Ancillary Justice

“That’s not why I hate you.”

 

 

She ignored that. “Amaat’s grace, that fall… it was my own stupid fault, I was sure I was dead, and if it had been the other way around I’d never have jumped to save anyone’s life. You never knelt to get anywhere. You are where you are because you’re fucking capable, and willing to risk everything to do right, and I’ll never be half what you are even if I tried my whole life, and I was walking around thinking I was better than you, even half dead and no use to anyone, because my family is old, because I was born better.”

 

“That,” I said, “is why I hate you.”

 

She laughed, as though I’d said something moderately witty. “If that’s what you’re willing to do for someone you hate, what would you do for someone you loved?”

 

I found I was incapable of answering. Fortunately the doctor came in, broad, round-faced, pale. Frowning slightly, slightly more when she saw me. “It seems,” she said, in an even tone that seemed impartial but implied disapproval, “that I don’t understand your friend when he tries to explain what happened.”

 

I looked at Seivarden, who made a helpless gesture and said, “I don’t understand any of it. I tried my best and the whole day she’s been giving me that look, like I’m biological waste she stepped in.”

 

“It’s probably just her normal expression.” I turned my head back to the doctor. “We fell off the bridge,” I explained.

 

The doctor’s expression didn’t change. “Both of you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

A moment of impassive silence, and then, “It does not pay to be dishonest with your doctor.” And then when I didn’t answer, “You would not be the first tourist to enter a restricted area and be injured. You are, however, the first to claim they’d fallen off the bridge and lived. I don’t know whether to admire the brazenness, or be angry you take me for such a fool.”

 

Still I said nothing. No story I could invent would account for my injuries in the way the truth did.

 

“Members of military forces must register on arrival in the system,” the doctor continued.

 

“I remember hearing so.”

 

“Did you register?”

 

“No, because I am not a member of any military force.” Not quite a lie. I was not a member, I was a piece of equipment. A lone, useless fragment of equipment at that.

 

“This facility is not equipped,” the doctor said, just a shade more sternly than the moment before, “to deal with the sort of implants and augmentations you apparently have. I can’t predict the results of the repairs I’ve programmed. You should see a doctor when you return home. To the Gerentate.” That last sounded just slightly skeptical, the barest indication of the doctor’s disbelief.

 

“I intend to go straight home once I leave here,” I said, but I wondered if the doctor had reported us as possible spies. I thought not—if she had, likely she would have avoided expressing any sort of suspicion, merely waited for authorities to deal with us. She had not, then. Why not?

 

A possible answer stuck her head into the room and called cheerily, “Breq! You’re awake! Uncle’s on the level just above. What happened? Your friend seemed like he was saying you jumped off the bridge but that’s impossible. Do you feel better?” The girl came fully into the room. “Hello, Doctor, is Breq going to be all right?”

 

“Breq will be fine. The correctives should drop off by tomorrow. Unless something goes wrong.” And with that cheerful observation she turned and left the room.

 

The girl sat on the edge of my bed. “Your friend is a terrible Tiktik player, I’m glad I didn’t teach him the gambling part or he wouldn’t have had any money to pay the doctor with. And it’s your money, isn’t it? From the flier.”

 

Seivarden frowned. “What? What is she saying?”

 

I resolved to check the contents of my pack as soon as I could. “He’d have won it back playing counters.”

 

From the look on her face, the girl didn’t believe that at all. “You really shouldn’t go under the bridge, you know. I know someone who had a friend whose cousin went under the bridge and someone dropped a piece of bread off, and it was going so fast it hit them in the head and broke their skull open and went into their brain and killed them.”

 

“I enjoyed your cousin’s singing very much.” I didn’t want to reopen the discussion about what had happened.

 

“Isn’t she wonderful? Oh!” She turned her head, as though she’d heard something. “I have to go. I’ll visit you again!”

 

“I’d appreciate that,” I said, and she was out the door and away. I looked at Seivarden. “How much did this cost?”

 

“About what I got for the flier,” she said, ducking her head slightly, maybe out of embarrassment. Maybe something else.

 

“Did you take anything out of my pack?”

 

That brought her head up again. “No! I swear I didn’t.” I didn’t answer. “You don’t believe me. I don’t blame you. You can check, as soon as your hands are free.”

 

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