As I drive past the For Sale sign in my front yard, I’m sad that I might never spend another night in that house. That I might never get to feel the warmth and comfort that I used to embrace so willingly before Ben was killed. Ben and I loved that house, picket fence and all. I remember telling Ben I never wanted to move. Our house had everything I needed, everything that was important to me: close beach proximity, the most amazing garden, a tranquil back yard, and a front porch where we could grow old and tell stories of our adventures to our grandkids.
The sadness that now emblazons within me is not without cause. For someone to want to destroy another’s personal possessions is beyond my comprehension. The things they randomly destroyed were my lifeline to my past, all I had left of the people I loved so much. Seeing my pearls ripped apart like that, taken from a beautiful circle of hope, and turned into small desolate islands broke me once more but this time I was not alone. River was there to soothe me. After silencing my sorrow and wiping my tears with his presence, he discussed what to do next. Call the police, gather anything I wanted to take, and head back to his house.
I did agree to go back to his house, but only for the night. He didn’t want me to be alone and honestly neither did I. He agreed to stop at Grace’s first for dinner and to unload the things I wanted to keep safe, but didn’t agree with me staying at Grace’s. He wanted me to stay with him. I explained that I not only need to be closer than sixty minutes from my house for the numerous repair estimates I’m going to have to arrange, but that I need to work on making myself whole before I can think of living with him. He didn’t question my statement, he didn’t argue, but he also didn’t agree. Maybe sensing my confused state of mind, he let it be. Instead, he kissed me and held me tight.
Pulling up to Grace’s house, I realize the storm is just about over. The wind seems to be calmer and the huge clouds that loomed over me, like a dark umbrella that felt so close I could almost touch them, are dissipating.
Standing in the driveway and waiting for River, a cool breeze of wind blasts over me as a ray of sunshine gleams down. As I look up to the sky a small drop of rain falls on my cheek, so fine and light I don’t even bother wiping it away. This is one tear I welcome. The smell of wet sand infiltrates my senses as the rain clears its way for a beautiful starry night.
I feel slightly nervous about introducing Grace to River. Although Grace is the woman who helped me through my adolescent years by teaching me how to drive, taking me shopping for my prom dress, helping me fill out my college applications, and even bringing me to my first gynecologist visit to put me on birth control, she’s also Ben’s mother. I’m sure she will accept a new man in my life, in fact I know she will, but nonetheless it will be awkward to introduce my once fiancé’s mother to my new boyfriend at her house. Because she’s an amazing woman and because I love her as if she were my mother, I want her to meet him and him to meet her. She’s who I aspire to be.
She’s shorter than I am with shoulder length blonde hair. Her creamy porcelain skin never ages and her deep blue eyes are always tranquil. She’s not only beautiful, but she sees the world through rose-colored glasses. She very rarely lets anything get her down. She’s strong and independent, fun and loving, caring and nurturing. She’s everything a girl would want in a mother, and I was lucky to have her willingly take on that role when my own loving mother no longer could.