I spent weeks vacillating between the overwhelming amount of love I had for this man and the burning need to know what he was keeping from me. One day I was sure that whatever secret Asa was hiding didn’t matter because I wanted to be with him more than I wanted anything. The next I would be eaten alive with curiosity about what he was hiding, and I knew I would never be able to let it go. It was like being caught in the middle of an emotional tug-of-war between my head and my heart, and neither one was winning.
My mom kept telling me to get over him. Dom kept telling me to go after him and I had no idea what the right thing to do was. I was lonely and I missed him, but it wasn’t until Ayden called me today and told me that Asa had bought a house and that he never would have done that if it hadn’t been for me, that I really understood that I did love him enough to let him lie to me. Ayden also hinted that if I really thought about it, I could probably figure out why he was adamant that he keep this particular thing from me and that got me bogged down and long-repressed instincts churning back to life. When some of the pieces started to click into place, I had to evaluate whether I really wanted to know the truth or not. I loved him and I loved my mother, and I had a feeling prying into that particular Pandora’s box was going to change how I felt about one if not both of them forever. Plus, while Ayden wasn’t about to let the proverbial cat out of the bag, she had given me enough hints and clues on top of my suspicions to know that certain lines that were unforgivable no matter how much I loved either of them hadn’t been crossed. I knew whatever had happened between the two people I loved the most wasn’t pretty, and I was resigned to leave it at that if it meant I got to keep them both.
One secret wasn’t enough to give up a love that felt like it was going to come along only once in a lifetime. Ayden eased the remainder of my fears by reminding me that the only reason Asa was keeping something from me in the first place was because he was trying to protect me … just like he had done all those months ago when I was in a downward spiral and he stopped my fall. He wasn’t lying to me to hurt me; in fact it was the opposite of that. Even when he was being secretive and cryptic he was always there to catch me.
I had to trust him and I had to show him that I did; thus I was handcuffed and naked while he crawled all over me. I was supposed to be vulnerable and open to him, only I didn’t feel that way. I felt right. I felt like this was where I was supposed to be all along.
I knew he needed a grand gesture, something more than words to show him I needed him more than I needed the truth, and this was all I could come up with in a pinch. Besides, he’d had a thing for my handcuffs since the very beginning, so I called Dixie and asked her to text me when they were done for the night, parked around the corner, and then snuck into his place with a key Cora had snagged for me. There was something entirely exhilarating about stripping naked and binding your hands together in a symbolic gesture for a man like Asa. Handing myself over to him both body and soul should have been terrifying, but as soon as he opened his mouth and told me he had bought the house for me, I knew I had done the right thing. No secret was worth giving up a man that told you he needed you to be his home.
His heavy weight settled on top of me, and for the first time in two months I felt like I was grounded, not floating between what I was craving and common sense. This was where I needed to always be, with him, under him, inside of him. He made me feel real.
“How does it feel to be the one hooked up for a change?” He moved my arms from where they were looped around his neck and stretched them out as far as they would reach above my head. I drove the tips of my breasts into his chest and made every line of my body arch up into his. His eyes glowed hot enough to light up the entire room and his gaze made a warm flush work up under the surface of my skin.
“Under the circumstances not so bad.” I gave the unforgiving metal a little tug and felt the response in Asa where our lower bodies were pressed together.
“They look way better on you than they ever did on me.” The dry humor in his tone wasn’t lost on me as he bent his head and sealed his mouth over mine.
It had been far too long since we had shared a real kiss. Not one filled with good-bye or regret. I missed it almost as much as I had missed him. His tongue twisted with mine while his hands swept down my naked sides and slipped around to grab on to the curve of my backside. He ravaged my mouth with his own. He ate up my response and I hardly noticed that he was moving us to the edge of the bed. He lifted his head and kissed each of my eyelids, the tip of my nose, and then moved on to the tip of each of my breasts, which were ridged and practically begging him for attention.
I nearly bolted upright at the first flick of his tongue across one turgid nipple. It felt like my entire body was electrified everywhere he touched. I lifted my hand to thread it through his hair and stopped short when both my arms jerked up over my head, forcing my eager flesh even farther into his waiting mouth. He laughed when I grumbled in frustration and lifted my eyebrows at him as he climbed off the edge of the bed so that he was on his knees between my legs.
He smirked at me, lifted one of my legs, and rested it on his shoulder. I squirmed a little bit because his delicious intent was clear all over his handsome face.
“Asa …” I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to say to him, but apparently his name was enough to convey all the emotion that was churning around inside of me.
“I know, Red. Believe me, I know.” And then his head disappeared between my legs and all conscious thought ceased.