- FOUR -
My hands shook and a familiar smell permeated my nose as I pushed open the same doors I’d been through countless times since I was a kid. My dad was currently an officer, my uncle was an officer, and even my grandfather had been on the force. The 72nd precinct in Brooklyn would always feel like a small piece of home to me.
The place quieted down as I marched in and heads rose to double-check that they were seeing things correctly. Yeah, a*sholes it’s me.
“Parker?” I heard old Frank’s voice question from across the room.
“Yes, sir.” I nodded my head in his direction and continued toward the back, where I knew I would find the peeling, tiled stairs. All of the offices and interrogation, or “interview,” rooms were located upstairs. I smiled when I saw that the light bulb directly in front of the ladies’ restroom was still burned out. All these years and no one had thought to change that damn thing?
My shoulder hurt like a bitch and the pills I could hear rattling in my bag were calling my name, but they would have to wait. The taxi ride from JFK had taken about forty-five minutes and the entire time I battled with myself to not take anything before I saw her. I was pretty sure I smelled like I had been on an airplane all day, but I didn’t care. She was here. Kate was in the building and I was only moments away from her.
“No!” I suddenly heard a woman’s voice vehemently gasp from above where I was currently climbing up the stairwell. “We are not prisoners. We WILL NOT go into your little interrogation chamber, so you can all gawk at us through your stupid two-way mirror. Out here is fine, thank you,” she stated angrily.
My feet pushed forward up the last two steps and I rounded the corner into a packed hallway. Officers were leaning up against every wall; ones that I had worked with before and a few new ones as well. I tried to take in all the faces staring back at me, but I was only looking for one.
I heard a tiny intake of breath and then what sounded like a little boy whisper, “Superman!”
My eyes tried to peer through all of the bodies, but I couldn’t see where the pint-sized voice was coming from. There were too many people in such a close proximity. I decided to look for Charlie first. He would know where she was.
“That’s not Superman. That’s Daddy!” the sweetest little voice called out.
My body shot ramrod straight and all my attention was focused solely on that voice. My knees buckled and hit the ground with a loud thud, but now directly in my line of sight was the face of an angel. She barreled down the hall and through the crowd, running directly toward me.
Every time I played out this moment in my head, never did I imagine it happening like this. I watched her long, blonde hair trail behind her and heard her little pink shoes slap the tile loudly. Right before she launched her body at me, she came to an abrupt halt only inches in front of me. We both stared at one another. She looked at me with, curiosity, and I took in every single inch of her that had changed in the past four years. She was four now. Four years old. Four years that I had missed.
“You are my daddy, right?” she whispered for only me to hear, as if it were a secret between just the two of us. Her eyes were the deepest blue I had ever seen. Her hair was the exact same shade as mine, but somehow it looked better on her. Her skin had the light hint of tan…same as mine. Her nose sloped down and turned up just a fraction, identical to her mother’s. Her ears were the same shape as mine, only a much smaller and daintier version. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on, and I couldn’t believe she was already four years old.
I tried to speak but I couldn’t get anything to come out, so I just nodded my head like a dumbass. Her entire face lit up with joy that could only parallel mine and she threw her arms around my neck. I stubbornly pulled my arm from the sling and, despite the pain—which felt like absolutely nothing right then—I hugged my precious daughter with everything I had.
In that moment, everything I had done and everything I had been through had all been worth it. I knew that nothing could have ever filled the void in my life like she could. I also knew that I would always fight to the ends of the earth for this little girl in my arms right now.
“Kate.” The word bubbled up out of my throat and I began to sob into her tiny shoulder. “You know who I am?”
She pulled back just enough to flash her brilliant eyes at me and giggled, “Of course, silly. You’re my daddy.”
With tears coursing down my face for everyone to see, I squeezed her back to me tightly. “I feel like I’ve been waiting an eternity for you, Kit Kat.”
Her eyes popped open wide at the nickname and she pushed on my injured shoulder to take a look at me. I tried not to cringe, but it had been at least a good twenty hours since I’d last taken something for it. Instinctually, she lightly patted her hand over my wound. She couldn’t see the bandage under my shirt, but somehow she knew. Her touch was like a feather and maybe it was all in my head, but it really did lessen the stinging ache.
“You have an ouchie?” she asked innocently.
“It’ll be okay. See?” I tenderly pulled back the collar of my shirt. “I have this great big Band-aid making it all better.”
It was amazing to be able to just watch her expressions. I saw myself in so many of them, and I’d never realized what kind of feeling that would give my soul. She was this beautiful part of me—the very best part of me.
As she examined my bandage like a trained nurse, she slowly bent forward and kissed the covered area. My heart stopped beating for an entire handful of seconds. I would have thought I was having a heart attack, but there was nothing numb inside me at this moment. I was feeling every emotion and for once, I couldn’t have been happier about it.
“Kisses make ouchies better.” Her face lit up with pride.
“They certainly do,” I choked out.
I let my bag slip off of my opposite shoulder so I could stand while holding her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, but she was cautious of my injury.
I gently wrapped my fingers around her dainty wrist and flipped it over to see the confirmation I absolutely didn’t need. There on the inside of her left wrist was a tiny birthmark in the shape of a heart. I noticed it the second she had been all cleaned off after birth. It was such a perfect mark for a perfect little girl. I’d been searching four years for that heart-shaped mark.
“Bubba was right, you are like Superman,” Kate said while gazing directly into my eyes.
A look of confusion crossed my face as I tried to figure out what she had just said. “Who is bubba, little one?”
With one arm wrapped tightly around my neck, as if I would actually try and escape her, she swiveled around and faced the crowd surrounding us. I finally took in all of the faces that were staring at us. The crowd had lessened, but the ones who remained had all been watching our reunion very closely. Women were wiping their faces dry while the men were clearing their throats and avoiding my glassy eyes as they tried to give me at least the appearance of privacy.
“Braden is bubba!” she excitedly told me, pointing through the bodies at a little boy who appeared to be about the same age as Kate.
But it wasn’t Braden that stopped the blood flow throughout my body once again. It was the woman sitting next to him. She was the one person, besides Flores, who could stir up intense anger inside of me. The one person I had suspected of aiding my daughter’s kidnappers. Raegan Hayes.
RAEGAN -
We had been sitting in that dark and dingy police station for hours. Not that we had anywhere to go anyway. Braden and Kate’s bedtime had long since come and gone, even with the time difference. Where did they expect us to sleep tonight, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be here on the cold floor?
I knew he would be coming, but I just didn’t know when to expect him. I’d heard Officer Charlie talking with him on the phone while we were flying out to New York, even though he thought I was sleeping along with the others.
When Lane Parker’s huge body filled the door of the hallway we were all congregating in, my breath was stolen straight from my chest. Lane had always been every woman’s fantasy, but over these last four years he had become impossibly more beautiful. Even through his polo shirt, I could see the stretch of tight muscles and everything else on him looked incredibly hard. Four years ago, he was not built like that at all. He had been lean, but I wouldn’t have called him muscular. Now I could see that the gym had been his friend.
My eyes welled up with tears when he heard Kate’s sweet voice for the first time. His entire face zoned in on her, even if he couldn’t see her yet, and when his knees hit the ground we all felt it shake beneath us. I couldn’t have been happier for Kate right then, but the selfish side of me wondered what that meant for us.
No one in the station could look away from the heart-wrenching father-daughter reunion. Kate, in her true boisterous and outgoing nature, ran to the only man she’s ever known to be her father—even though she never really knew him. I couldn’t begin to keep track of the amount of times she had asked me when she could see him again over the last four years.
Braden, ever the silent, stoic protector, inched closer just a smidge so he could keep an eye on her at all times. Lane wouldn’t get very far with Kate, not without a small, male, four-year-old tagalong. Braden took a long look at him holding Kate and eyed me nervously, and I knew he was silently wondering if she was about to be taken away from us. I wiped the moisture from my face and averted my gaze from his inaudible questions because I didn’t know the answers. And I was too afraid to ask.
My legs ached from sitting all day. I’d sat on a plane for five hours and then came here and alternated between the floor and hard, wooden chairs. I couldn’t go on for much longer. If I had any money at all, I would have just told them we would be at a hotel, but now I wondered if I had any control over what Kate did. She was technically not mine; well at least they wouldn’t see it that way.
It seemed as though no one around here really knew the protocol for having missing persons return after four years. I guessed after a year or so they just assumed you wouldn’t be coming back. It made me wonder if anyone had actually been out there looking for us. I had always hoped they were out there at least trying. Then again, could I have really expected them to search for us for four years?
Every time I’d asked Officer Charlie what it was we were waiting on, he told me a different person each time. First, we were waiting on some Sergeant, and then it was an attorney. I had heard him speak of the Police Chief and finally he said a psychologist. It was obvious that he had no idea and was giving me the run-around.
“Braden is Bubba!” I heard Kate excitedly tell Mr. Parker, whose face had this unease and complete confusion on it. He looked straight to where her finger was pointing and took a second to glance at Braden, but his eyes didn’t linger. They quickly found mine, and though I had wondered how seeing each other again would go, never did I imagine the immense anger and even hatred I saw in his eyes.
The heat of his glare made me shrink back but only for a moment. I grabbed a hold of Braden’s hand and began to search the crowd for Officer Charlie. It was time to get things moving along so Kate, Braden, and I could get some rest.
I found him at the opposite end of the hall, talking to a man who wore a dark business suit and a scowl on his face. Another officer was trying to ease Charlie away from the conversation, but he wasn’t having any of it.
“Charlie Doyle, right?” The man in the suit eyed him and Officer Charlie nodded his head in frustration. “Doyle, I’m sorry, but this incident has crossed border lines. It’s not your case anymore. I’m sure you’ve done a fine job, but I’ll need all of the files and any evidence you have,” the disgruntled-looking gentleman requested.
“Oh, now you want to do your job? After I hand-deliver it all solved on your desk? You didn’t give two shits when I tried to get the FBI involved. Now you f*ckers want to step in? F*ck off, Agent Johnson,” Officer Charlie bit back.
I quickly jumped to cover Braden’s ears, but the look on his face told me that I shouldn’t even bother. He had heard it all. Officer Charlie spotted us standing behind him and he blanched at my glare.
“Shit!” he exclaimed. Then, realizing he had just cussed in front of a four-year-old again, he smacked himself in the mouth, creating a loud pop.
“Please, Officer, quit while you’re ahead,” I dryly told him.
“I’m sorry, Raegan,” he apologized sheepishly. I was just glad he was finally calling me by my first name and not ‘ma’am’ anymore. I was younger than him, for God’s sake. I watched as he squatted down to speak directly to Braden. “Hey sport, forgive me. I shouldn’t have said any of those words. I really don’t want your mama to kill me so do me a huge favor and don’t repeat them, okay?” Braden nodded his head with a small smirk at the corner of his mouth, but that was all he would be giving. “A man of few words. I like you, kid.”
When he stood back up, I couldn’t hold in the giant yawn that stretched across my entire face. It was less than attractive. “Officer Charlie, please. We’re all tired. It’s way too late for us to still be sitting around. We need to sleep.”
“I know, I’m sorry. This assho—” he started before quickly catching himself. “This man right here is trying to distract me from getting hotel accommodations. Excuse me while I ignore him and take care of you guys.” The gentleman behind him rolled his eyes and then followed Officer Charlie into a nearby room.
Braden tugged on my shirt and I looked down to meet his sweet gaze.
“Mama, I have to go potty.” Before he could complete his sentence, he began bouncing in an erratic manner. Boys! Why do they insist on waiting until the very last moment?
I shoved through the crowd with Braden holding my hand and found the ladies’ restroom at the end of the dark corridor. I directed him into a stall and then leaned over the counter so I could look closely in the mirror. I didn’t know how I’d forgotten about the surgical tape that stretched from my forehead down my temple and stopped just before my right ear.
It was the source of so much incredible pain for so long, but it was worth it. I’d endure it again and again to know I’d be here... instead of there. I wasn’t sure where we would be tomorrow, let alone a month from now, but at least we could finally have a life. Braden and Kate could go to school, meet friends, and live a life children should be allowed to live.
Thoughts of Kate brought a feeling of melancholy, and I just wanted to scoop her up and hide her away from everyone. My eyes were unfocused in the mirror as I stared at my blurry image. My thoughts were a million miles away, but I slowly faded back in. I soon realized Braden had been in there for a while. He was still new at using a stall so I knew he hadn’t locked it. Slowly, I pushed the metal door open and peered inside.
“Braden, sweetie...” I found him sitting fully clothed on top of the closed toilet lid, and his thoughts seemed to be a million miles away as well. My sweet introvert. He had been a worrier for as long as I could remember. “Did you use the potty, yet?” He nodded his head and I crouched down in front of him. “What’s going on, bub?”
“Will we ever see Kate?” he asked softly. My heart lurched and I scrambled to find the right words that could bring him even an ounce of comfort.
“Of course we’ll see her. They won’t be able to keep us away from her. Don’t you think Kate would be very sad if she didn’t see us?”
“I think she would cry.”
“I agree, and no one wants her to cry, right?” Hesitantly, he shook his head. “Look, I’m not going to lie. Things will be different. Kate has her family again, but now they’ll have to realize we’re her family too. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we still get to see her as much as possible.” And I would. If we had to follow the Parkers to the ends of the earth just so we could be in her life, we would. She and Braden were both my children. I would never be able to say that out loud, but in my heart it was true.
“Okay, let’s put that worry away and go find her. It’s time the three of us get in a nice comfy bed and sleep until next week!”
“Mama, we can’t sleep that long. Our bellies would be so hungry!” He giggled and I melted.
“Oh darn. I am really tired though, so maybe you guys could sleep in just a little bit tomorrow.” I winked at him.
“I’m tired. Kate’s tired too,” he stated confidently.
Braden hopped up on the sink so he could wash his hands. I looked in the mirror and ran my finger across my bandage one more time. When it grazed over a particularly sensitive area, I stopped and pressed a little harder. I pressed hard enough that it made me wince and I relished the feeling. The pain meant I wasn’t dreaming…that I wasn’t going to wake up soon and still be in that room. Still trapped.
I pressed harder and tears welled up in my eyes from the stinging, but I couldn’t seem to stop. I needed to know we were really here. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Braden watching me in the mirror and I immediately dropped my hand. With a smile, I reassured him that everything was okay and he gave me a tentative grin in return. This kid was too wise for his years.
We held hands and pushed the creaky white door open that would lead us back to our girl. The crowd of people was still a bit overwhelming, and for the hundredth time today I wondered why the hell everyone was assembling in the hallway. And didn’t these people have other jobs to do or families to go home to? I felt like a zoo animal being closely observed, and I’d had enough of that over these last four years.
I looked down at Braden, who was trying to peer between everyone’s legs. I heard words like FBI, kidnapping, Mexico, and hospitals being flung around, and I just wanted to shout for everyone to shut up—we were right here! At least have the decency to talk about us behind closed doors.
“Braden, sweetheart, do you see Kate or Mr. Parker anywhere?” He shook his head back and forth and I began to push through people, becoming a little panicky. I wasn’t comfortable with the three of us being separated. I tried to allow Mr. Parker his time alone with her, but now I didn’t like that I couldn’t see her.
Braced against one of the doorframes, I saw a gentleman who had helped us get some food earlier. “Excuse me, Officer...”
“Bradley,” he finished for me.
“Yes, Officer Bradley. Have you seen Kate? Or Mr. Parker?”
He looked a bit confused when he asked, “Mr. Parker? Oh! You mean Lane? That’s hilarious. Umm, no I haven’t seen him. He was carrying his little girl around, but maybe he took her home so she could get some sleep.” He stated it nonchalantly, as if taking the little girl who had become half of my world away from me without even telling me was no big deal.
My heart hammered painfully in my chest, and I pulled Braden down the hall faster. “Kate! Where is she?” I began to yell. I had no shame. Especially when it came to my children. “Kate!”