Leah had just finished curling her hair when she heard her phone beep with an incoming text, and she leaned over and swiped the screen.
We’re running a little late. Are you guys on your way?
Leah picked up the phone and texted her sister back.
Not yet. Danny should be here any minute. We’ll meet you guys there.
A minute later, Sarah’s response came through.
K. Get a table if u guys get there first.
Leah put her phone down on the sink before she checked her makeup in the mirror. She and Danny were meeting Sarah and Kyle at one of their old hangout spots to celebrate the promotion Kyle had just gotten at work.
She walked out of the bathroom and back to her bedroom to grab her purple platform heels, or as Robyn called them, her “happy shoes.” She felt happy. It was such a simple concept, but it had eluded her for so long that she was constantly aware of its presence in everything she did. Everything felt new, like she was looking at the world through a different pair of eyes, rediscovering and suddenly appreciating things that the old Leah had overlooked.
The two weeks since Danny’s birthday had been the best two weeks of her life—an incredible blur of laughing and talking and cuddling, of smiles and shared secrets and making love.
She never imagined, even in her most sanguine teenage dreams, that being in love could ever feel like this.
Leah heard a knock on her door, and she stuck her head out of the bedroom. “Come in!” she called. “I’ll be out in a sec!”
She heard the front door open and close as she pulled her shoes out of the closet and stepped into them, and then she walked over to the full-length mirror, taking one last look at herself before she made her way out to the living room, her heels clicking against the hardwood floor.
“So guess what?” she said, stopping short when she saw him in the dining room. He was sitting with his elbows on the table and his hands clasped in front of his mouth. As soon as he saw her, he lowered his hands and smiled, but she could see that it was forced.
That there was a struggle behind his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
He inhaled slowly, and Leah watched his throat convulse as he swallowed. “My lawyer called today.”
Her stomach lurched, and she a felt a cold prickle down her spine.
“What did he say?”
Danny wet his lips before he looked up at her. “We have a sentencing date.”
It felt like her throat was closing. She tried to take a breath, but it was as if her lungs were full of glue. “When?” she managed, her voice barely audible.
“May second.”
Leah stood there for a minute, trying to process what he had just said.
May second. The day before her birthday.
She crossed the room to him, and he sat up as she approached, allowing her to crawl into his lap. Danny dropped his head to her shoulder, and she curled her arms around him, trying to keep her breathing even.
She couldn’t react right now. She couldn’t fall apart. She needed to keep it together.
But what was the point of being strong? What difference would it make? If she cried or if she didn’t, if she screamed or if she remained stoic, if she bargained or denied or accepted or fought, none of it would change anything. None of it would prevent what was about to happen.
May second. Less than two months away.
They sat there in silence, their arms around each other as Leah’s thoughts ran rampant. One minute her mind was racing with what this meant for them, what it meant for him, and the next it was eerily devoid of anything whatsoever.
“What do we do now?” she whispered, her voice not sounding like her own.
She hadn’t felt so utterly helpless since her mother died.
Danny took a breath before he lifted his head, looking up at her as he took one of her curls between his fingers. “We go meet Sarah and Kyle at the bar, and we celebrate his promotion.”
“What?” Leah asked, her brow furrowed. “Danny, no.”
“We made plans, Leah.”
“Who cares?” she said desperately.
“I do!” he said, and then he closed his eyes, taking a breath as he reined himself in. “I do,” he said again, this time more calmly. “We can’t let this dictate the next two months. What are we gonna do, Leah? Sit here and mope? Wallow in it? I’m not gonna let this take any more time from me than it has to.”
Leah wet her lips and nodded. “Okay,” she said, dropping her eyes. “Okay. You’re right.”
Danny used his fingertips under her chin to lift her eyes back to his. “I don’t want this to influence everything we do now. It can’t be like that.”
She nodded again.
“I mean, I know it’s gonna be…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “We have to at least try.”
His eyes were imploring as he looked up at her, and she knew that if he needed to maintain a sense of normalcy, she would do it, no matter how difficult it was going to be. And in a way, she understood. He had no control over what was coming his way in two months, but he could control everything up until that point.
And maybe that’s how she needed to deal with it too.
“Okay,” she said softly, pressing her lips to his. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he whispered, brushing the hair away from her face.
She smiled down at him, trying to keep the sadness out of it, and he twisted one of her curls around his finger.
“It looks nice like this,” he murmured, watching the silken strand slip through his fingertips.
She brought her hand to his face, running her thumb over his cheek.
“Are you ready to go, or do you need another minute?” he asked.
“I’m ready,” she whispered.
He nodded, looking up at her. “Me and you tonight. Nothing else, okay?”
“Nothing else,” she repeated softly.
“Okay,” he said, lifting his chin and pressing his lips to hers, and she concentrated on the feel of his mouth. The way he tasted.
And nothing else.
Nothing else.
Paddy’s was a local bar that had been a favorite of Leah’s in the years right after she graduated college. There was a fun, younger crowd vibe, but without all the chaos that most college bars boasted. She hadn’t been there in a long time, but as soon as she and Danny walked through the doors, it felt like she’d never left.
Everything was the same, from the layout of the tables to the pictures on the walls to the music that was playing. It was comforting, and familiar, and exactly what she needed at that moment.
“Sarah says they’re like ten minutes away,” Leah said to Danny as she put her phone back in her purse. “Do you want to go grab us a table and I’ll get us drinks?”
“Yeah.”
“See the jukebox back there?” Leah said, and Danny lifted his chin, looking over the crowd. “There’s a little nook on the other side of it. The tables back there are usually open.”
“Alright,” he said, leaning down to kiss her temple before he turned and walked through the crowd.
Leah made her way to the bar, resting her elbows on top of it as she glanced around the familiar space.
“What can I get you, hon?”
She looked up just in time to see the bartender’s face light up with recognition.
“Leah! Sweetheart! How are ya?”
“I’m good, Sammy. You?”
“Oh you know, same old, same old,” he said, leaning on the bar in front of her. “God, it’s been a while. You look good, kiddo!”
Leah smiled. Sammy was the sweetest old man she’d ever met; he had been the bartender at Paddy’s for as long as she’d been going there, and he seemed to remember every face, every name, every story that crossed his path.
“Thank you. You’re looking pretty good yourself.”
“Bah,” he said, standing up and waving his hand at her. “Quit makin’ an old man blush.”
Leah laughed, and he smiled. “So what can I get ya?”
“Can I get a pitcher? Whatever you have on special is fine.”
“You got it, sweetheart.”
Just as Sammy turned away from her, Leah felt two arms wrap around her waist, and she leaned back into his embrace.
“No open tables?” she asked, turning her head to look up at him.
And then her heart stopped.
“Hey beautiful,” he said, rubbing his thumbs over her stomach through the fabric of her shirt.
After a stunned second she turned in his arms, using her hand on his chest to push him away. He took a step back, relinquishing his hold on her, but he smiled.
“You look incredible,” he said, and she shook her head.
“Scott, don’t—”
“We need to talk,” he said, his face growing serious.
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Fine. Don’t talk then. Just listen.”
“I don’t want to do this now,” she said, stepping to the side in an attempt to walk around him, but he picked up on it immediately, stepping forward and putting his hands on the bar on either side of her.
“You won’t do it anywhere else,” he said smoothly. “I’ve tried.”
She looked down at his arms, caging her in, and then she lifted her eyes to his, her expression steely.
“Just let me say this. She meant nothing to me, Leah,” he said, and she scoffed before rolling her eyes. “I mean, we worked together, and she was constantly flirting with me, and I just…I was under a lot of stress, and she was always there, right in front of me. I mean, shit, a man can only take so much temptation. I had to get it out of my system. But it didn’t mean anything. She didn’t mean anything.”
As Scott spoke, she stared over his shoulder, her expression disinterested as she searched the bar for any sign of her sister and Kyle.
“I know you’re mad because I didn’t come out after you, but I knew you needed some time to calm down—”
Leah whipped her head toward him, her expression incredulous as a tiny laugh escaped her lips. “So, what? You figured you’d just finish f*cking her while I cooled off?” She laughed outright then, shaking her head. “You know, for all the time you’ve had to plan this speech, you’d think it would be a little less pathetic.” She pushed his arm off the bar and took a step past him.
Scott stepped back and to the side in one swift movement, blocking her path. “I know you’re still upset—”
“Actually, I’m not. I’m over this whole thing. Which is why I want to be left alone,” she said, stepping to the other side.
This time he reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back in front of him.
“Take your hand off me,” she said, her voice low but firm.
She was not in the place to deal with this tonight; she had already been teetering on her breaking point before they’d even walked through the doors of the bar. She had nothing left for him.
He leaned in and cupped her face in his hand. “I can’t let you go. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I still want you, Leah. I still want us.”
She leaned back and his hand slipped from her face, but he tightened his hold on her wrist so that she couldn’t walk away.
“Scott, knock it off. You’re hurting me.”
“You don’t think I’m hurting?”
Leah closed her eyes and shook her head. She needed to change her approach. She needed to stop antagonizing him. If she had any hope of putting some distance between them, she was going to have to placate him.
“Look,” she said. “I don’t want to make a scene. Let’s not do this here. We can talk, but just not here, okay?”
His eyes searched hers before she felt his hand go slack on her wrist. “Okay,” he said. “Where, then?”
Leah slipped her wrist out of his hand, and before she could answer, she felt someone grip her other hand and pull her away. She glanced up just as Danny drew her against his side, his eyes trained on Scott.
“Is everything okay over here?” he asked, his eyes appraising her quickly before settling back on Scott.
“Hey, buddy, no one needs you to play the hero. We know each other, okay? This is none of your business.”
Scott reached for Leah’s arm, and Danny used his hold on her to pull her partially behind him, shifting his body in front of her.
“She is my business,” he said, his voice disconcertingly calm. “And if you put your hands on her again, we’re gonna have a problem.”
Scott looked at Danny, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smile, and Leah’s heart began thudding in her chest. She didn’t like the look on Scott’s face, and at that moment, she didn’t care how much she hated him, or that he didn’t deserve a chance to explain himself. Her only priority became separating the two of them.
Leah tugged gently on Danny’s hand. “We do know each other,” she said, and Danny looked down at her, his jaw relaxing slightly. “Please, just let me handle this.”
“Yeah, let her handle this.”
“Scott,” Leah barked, and Danny’s eyes widened before they flew back to him. As soon as Danny realized who he was, the muscle in the side of his jaw flickered, and Leah immediately brought her hand to his face, pulling his attention back to her. He looked down again, but this time his expression didn’t soften.
“I’ll take care of this, okay? And then we’ll leave. We’ll go somewhere else.”
Danny stared down at her, hesitating as his eyes searched hers. She knew he must have seen the panic there—that he attributed it to her being uncomfortable about talking to Scott, when in reality she was afraid of what would happen if she didn’t talk to him.
Leah forced a smile. “I’m fine. I’ll be okay. Let me handle it.”
Danny dropped his eyes, his jaw still flexing as he inhaled. “I’ll be right over there, okay?”
She nodded as she leaned in and kissed him quickly, and as Danny straightened, his eyes turned to Scott. He held his gaze for just a moment before he turned and walked the few feet to the end of the bar.
“So, I guess that’s your man?” Scott said, his brow quirked in amusement. “He’s a little overprotective, don’t you think?”
“Scott, listen to me,” Leah said gently, trying to appeal to the kindness she remembered in him, because even though she knew those three years were based on lies, she needed to believe there was something good in him somewhere, some part of him that might still care enough about her to do the right thing. “This is over, okay? Whatever your reasoning was for doing what you did, it’s never gonna be okay with me.”
He shook his head slightly. “You’re not looking past your anger. You’re not remembering what this was like,” he said, trailing the back of his finger down her arm.
She moved it out of his reach. “You don’t get it. It’s not about me being angry. It’s about me knowing that I don’t want to be with you.”
A flash of hurt registered behind his eyes at her words, but it was gone before she could react to it. “Is it because of this a*shole?” he asked, nodding over her shoulder.
Leah glanced over to see Danny leaned up against the bar, his arms folded over his chest as he watched them.
“We were over long before this,” she said, “but if you really want to know, then yes. I don’t want anyone but him.”
Scott stared at her for a moment, his eyes searching hers. “Kiss me,” he said suddenly.
“What?”
“Kiss me,” he repeated. “If you can honestly tell me you feel nothing after kissing me, then I’ll let this go.”
“I don’t need to kiss you to know that I feel nothing.”
His mouth lifted in a faint smile. “See? You’re scared,” he said. “You’re scared because you remember what it was like. How I made you feel. What I could do to your body. You remember. And you know that if you kiss me, you won’t be able to deny it,” he said, bringing his hand back to her face.
Leah took a step back, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Danny unfold his arms as he straightened.
Her heart leapt into her throat, and she knew she needed to end this immediately.
She reached up and removed his hand from her face. “Okay, that’s enough. Stop calling me, stop texting me, and stop sending me things. If you really care about me the way you say you do, then you’ll respect what I want. And it’s not you.”
And then everything seemed to happen at once.
She turned away from Scott and started walking toward Danny, but his eyes were focused behind her. He moved toward them suddenly, fury washing over his face just as Leah felt a hand grip the top of her arm and spin her around. Before she could get her bearings, Scott grabbed the back of her head and pulled her toward him, crashing his mouth to hers.
Her hands flew to his chest, pushing against him, but he had one arm wrapped tightly around her waist and his other hand clutching the back of her head, holding her mouth securely against his. Leah whimpered, and he took it as a sign of encouragement, forcing his tongue into her mouth.
And then his mouth was gone as she was yanked backward.
Her eyes focused just in time to see Scott with his arm cocked back, ready to swing at Danny.
“No!” she yelled. “Don’t!”
Scott swung, connecting with Danny’s chin. His head jerked back slightly with the force of the hit, and then he lunged forward, grabbing Scott by the throat.
“Danny!” she screamed. “Stop it!”
She hurtled forward, attempting to grab his arm, but he pulled it easily from her grasp as he swung at Scott, hitting him square in the mouth. She went to grab him again, but she was jerked back suddenly.
Instantly, a group of men converged on them, blocking them from her sight. Someone’s arm was wrapped firmly around her waist, but she didn’t fight against whoever it was. Instead she stood there, looking on with panic as the group of men undulated with the struggle before they finally broke apart.
Two of the men, who she could now see were bouncers, dragged a still-shouting Scott toward the back exit, his mouth covered in blood.
She turned just in time to see Danny’s back as he stormed through the front door of the bar and out onto the street, someone following closely behind him.
Leah attempted to follow him, but the arm around her waist pulled her back. “Are you out of your mind trying to get between those two?”
She turned around, finally acknowledging the person holding her, and she tried to remove the arm from around her waist as she made a move for the door again.
Sarah tightened her grip. “Hey,” she said calmly. “Let him cool off. He’s with Kyle. He’ll be fine. Just give him a minute.”
Leah turned to look at her sister, her shoulders sagging in acquiescence as she fell back on the barstool behind her.
Her eyes instantly welled with tears.
“What are you crying about?” Sarah said. “He’s not hurt.”
Leah turned her head and stared at the door as her chin began to quiver.
“It was just a few punches, Leah,” she said with a tiny laugh. “It’s not the end of the world.”
“I can’t believe this,” Leah mumbled, shaking her head.
“Oh, please don’t tell me you’re mad at him. You know Scott deserved that. In fact, he’s had that coming for a long time.”
She glanced at Sarah. Of course she didn’t understand. How could she?
“I’m just a little shaken up,” Leah said, and Sarah reached over and rubbed her shoulder.
“Alright, well, you can relax now. Kyle will come back and get us when he calms down. Here,” she said, handing her a beer. “Drink.”
Leah took a careful sip, struggling to swallow it.
“If you want the truth,” Sarah said, “I kind of wish they had let that go a few minutes longer. Scott could have used the lesson in humility.”
Leah sat there, staring at her beer as her stomach churned. Of course Sarah thought her reaction seemed excessive. She didn’t know that this was more than just some bar fight. She didn’t know what this could have meant for him.
Leah replayed the scene in her mind, recognizing all the places she should have handled the situation differently. She could have asked Sammy for help as soon as Scott wouldn’t let her leave. He would have tossed Scott out in a second if he was making her uncomfortable. She should have done everything in her power to diffuse the situation before Danny felt like he had to get involved.
Leah looked down and shook her head, because if she were being honest with herself, she should have handled the situation long before that. She should have dealt with him as soon as he started contacting her after their breakup, instead of taking the easy way out and ignoring him all this time. So in truth, she had brought this all on herself.
And consequently, she had brought this down on Danny.
The image of Danny swinging at Scott flashed in her mind, and her eyes welled with tears again. How could she have been so careless? She had put him in a situation where he felt like he needed to take action.
She had left him no choice.
And what would have happened if he’d gotten arrested tonight protecting her? How would that have looked to the judge trying to determine if he was a violent criminal?
Leah swiped under her eyes as she willed her heartbeat to return to normal, but it was in vain. Every second that passed caused the knot in her stomach to grow tighter. Where was he? What if Kyle wasn’t able to calm him down? What if Scott went after him again outside?
She took another sip of beer, and the taste made her feel like she was going to be sick. Leah pressed her fingers to her mouth and closed her eyes.
She felt Sarah nudge her with her elbow, and when Leah opened her eyes, Sarah nodded toward the front of the bar. Kyle stood in the doorway, gesturing for Leah to come outside, and she pushed off the stool so quickly that it crashed back against the bar as she made her way through the crowd.
As soon as she stepped outside, she looked around frantically. “Where is he?”
“He’s in the car. He’s okay now, but I’m thinking you guys should probably call it a night.”
She nodded quickly. “Okay. Thank you,” she said. “I’m sorry about your night—”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kyle said, cutting her off as he put his hand on her back. “You okay?”
Leah forced a tiny smile and nodded, and then she turned and kissed Sarah on the cheek, telling her she’d call her tomorrow.
As Sarah and Kyle went back into the bar, Leah turned and walked briskly through the parking lot toward Danny’s car. As she got closer, she slowed, nearly stopping; she could see the outline of him sitting in the driver’s seat, his hands gripping the wheel and his head down.
She pulled the door open and slid into the seat, closing it softly behind her, waiting for him to say something. To do something.
Nearly a minute passed, but he remained in the same position, unmoving and silent.
If he was angry with her, he had every right to be. She had been irresponsible, and because of it, he had to risk everything to defend her.
Leah kept her eyes trained on the dashboard as she chewed the inside of her lip. She wanted so desperately to talk to him, but she also knew that timing was everything. If he hadn’t fully cooled off yet, she didn’t want to say or do anything that would aggravate the situation.
After a minute she saw Danny close his eyes and shake his head ever so slightly. He dropped his hand from the wheel—the first real movement he’d made since Leah sat beside him—and he brought it to the ignition, starting the car.
The entire drive home was spent in silence. Danny kept his eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel, and although she stole several fleeting glances at him, he did not look at her once.
As they pulled into the empty space in front of Leah’s apartment, her eyes began to sting with the threat of tears. She wanted him to say something—anything—and when he didn’t, she dropped her eyes, nodding softly before she turned and exited the car.
As soon as she was outside, the tears she’d been fighting all night finally spilled over, and she picked up the pace, desperate to get inside the refuge of her apartment.
Leah pushed through the door and walked straight to the kitchen table, dropping her purse before she splayed her hands over the wood and bowed her head. And then she heard the front door close softly behind her, and her breath caught in her throat as she lifted her head.
She hadn’t expected him to follow.
Leah kept her back to him as she tried to pull herself together. There were a million things she wanted to say, but she didn’t know where to start, or where to draw the line for that matter. All she knew was that she wanted to make this better. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him.
“I’m so sorry, Leah,” he said suddenly, his hoarse whisper cutting through the stillness.
She turned around to see him standing in front of the door, his head down as he played with the keys in his hand.
“What are you sorry for?” she asked, her voice barely audible. “This is all my fault.”
His hand instantly stilled as he lifted his eyes to hers. “Your fault?” he asked. “You think this is your fault?”
She nodded her head imperceptibly, her eyes trained on him.
Danny dropped his eyes, his jaw muscle flexing rapidly.
“How is it your fault that he’s a disrespectful prick?” he asked, lifting his eyes to hers. “How is it your fault that he tried to intimidate you?”
Leah opened her mouth to answer, but Danny cut her off. “And how is it your fault that I was f*cking stupid enough to let him get a second chance at it?” he said, his voice rising in anger. “How is it your fault that I left you alone with him, even after I saw him corner you, after I saw him grab you? I left you alone with him, for what? So he could put his hands on you again? His f*cking mouth on you?”
He turned quickly, whipping his car keys across the room; they crashed up against the front door with a clatter, and Leah jumped, pressing her lips together.
“How is it your fault that I f*cked up? I f*cked up, Leah! I keep f*cking up! And you paid for it! Just like Bryan paid for it! Just like Gram’s paying for it, and Jake, and Tommy and everyone I give a shit about in this world is paying for it!”
He was yelling now, and Leah stood there, her eyes pooling with tears. Because they weren’t talking about Scott anymore.
And all at once, she realized what had happened tonight was so much bigger than him.
On some level Danny had been a powder keg for the last year of his life. That phone call today was the strike of a match.
And Scott had tossed it in.
Danny cursed under his breath, dropping his head back and covering his face. “It’s not your fault,” he said from behind his hands. “You didn’t deserve what happened tonight. I shouldn’t have left you with him. I f*cked up.”
“You were just doing what I asked,” she said, her voice trembling, and Danny’s hands fell from his face at the sound of it. “I put you in a position where you felt like you had to protect me. And that was so stupid of me, because I don’t want you to leave me for any longer than you have to—”
Her words cut off suddenly as she burst into tears, and she cupped her hand over her mouth.
Saying those words out loud had completely demolished her, because it wasn’t hypothetical anymore. It wasn’t something that might happen someday. That phone call made it real. The date was set. It was so close.
He was in front of her immediately, pulling her into his arms, and she covered her face with her hands as she sobbed into his chest.
“Please don’t cry,” he crooned softly, running his hand over the back of her hair. “I’m so sorry for yelling like that. I’m not mad at you. You know I’m not mad at you.”
Leah’s breath hitched as another sob fell from her lips, stifled by his shirt.
Danny pulled back and ducked down, bringing his eyes to her level as he removed her hands from her face and replaced them with his own. “Don’t cry, sweet girl,” he said, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I’m so sorry. For all of it. I just…I can’t stand the idea of anyone hurting you. It makes me crazy.”
His voice was dejected, cracked into a million pieces, and she hiccupped repeatedly, trying to calm down. Danny brushed his thumbs under her eyes, pressing his forehead to hers. “And I know that I’m the one hurting you now, and I don’t know how to fix it, and it’s killing me. Because I love you, Leah,” he said, brushing his lips over hers.
Everything stopped.
Her tears. Her breathing. Her heart.
Danny pulled back slightly, his hands still on her face as he met her eyes. “I love you,” he repeated softly.
Her heart came back alive in her chest, pumping wildly, every beat sending those magnificent words coursing through her body, repairing her from the inside out. And for that one moment, all the guilt and anxiety and fear and frustration vanished. The only thing that existed for her was the immeasurable connection she felt to him, fortified by his words—the intense satisfaction of knowing that the person she loved with her entire being loved her in return.
“I love you too,” she whispered, her breath hitching as the tears slipped over her lashes.
He closed his eyes and exhaled, and for a moment, his face relaxed, and everything was gone for him too.
Leah lifted her chin, closing the distance between their mouths, and Danny released her face, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist.
“So much,” she whispered in between kisses, and Leah felt his lips curve into a smile against hers.
She brought her arms up around his neck, and he tightened his hold on her, lifting her off the floor. Leah wrapped her legs around his hips, and he walked them back to her bedroom, their lips never breaking contact.
As soon as her back hit the bed, she arched up, pulling her sweater over her head, and when she tossed it across the room, she could see that Danny was already undoing the buckle of his belt. She sat up quickly, taking over the task so that he could remove his shirt, and once it was off, he slipped his fingers under the cups of her bra and pulled it up over her head, completely bypassing the clasp.
There was urgency in their movements, earnestness in their kisses, fueled by the phone call, the fight, their declarations. Within two minutes of entering the bedroom, their bodies were already joined, and they clung to each other, clutching and clawing and gasping and still needing more. It was like they couldn’t get close enough, and the desperation left them zealous and feral.
The unrelenting movement of Danny’s hips gradually pushed her across the bed so that by the time it was over, her head was hanging off the other side, and his hand was on the opposite wall, bracing them.
The intensity of it left them both gasping and shaking, and they held each other, kissing and whispering until their hearts finally slowed and their breathing evened out.
Eventually, Danny moved them to a more comfortable position, and Leah lay with her head on his chest and her leg thrown over his thigh as he gently pulled her hair through his fingers.
“I have a favor to ask you,” he said softly.
“Anything.”
Danny inhaled deeply. “I have to go to Brooklyn next week to meet with my lawyer, and I’m bringing Gram. He needs to interview her, but the thing is, he’s gotta go over some shit with me too, and I don’t want her in the room for that. She doesn’t need to know the specifics of things,” he said, running a hand over his eyes.
“Why does he want to talk to her?”
“He’s already spoken to her a few times, but they’re finalizing everything now. He’s trying to establish the relationship I had with Bryan. If the judge recognizes that this was about family, and not some college bar brawl, he might be more understanding.”
“So he wants to talk to her about your childhood?”
“Yeah. Our childhood, right up through when it happened.”
“Oh,” she said softly.
“The thing is, I’m not sure how long this meeting with me is gonna take now that…” He exhaled. “Now that the wheels are in motion. And I don’t want to leave her alone in the lobby while I’m in there. She gets really emotional every time we have to do this, and I just—”
“I’ll take care of her,” Leah promised softly. “We’ll go get a cup of tea somewhere. Have some girl time.”
“It’s on a weekday, though.”
“So I’ll take the day off.”
Danny brought his lips to the crown of her head. “Thank you,” he said before kissing her there. “And I just want you to know that…I won’t do that again,” he added softly.
“Do what again?” she asked, trailing her fingertips over his waist, and she felt his stomach muscles twitch in response.
“I won’t lose it like that again. Tonight was…” He shook his head. “It’s out of my system.”
Leah lifted her head, resting her chin on his chest as she looked at him. “No, it’s not,” she said softly. “And you can’t expect it to be.”
Danny blinked up at the ceiling.
“I know what you meant before,” she said, laying her head back down on his chest as she played with his fingers. “That you don’t want to live the next two months under a cloud of dread. And I agree. We should try to enjoy as much of it as we can. But there will be days when we can’t ignore it. And that’s okay, Danny. It’s okay to need a time-out.” She pressed her lips to his chest. “Tonight was just one of those nights.”
Danny slid his hands under her arms and pulled her up the front of his body so that she was lying on top of him. He reached up, scooping her hair back into a ponytail and holding it there with one hand as he brought the other to her face.
“You are incredible,” he said tenderly, running his thumb over her lips, and she kissed the pad of it. “You are beautiful, and smart, and thoughtful, and perfect, and I don’t deserve you.”
“Well, that’s too bad, because you’re stuck with me,” she said, and he smiled up at her, using his hand in her hair to pull her mouth down to his.
The sound of her phone beeping with a text message interrupted the silence, and Leah lifted her head, breaking their kiss.
“That’s probably Sarah checking up on us,” she said, leaning over the side of the bed and swiping her phone from the nightstand. She lay back down on him, and he kept his hands on her waist as she opened the text.
And then she gasped loudly, shooting straight up in bed, and Danny bolted upright beside her.
“What is it? What happened?”
“Alexis is in labor!” she squealed, dropping the phone and clapping her hands quickly like a child.
Danny exhaled in a rush, running his hand down his face. “Jesus, you just scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” she said, throwing herself forward and knocking him back onto the bed. She held her weight in her arms as she grinned down at him, and he laughed lightly, looking up at her.
“I’m gonna be an aunt!” she squeaked.
“You’re gonna be an aunt,” he repeated, tucking her hair behind her ear.
She sighed, lying down on his chest, and his hand came to her hair again, lazily running his fingers through it.
They lay there quietly for a while, and Leah listened to the rhythmic beating of Danny’s heart, letting it lull her into a state of serenity. Eventually the rise and fall of his chest evened out and became regular, and Leah assumed he had fallen asleep until his voice broke the silence.
“Do you ever think about having kids?”
Leah nuzzled his chest, relishing the gentle vibrations that rumbled through it as he spoke. “I do,” she said.
It was quiet for a beat before he said, “I remember being young, like twelve years old, and thinking about what a good dad I would be. I think it was because my dad was such a worthless bastard. Like, in a way, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do what he couldn’t.”
Leah lifted her head, resting her chin on his chest. “You’ll be an amazing dad,” she said gently.
He glanced down at her and smiled sadly. “I hope so. It’s just…I’m twenty-nine years old. And I’m about to lose some time. Maybe a lot. And I know men can have children whenever, but…women can’t.”
Suddenly, Leah remembered the night he met her family—the way he had looked at Christopher as he rubbed Alexis’s belly.
Leah lowered her head, pressing her lips against his chest as she spoke. “Even if it were five years,” she whispered hoarsely, “you’d be thirty-four. I’d be thirty-three. Women can still have children safely at thirty-three.”
The second the words left her mouth, she froze. Leah felt his chest stop moving, and she closed her eyes, turning away from him as she rested her cheek on his chest.
She couldn’t believe she had just said that.
They had only just said “I love you” for the first time, and already she was deducing that she would be the mother of his children.
“I didn’t mean…I wasn’t assuming…I was just trying to show you…” She fumbled over her words, eventually letting them trail off.
They both lay there, saying nothing, and although his hand still rested on her head, his fingers had stopped playing with her hair.
After what seemed like an interminable silence, Danny spoke, the low timbre of his voice penetrating the stillness.
“Leah?”
“Hmm?”
He trailed his hand over the side of her face, taking her chin in his hand and lifting it as he turned her toward him.
“I want them to be just like you.”
She stared at him, a slow smile spreading over her lips, and he lifted his head, bringing their mouths together.
And she wrapped her arms around him as they kissed, figuratively and literally embracing her future.