“I’m serious. Nothing since that night. Haven’t even come close.”
Wow. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Guess I lost my libido.” He scratched at his chin. “Wasn’t even interested. Just … nothing.”
“You couldn’t get it up?” I asked, mildly horrified, and much too curious. Ben always seemed so virile.
“I didn’t want to get it up,” he said. “There’s a difference.”
“Huh. But Jimmy said—”
“Jimmy doesn’t know everything.” He cracked his neck, irritation in his gaze. “Wish you hadn’t heard all that.”
I couldn’t truthfully say the same. Their conversation had been most enlightening.
“I couldn’t get interested in screwing anyone because I was worried about you and the baby,” he said. “Dealing with all this has been big, you know?”
“Yeah. Sex having consequences is kind of a bummer.” I smiled. “I guess I’ve been pretty sheltered, really. Anne always dealt with the serious stuff. But this time she can’t. It’s all on me.”
“And me.”
“Yes.” Time would tell.
“Anyway,” he said. “Just thought you’d find it funny.”
“That you were suffering from erectile dysfunction? Ben, there’s no way I’d find that funny.”
“It’s wasn’t erectile dysfunction, Liz,” he said with a wounded gaze. “Don’t say that.”
“Okay, okay. Sorry.”
“I was just numb. Lost my interest in sex for a while.”
“Right. Numb.”
“Anyway,” he said, still frowning. Male egos. So touchy. “Soon as I’m around you again, my dick decides to come out of hibernation. Thank fuck. Was worried I’d have to wait till you’d had the baby to get it back.”
“Yeah. Phew.” I thought the information over for a while. Not necessarily good news—for me, at least. The other women of the world would probably benefit greatly by it, however. “Well, we did talk out some of our issues, so it’s entirely natural that you’d be feeling better about the situation, I suppose.”
He screwed up his face. “Sweetheart, I’m not talking about us being friends, though that’s nice and all. I’m talking about the fact that you turn me on. Have since the minute I met you. Physically, you get to me.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, you do. I’m just going to have to channel that interest elsewhere.”
My mouth worked, though nothing came out for a while. I got to him. God, if only he knew how much he still got to me. Hope was well out of my price range, however. I couldn’t afford to get physical with him. My emotions were far too involved, and clearly the man was only out for some fun. Without a doubt, I knew that now.
“Ben, are you sure this isn’t some mental block you were having,” I asked. “All the worry about the pregnancy and how it was going to affect things, as opposed to me physically?”
He raised a brow.
“Hey, I’ve seen some of those women out there,” I said. “They’re stunning. And if they’ve been hanging around you night after night, then it seems unlikely that me with my beginner’s baby bump and fat ankles suddenly lights up your life.”
His tongue played behind his cheek and he said nothing. There was definitely laughter in his eyes, however.
“I’m just trying to be rational,” I added.
“Problem is, rational doesn’t come into it.”
Hmm.
“Dicks don’t have brains. It’s why men get into trouble.”
The man had a point. Dicks obviously didn’t have emotions, either, the annoying things.
“The point I’m messing up here is, Liz, you’re right. I was jealous. I want you. I’m not going to act on that because shit’s complicated enough and we’re working on being friends here. It’s what’s best for the baby.”
“Right.” What he said was no less than the truth. Still, my vagina went into a deep depression. My heart wasn’t too happy about it, either.
“The business is hell on relationships—all the separations and everything. Couples don’t last. Seen it time and time again. I don’t want to put our kid through some messy split and neither do you.”
“What?” I cocked my head. “You really mean that. But what about David and Ev?”
“Time’ll tell.”
My eyes were wide. “I think that’s sad, Ben.”
“Trust me, Liz. What’s best for our kid right now is you and me working on having a long-term relationship we can both live with. That means us being friends and figuring out how to be parents together, right?”
“Right. I guess.”
“I know I’m not the psychology student here, but I also think it would really help if you didn’t get with any of my friends or people I work with. Ever. I think that would, ah, complicate things.”
“Yes. Fair enough.”
“And I won’t hook up with any of your friends, either. Ever.”
“Thanks.”
He tipped his chin in acknowledgment.
“Wow, we’re really going great, setting up the friendship boundaries,” I said.
A smile.
“This should all work perfectly.” Heartbreakingly so.
“I hope so,” he said.
“Might be best if we didn’t talk about your penis and sex between us again in the future, though. Maybe we should tone back the total honesty just a little.”
He winced. “You’re right. My bad. No need to confuse shit.”
“No problem.”
He held out his right hand to me, knuckles pink and large fingers calloused. “Friends?”
“You bet. Being friends will be great.”