I don’t do it intentionally, but I realize that my thumb is idly stroking the scar on my inner thigh.
“Just the fact that you’re being so careful and asking so many questions proves to me that you’re going to be fine. And so is your money. I work with several brokers and managers. If you like, I can have Sylvia set up some meetings, get them into the office today if you want.”
“That would be great,” I say, then immediately take it back. “No. No, never mind.”
“All right,” he says slowly, but I can see the hurt in his eyes. “Whatever you want.”
“That’s the thing,” I say. “I already know who I want.” I take a deep breath. “Will you manage it for me? I can’t imagine there’s anyone I would trust more than you.”
There is no trace of the hurt left on his face. Instead, there is only something soft and tender. His smile is slow, and the shake of his head is even slower. “No,” he says, and I gasp in surprise. “That’s not what I do. But I do oversee my own managers with such microscopic interest that I imagine they consider me among their most irritating clients. Fortunately, the percentage they earn off the growth is sufficient to quell that irritation. I won’t manage your money, but I will babysit it. I’ll introduce you to my manager, we’ll get you set up, explain your goals, and then I’ll watch over your nest egg. Sound good?”
“Will you explain the investment choices to me?”
“I’ll explain anything you want. We’ll do this together, okay? And who knows. Maybe next you’ll be asking me to help with your start-up.”
“Don’t push,” I say. I’ve explained to him why I want to take it slow, though I think he is on Jamie’s side of the equation. Damien would simply jump in and do brilliantly. I want to wade in slowly and do brilliantly.
He holds a hand up as if in self-defense. “I’m not pushing. Why would I push you to go out on your own when I’d much rather get you set up as a division of Stark Applied Technology?”
I laugh. “Once I’m out there on my own and raking in the dollars, then you can buy me out for some obscene amount of money. But I’m starting on my own.”
“Fair enough,” he says. “I just want to see you actually start. I’m waiting, you know. I fully intend to license some of your software for use in my offices. The cross-platform note system you told me about could come in quite handy.”
“All the more reason not to jump in before I’m ready,” I say firmly. “I don’t want to let you down.”
“You could never let me down,” he says. He pulls me in for a quick, firm kiss. “And, Nikki? Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For trusting me to help you with the million.”
I nod slowly. Have I made this decision because a man I trust happens to be brilliant with money? Or am I following the pattern of last night, surrendering control to Damien instead of coping for myself?
He’s told me more than once that there is strength inside me. And though the words are a comfort, I’m not sure I believe them. I didn’t feel strong last night. And every time I think about the press going apeshit over my personal business, nausea crashes over me.
But Damien is looking at me with such tenderness that I say none of that. “I’ve trusted you with my heart,” I say, because that is an undeniable truth. “Why wouldn’t I trust you with my money?”
I speak the words lightly. His expression, however, is serious. “You do know that I trust you, too?”
“Of course,” I say.
“Just because it takes me time, doesn’t mean I trust you less.”