of reasons. Time to get my own room.”
“Liz, you’ve just been sick enough to be on a week’s bed rest. Anne said your blood pressure is still gonna be an issue for a while. I don’t think now’s the time to be alone. What if something happens?”
“What’s my alternative? Jimmy and Lena need their alone time right now. I’m not going to inflict myself upon them.”
Deep sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. You better move in with me.”
“With you?” I asked, surprised.
“Well, yeah.” He spread his arms wide. “I get two-bedroom suites ’cause I like my space. Plenty of room for you.”
“What about your nightly parties? I don’t want to be a downer, but…”
“They’ll go somewhere else. Fuck, Vaughan and Down Fourth can have ’em in their room for a change. Not a problem.”
I slumped in relief. It also worked well to hide the excitement bolting through me. Me and Ben living together. Wow. What a notion. “Sounds great!”
“Cool.” He clapped his hands, rubbed them together. “This’ll work out great. We’ll be meshing, working on being friends and all. Plus I won’t have to worry about you being on your own.”
“Friends. Awesome.”
That word. I had to translate it to happy in my mind. Make it work. Ben and I would be friends. Friends friends friends.
He held up his big paw. “Give me five, friend.”
I did so, smacking my palm against his with great zest. Fire-truck, that hurt.