“Have you worked out what your plans are yet? There’s only a week left of school.”
“I know,” I groan. “But not yet. I need to talk to Hawk and find out what his plans are. I have a pile of college brochures on my desk, but no idea how to narrow it down to one. I can’t even decide where I want to live, and besides, this isn’t a decision that I can make alone.”
“Well, you’ve still got several months before you need to be picking a college. I think as long as you work out where you’re going to live after next week, you can go from there.”
“That’s true. Hawk says Barton has mentioned more than once that we’re welcome to live with him.” I give her a look and she just laughs.
“Has he been making more of an effort recently?”
I nod my head, still unsure what to make of it all. “Yeah. Every day he texts, telling me something about himself. He hasn’t pried for any information, or asked any questions. I think he’s waiting for me to reciprocate.
“And you haven’t yet.”
“No. I don’t know what to say to him.”
“Do you want a relationship with him?”
“I don’t know…I mean, maybe.”
“I never knew my dad, so I don’t know what that’s like, but I have a great relationship with my mom, and I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life. If your dad is genuine about trying to be an actual father, I think you should give him a chance. You might regret it if you don’t.”
We part ways outside the girls' dorm, and I mull over what Emilia said as I continue on to the guys’ dorm. She might have a point. As a kid, I would have jumped at this opportunity, but life has made me cynical, and even though the little girl in me still wants that relationship with her dad, I’m not sure if I can handle the possibility that this is all a scam.
I let myself into the apartment, dropping my bag, and collapse into the chair. Pulling out my phone, I open the chat with Barton, looking at his message from today.
Barton: When I was in college, I had a motorcycle that I called Shirley. Every time I talked about her, everyone thought I was referencing a girlfriend. In hindsight, it was pretty embarrassing having to explain that I did, in fact, have an unhealthy relationship with an inanimate object.
I bark out a laugh, even as a small voice in my head tells me not to let my guard down. But, dammit, I want to. I really fucking want to. It might be incredibly stupid of me, but I want to believe he could one day grow to be a father I could turn to and rely on.
With my heart in my throat, I type out an unsure reply, sticking with his theme of sharing stuff about each other.
Hadley: I’m slowly working my way through every flavor of ice cream, and this week, my favorite is butterscotch.
The sound of the door opening has me looking up as Hawk strides in.
“Hey, how was your exam?”
I shrug. “Fine, yours?”
“Same.”
He moves to join me in the living room, and I chew on my bottom lip before blurting out, “What, uh, are your plans…for, like, the future?”
He gives a casual shrug. “I haven’t given much thought to it. If you’re asking what my plans are for after next week, when we’re kicked out of here, then, what are yours?”
I have to fight back the grin threatening to form at his words.
“I’m not sure. The others have talked about going to college, and I’m game to give it a try—assuming I get the grades to get in—but obviously it would be next fall before we could go.”
“Yeah, I think I want to go to college. Hard to say no to four years of keg parties and sleeping ‘til midday.”
I snort out a laugh.
He moves to sit beside me on the couch, nudging my shoulder. “Wherever you and the guys go, I’m going too. We always talked about going together, if we could convince our parents to give us those four years before going to work for them. I’m not about to let you all go off and have the college experience without me now.”
My lip lifts in a grin.
“As for right now, maybe we should stay here while we work out our next move. There’s still stuff that needs sorted, and Cam, West, and Mason all have houses that they need to decide what they’re doing with. Plus, it will give us a chance to spend some time together…and with Dad too, if that’s something you want.”
I nod my head thoughtfully. “Yeah, that works. I guess there’s no need to have everything planned out right now.”
“There’s some excitement in not knowing.”
***
“Can I ask you something?”
When I look up from the book I’m reading, I find West standing beside me, chewing on his bottom lip nervously.
“Uh, sure.”
He hesitates for a second longer, and I frown, trying to figure out what could be bothering him so much.
“I was, uh, wondering if you’d be able to help me with something.”
“Of course, what is it?” Setting my book on the coffee table, I stand, expecting him to lead me to whatever he needs help with, but instead he just continues to stand there, looking unsure.
He frowns and huffs out a small breath before blurting out, “I was hoping you’d be able to teach me a few things, self-defense moves or whatever, just in case shit goes down with your mom tomorrow.”
A weighted silence fills the space between us before he continues to ramble.
“I’m just sick of being the weak link among us. I wasn’t able to help when the mercenaries attacked us at Christmas, and I wasn’t of any use when we went to rescue you at the compound.”
I stare at him incredulously. “What are you talking about? I never would have gotten out of there if it wasn’t for you.”
He frowns, and I don’t like the way it scrunches up his face, or the way he’s talking about himself, as though he doesn’t have these amazing qualities that are so wonderfully him.
“West, you have such a unique set of abilities. I’m envious of your skill with computers. Anyone can learn how to fight and defend themselves, but it takes a certain way of thinking to do what you do.”
He still doesn’t look convinced. “I still feel ridiculous asking you for help.”
“Well, you shouldn’t. You didn’t think less of me when I asked you for help in computer class. Even though, I know my stupid questions drove you mad.” One side of my lip lifts in a smile. “But I am curious, why didn't you ask Mason or Hawk instead?”
“They’ve tried teaching me before, and, well, let’s just say it never ended well. Usually they’d get frustrated and storm off, or I’d get angry and snap at them.”
I give him a rueful smile. “Well, I’d love to teach you. Let me grab a couple of things and we can head out to the clearing. That way no one will interrupt us.”
“Sounds good, I’ll grab some flashlights for us.”
I dart down to my room, grabbing my boxing gloves and some tape, and a few other things that might come in handy, and as West and I reconvene in the living room, Cam appears.
“Where are you two off to?”
I glance at West, not wanting to tell Cam anything if he doesn’t want him to know, but instead of the uncomfortable look he sported when he asked me for help, he looks completely at ease.