At home that evening, Eileen called her parents’ landline number, and her father Pat picked up the phone. They talked for a few minutes about a minor political controversy that had been in the news that day, both with similar or even identical tones of disapproval. Please God it won’t be long before the next election, Pat said. Eileen told him she would keep her fingers crossed. He asked her how she was getting on at work and she said: Nothing to report. She was sitting on the bed in her room, one arm holding her phone to her ear, the other resting on her knees. I’ll put you on to your mother, he said. A rasping noise then, and what sounded like clicking, before Mary’s voice said into the receiver: Hello? Eileen gave a strained smile. Hello, she said. How are you? For a little while they talked about work. Mary told an anecdote involving a new member of staff at the school who had mixed up two female teachers who were both named Ms Walsh. That’s funny, Eileen said. After that they talked about the wedding, a dress Eileen had seen in a shop window, two different pairs of shoes Mary was deciding
between, and finally they moved on to the subjects of Lola’s behaviour, Mary’s responses to Lola’s behaviour, and the underlying attitudes revealed by Mary’s responses to Lola’s behaviour. When she loses her temper with you, you expect me to take your side, said Eileen. But when she loses her temper with me, you say it’s none of your business. Mary sighed loudly into the receiver. Okay, okay, she said, I’m a failure, I’ve let you both down, what more do you want me to say? Sternly, Eileen answered: No, I never said any of that. After a pause, Mary asked if she had any plans for the weekend. In a guarded tone of voice she said she was going to see Simon on Saturday night. Is he still with the new girlfriend? Mary asked. Eileen closed her eyes and said she didn’t know. You were very fond of him at one time, Mary said. Eileen said nothing for a few seconds. Weren’t you? Mary prompted. Eileen opened her eyes then. Yes, Mother, she answered. With a smile in her voice Mary went on: He’s a handsome boy alright. Although he must be well into his thirties now, is he? I’m sure Andrew and Geraldine wouldn’t mind seeing him settled. Eileen was rubbing her fingertip over a piece of embroidery on the quilt. Maybe he’ll marry me, she said. Mary gave a shocked hoot of laughter. Oh, you’re wicked, she said. And you know, the way you have him wrapped around your finger, I wouldn’t be surprised. Is that your new scheme? Eileen replied that it was not ‘a scheme’. Well, you’d be a lucky woman, said Mary. Eileen nodded her head in silence for a moment. And would he not be a lucky man? she asked then. Mary laughed again at that. Now Eileen, she said, you know I think the world of you. But I have to say that, because you’re my daughter. Eileen went on tracing over the rough stubbled lines of the embroidery with her index finger. If you have to say it, why have I literally never heard you say it before? she asked. Mary was no longer laughing.
Okay, pet, she said. I won’t keep you any longer. You have a nice evening now. I love you.
After hanging up the phone, Eileen opened a messaging app and selected Simon’s name. Their most recent exchange displayed on-screen, from the day before, and she scrolled back up to reread the messages in sequence.
Eileen: send me a photo of your room
The next message was a photograph of a hotel room interior, with a double bed taking up most of the floor space. On the bed was a purple duvet and a folded quilt in a different shade of purple.
Eileen: and now one with you in it......
Simon: Haha
Simon: ‘Senior political adviser caught sending explicit images from War of Independence commemoration ceremony’
Eileen: what did the IRA fight for if not our freedoms, Simon?
Simon: ‘It’s what the boys would have wanted,’ insists disgraced former aide Eileen: oh before I forget
Eileen: did you know Alice is in Paris this week ?
Simon: You’re not serious
Simon: Where did she fly from?
Eileen: didn’t say but it has to be Dublin
Simon: International woman of mystery
Eileen: oh god do NOT say that
Eileen: that’s exactly what she wants people to be saying Simon: No, I just hope she’s alright
Simon: If I’m back here early tonight I’ll give you a ring, ok?
After that Eileen had posted the thumbs-up emoji. No further messages had been exchanged. She exited the thread now and returned to the home screen of the messaging app. For a moment her finger hovered over the button to close the app, and then, instead, as if on impulse, she tapped Lola’s name. Lola’s most recent message, from earlier that day, displayed on-screen: Why not?? With her thumbs Eileen began typing out a reply.
Eileen: because he’s going to be there anyway
She hit send, and almost instantly an icon showed that Lola had ‘seen’ the message. The animated ellipsis appeared, and within a few seconds a reply arrived.
Lola: Oh my god
Lola: Speaking of serial killers
Lola: Please tell me it’s not Simon Costigan
Eileen settled herself back against the headboard, typing.
Eileen: wow
Eileen: all these years and you’re still mad that he likes me better than you Lola: Eileen
Lola: You’re not seriously going out with that freak are you Eileen: if I am it’s none of your business
Lola: You realise he goes to confession right
Lola: Like he literally tells his bad thoughts to a priest Eileen: ok
Eileen: firstly, I don’t think that’s really what happens at confession Lola: Money down he turns out to be sexually deviant Lola: He definitely fancied you when you were 15
Lola: And he was at least 20
Lola: Wonder if he told any priests about that Eileen: lmao
Eileen: in our entire lives, literally one man has ever liked me better than you Eileen: and you still can’t get over it
Lola: Alright kiddo
Lola: Just don’t come crying to me when you’re married and pregnant Lola: And some schoolgirls from your neighbourhood start to mysteriously go missing......
For a few seconds Eileen stared down at the screen of her phone, her head swaying absently from side to side, before she began typing again.
Eileen: do you know why you hate him Lola?
Eileen: it’s because he’s the only person who has ever taken my side against you Lola saw this message, but no ellipsis appeared, and no reply arrived. Eileen locked her phone and pushed it away from her, down the bed. Stretching her legs out, she opened up her laptop and started to draft an email to Alice. Twenty minutes later her phone buzzed again and she retrieved it.
Lola: Actual lol
Reading this message, Eileen took a deep breath in and then allowed her eyes to close.
Slowly the breath left her body and re-entered the room, the breath mingling now with the air of the room, moving through the air of the room and dispersing, droplets and microscopic aerosol particles diffusing through the air of the room and dropping slowly, slowly, toward the floor.