I think to myself while mentally correcting her words in my mind, that actually, River Wilde was my crush before he was a rock star, and no matter what she says, she’s obviously setting me up so I can’t say no. Aerie knows I secretly swooned over him after we met at the USC Campus Bar many years ago. She knows he’s the singer whose songs were always on repeat, not only on my iPod, but also in my head. And she knows he was the one singer I never talked to Ben about, and now she wants me to meet him, again.
“You are going to owe me so big, you know that right? I’ll do it, I’m sure he won’t remember me anyway and even so it’s not like anything embarrassing happened, you know?” I finally manage to croak out.
“Thank you so much, I really do love you Dahlia girl,” Aerie croons and then spends the next hour telling me the highlights of River’s career.
After we hang up, my mind wanders back to how I felt that night I met River. How that was still the only time someone’s touch sent goosebumps up my arms. I remember the feelings I felt then, feelings I have long since buried. I hope to God they don’t resurrect tomorrow. How could they? Those were feelings of a young college girl who was in love with someone else anyway.
Every now and then I have thought about our intense connection that night in the bar and wondered if it might have been more in my mind than it actually was. More like it was okay to want to believe in something you knew couldn’t possibly be.
Besides, even if the connection was real, River is somewhat famous now and I’m sure he has a lot of women after him or possibly a girlfriend even. What does any of that matter anyway? I’m still a broken girl struggling through the stages of my grief, trying to reenter the real world without the man who is still a part of me.
I haven’t paid much attention to River’s career since Ben’s death. Curiosity takes over and I Google his name. I read a few articles about him and download his latest songs. I slip into my bed around eleven not even realizing I never watched Vampire Diaries.
BEGIN AGAIN
I’ve been spending the last years
Thinking love will always leave you
I wondered if it would all begin again
Memories of years ago flood my mind
And I can’t help but think of you.
Shimmering through the desert haze of Nevada is the most dynamic city on earth. My plane is just about to touch down on the ground that’s often referred to as a latter-day El Dorado. My stomach is in knots. It’s a mix of nervous excitement and downright fear. I’m nervous because this is my first day back to work in almost two years. I’m excited because I finally feel like I’m doing something productive after so long. And I’m fearful because of who I will be interviewing to prep for his upcoming photo-shoot. Well, I’m not really fearful as much as uncertain or maybe even apprehensive, or dare I say, eager to meet with him.
We’ve been circling the airport waiting to land for almost forty-five minutes. I’m sitting in the plush leather seat of the plane listening to the music I recently downloaded. Looking out the window and past the clouds, I can see the crowded and famous Las Vegas strip. I’m trying to comprehend how I allowed myself to be talked into this job. How is it that in just a few short minutes I’m going to be seeing River again?
Earlier this morning Aerie texted me a list of hygiene items I might want to attend to before hitting my first ‘freelance’ job. These items included shaving my legs and blow-drying my hair, both of which she knows I’ve done very infrequently since Ben’s death. She also rudely advised me to put some thought in my wardrobe selection.
Last night I carefully picked out what I was going to wear today. I had decided on a white blouse, a black pencil skirt, and the standard high-heeled black pumps. However, after listening to The Wilde Ones’ album this morning, their music actually inspired me to want to go to work today.