“I hope she didn’t trick you. I really hope giving up everything was worth it. You gave up the only home you had for this girl. Does she even realize it?”
She was right. The club had been my home for as long as I could remember. Mom’s house in Texas and now here had always only been the place where I’d gone to sleep.
So much had happened in the last few days that I hadn’t had time to realize I was homeless now. I’d never had my own place, always only a room in the clubhouse. I’d had club brothers or club girls to keep me company when I needed it. I’d become a Nomad but without a place to return to. Marcella and I… we didn’t have a place yet, and just thinking about moving in with a woman, my pulse picked up. How would it even work?
“I hope you don’t come to regret your decision, Maddox.”
“I won’t,” I said firmly. I’d never regret saving Marcella in the only way I’d known how. And killing Earl? I’d done him a service. He’d been spared a cruel death at Vitiello’s hands. Still, a tiny part of me felt a pang thinking of the good times we’d had.
Mom grabbed my forearm, her long nails digging in. “I worry for Gray. You uprooted him. He’s lost and you know how badly he needs people to look up to. He’ll get in trouble, I can feel it. He’ll look for another Tartarus chapter to join and get himself killed because they are going to go on a warpath with the Italians. Protect him. Bring him back here. Make sure he stays.”
“I’ll protect him. When I find him, I’ll drag him back here and make him finish school and find a decent job. He’s still young, he can choose a different path.”
“I’d always wished for a different path for you as well, but not with the mob. Oh Maddox, stay safe.”
“You know me. I can’t be killed.”
Mom became stern. “If something happens to Gray, I won’t forgive you. Don’t come back here without him, you hear me? This is on you. You took everything he had from him, now give him something else to live for.”
I swallowed, a heavy feeling of guilt settling in my chest. I had ripped Gray out of his home too, had taken his father, even if they’d only fought and barely gotten along. Gray hadn’t had a choice, unlike me. I wasn’t sure if I was the person he wanted to see. If he’d listen to me, much less come back home with me.
I looked over to the truck. “I should go now, I don’t want to bring trouble to your door.”
Mom gave me a look that made it clear it was too late for that. “Swear you’ll return with Gray,” she whispered harshly, her grip on me tightening even more.
I wasn’t sure if I could really promise it. Gray wasn’t a little kid anymore. Still, I said, “I swear.”
She finally released me. It was a promise I desperately hoped I could keep, for her sake, for Gray’s sake, but mostly for my sake. I didn’t need more guilty baggage added to my conscience, thanks a lot.
“Can you give me one of my old shirts before I leave?”
Mom disappeared inside without a word and I didn’t follow her. I had a feeling she didn’t want me inside her home right now. I wasn’t welcome and wouldn’t be until I found Gray, and even after that… we’d never been close but this was probably the nail in our relationship coffin. She returned with two black shirts and handed them to me.
After I’d put on one of my old shirts, I drove back toward the city but eventually pulled over on the side of the road and let the dogs out for a piss. My gaze caught on the Kawasaki on the back and I couldn’t resist. After I’d heaved it down, I drove up and down the road for a while, hoping it would clear my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about Gray. Mom always said he wouldn’t have survived what I had witnessed. He was softer than me, maybe that was why Mom had always preferred him to me. If I’d been in her stead, I’d have done it too.
The dogs waited beside the car, watching me. Eventually I pulled up beside them but stayed on the bike. I couldn’t explain why I suddenly felt hesitant to ride back into the city. I wanted to return to Marcella. I’d given up everything for her, and I wanted to be with her, but someone had ratted me out. I doubted it was Growl. He didn’t seem like the vindictive type and didn’t really have reason to do so unless Luca had ordered him to do it. Matteo had definitely wanted me gone. Maybe he had spread the information. Or Amo. The big guy definitely hated my guts and wanted to see me dead and far away from his sister.
Now every member of Tartarus in the country would know I’d killed Earl and they’d see me as a traitor. I’d be their main target. Finding Gray would be especially difficult like that. If I returned to Marcella to tell her I had to search for my brother Gray, whoever had ratted me out would very likely find out soon after and then spread that information, maybe even make it look as if I wanted Gray dead as well.
“Fuck,” I muttered. I needed to find my brother before someone could get it in his head that I was actually a danger to him, if it wasn’t already too late for that.
I perched on the bike and watched the sunset. Riding my Harley into the sunset had always meant freedom, even if MC life had been full of responsibilities and rules.
I decided to spend the night on the truck bed before I would make up my mind what to do next. I was dead tired and needed a night to really come to terms with the turn my life had taken.
When I woke on the truck bed early the next morning, my longing for Marcella was just as strong as the call of the street. The two loves of my life: the endless road ahead of me and the woman with the cold blue eyes. Mom’s parting words kept repeating in my head. “I don’t want to see you again until you’ve made sure your brother is safe. This is your fault.”
Finding Gray would be difficult. The majority of my old contacts would avoid me and those that didn’t might try to kill me. They had every reason not to trust me. But Mom was right. I needed to save Gray from himself. Not only was he probably still on the hit list of Vitiello but pissed off bikers out for revenge might be after him as well. If Gray got it in his head to attack Vitiello in revenge, I wouldn’t be able to save him.
I hoisted the Kawasaki back onto the back of the truck. I needed to get rid of it and the dogs, preferably without running into any of the Vitiello men. Once the dogs had taken their seats again, I headed toward New York. The male Rottweiler was panting constantly, probably from pain because of the gash, so I decided to take the dogs to a safe place first. During our research on the Famiglia and its many affiliations, we’d also come across the dog shelter run by Vitiello’s enforcer, Growl.
Vitiello probably wouldn’t be happy if I showed up on his mansion’s doorstep uninvited and I had no way to contact Marcella. We’d destroyed her phone when we’d kidnapped her and so far there hadn’t been time to ask for her number anyway. I didn’t even know what exactly to tell her that wouldn’t jeopardize my search for Gray.