CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THE ELF EMPIRE
Half of the Happily Ever After Assembly armies are in hiding while the other half stand guard over their kingdoms,” Alex explained to the Troblin Army. “Once we’ve recruited the Elf Army, all the armies in hiding, as well as the ones left guarding the kingdoms, will unite and charge the Grande Armée together. Wait for my signal, and then join us in the Fairy Kingdom. Any questions?”
The Troblin Army consisted of a little more than eight hundred out-of-shape trolls and goblins, many of whom had recently joined, just out of boredom. They were seated in front of Alex in a wooden amphitheater that looked like a doughnut floating in the Great Troblin Lake.
Only one troll raised his hand with a question regarding Alex’s explanation.
“Yes, you with the bone through your nose,” Conner called on him. “What’s your question?”
“If we join the armies of the Happily Ever After Assembly, what’s in it for us?” the troll asked.
The troblin soldiers started exchanging whispers with one another. Alex hadn’t mentioned anything they would get in return for helping them.
“What do you want?” Conner asked. “We could hook you up with some sheep or maybe some solid ground?”
“We want our freedom back!” a goblin in the back row yelled.
“Yeah! We want the right to leave our kingdom!” a troll in the front growled.
The entire Troblin Army agreed. “Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!” they chanted.
“Silence, troblins!” Queen Trollbella demanded. The amphitheater went quiet. “I am insulted you want to leave the water world I have built for you! Especially since we just recently gained our sea legs!”
A goblin in the center of the amphitheater leaned forward and vomited all over the troll sitting in front of him.
“Well, most of us have gained our sea legs,” Trollbella corrected herself.
Conner rolled his eyes at their request for freedom. “You were put here because you wouldn’t stop enslaving people! My sister and I were enslaved not once but twice by you! Do you really expect us to grant you your freedom?”
Trollbella crossed her arms. “I’ll never understand why humans take being enslaved so personally,” she said. “What if my troblins promise to never enslave anyone again? Will you reconsider, Butterboy?”
Conner looked over at Alex. They didn’t really have a choice—they needed the troblins.
“I guess,” Conner said.
Queen Trollbella happily clapped her hands. “We’ll give you a sacred troblin pinkie swear,” she said. “Everyone raise your right hand, if you have one, and point your pinkie to the sky. Repeat after me: I, Queen Trollbella—”
“I, Queen Trollbella,” the Troblin Army repeated.
“No, troblins, you’re supposed to say your own name,” she said, and they quickly made the correction. “I promise to never kidnap, imprison, enslave, or forcefully borrow any human without their permission for as long as I live.”
The troblins reluctantly repeated after her, word for word.
“Wonderful,” Trollbella said. “Good job, troblins, you may rest your pinkies. Is that good enough for you, Butterboy and fairy girl?”
The twins sighed. “It’ll have to do,” Alex said.
A goblin in the front raised his hand.
“Yes, you with the missing ear,” Conner called on him.
“What will the signal be?” the goblin asked.
Everyone turned to Alex and waited for the answer, including Conner.
“Um… um… I’m not sure yet,” Alex said. “But don’t worry; you’ll know it when you see it.”
Trollbella raised an eyebrow at her. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a little too confident?” she said.
By the time the Troblin Army was up to date on Alex’s strategy the sun had set. Trollbella insisted they stay the night, and Alex and Conner were given a private area on the troll queen’s floating fort to sleep on—which consisted of the wooden floor and a blanket. Alex was worried if she made beds appear with her wand it would tip the whole fort over.
Besides the water rocking them and Trollbella spying on them every ten minutes, the twins had a difficult time sleeping because of all their worries.
“Conner, are you awake?” Alex whispered to her brother.
“Do you really have to ask?” he said. “What’s on your mind?”
“I was just thinking about the Elf Empire,” she said. “If the trolls wanted something in return for their help, I’m afraid the elves may ask for something in exchange, too.”
“They’ll probably just want a bunch of shoes,” Conner said. “Aren’t elves obsessed with shoes?”
“Gosh, I hope it’s that easy,” Alex said. “I’ll have to think of something the empress wants so desperately she would be willing to give up her army for it.”
“Good thing you’re the next Fairy Godmother,” Conner said. “It gives you a lot to work with.”
The next morning the twins woke up with very sore backs from sleeping on the wooden floor. They said good-bye to Trollbella and climbed aboard Lester. He spread his wings and took off from the water and soared into the sky.
They flew northwest through the clouds toward the Elf Empire. The twins were reminded of their voyage on the Granny from up here. The world looked so peaceful and safe from above the clouds. They hoped that after meeting with the elves they would be one step closer to making the world below the clouds just as peaceful. After a few hours of flying, they arrived in the northwestern-most kingdom.
“Look, Conner!” Alex exclaimed. “There it is! That’s the Elf Empire!”
“Whoa,” Conner said. “Elves really do live in trees.”
The entire empire was inside an enormous tree the size of a mountain. As the twins flew closer, they saw hundreds of homes built throughout the branches. Some were built on the tree like tree houses, some homes swung from the branches like birdhouses, and some were even built into the tree like squirrel nests.
The leaves were the size of the twins’ bodies. It was as if they had shrunk and entered a miniature world. Lester carefully landed on a strong branch and the twins climbed off him. They walked along the branch, which was like a street, to all the different homes and toward the center of the tree where they figured the empress must live.
“I really hope this giant tree doesn’t come with any giant bugs or birds,” Conner said, and quivered at the idea.
“Squaaa!” Lester squawked, offended by the remark.
“Not you, Lester, I’m talking about giant crows or spiders,” Conner said. “I don’t want to become something’s lunch.”
Lester suddenly looked terrified of the tree. He waddled much closer to the twins for protection.
“I don’t think we need to worry about that,” Alex said. “Look around, there’s nothing here.”
The twins searched the branches below, above, and ahead, but didn’t find anyone or anything. Every tree-home was vacant.
“They must have heard about the Grande Armée and left,” Conner said.
Defeated, Alex took a seat on one of the smaller branches. “But where did they go?” she asked. “How are we supposed to find them?”
Conner looked around the tree while he thought on it. “Well, a whole empire couldn’t have just uprooted and gone too far without someone noticing—” He froze. Before he could finish his thought, another one had interrupted.
“What is it?” Alex asked.
“Do you remember that time last year when you found me in the school library reading fairy tales?” Conner asked her.
“Maybe, why?”
“You said reading fairy tales was returning to our roots,” Conner said. “Then you went on to tell me that certain species of birds and insects hide in their tree’s roots when their home is being threatened. What if elves are one of those species?”
Alex got to her feet and started jumping up and down. “Conner, you’re a genius!” Alex said. “I bet the elves never left! I bet if we fly to the bottom of the tree, we’ll find the elves hiding!”
Conner started jumping up and down with his sister—he never missed an opportunity to celebrate his own cleverness. “I’m so glad I remembered that,” he said happily. “Because I gotta tell you, most of the stuff you say to me goes in one ear and out the—AAAAH!”
CRACK! The twins had been jumping on a weak part of the branch and fell straight through it. To their surprise, the tree branch was hollow and they landed on a long wooden slide. The slide traveled through the branch and coiled down the giant tree trunk. The twins screamed and tried to grab ahold of anything they could but the slide was too slick, so they slid deeper and deeper into the bottom of the tree.
The slide finally ended and Alex and Conner piled on top of each other on the ground. The giant tree trunk was hollow and they found themselves in a secret chamber at the tree’s base. Alex and Conner looked up and could see the slide was one of many that spiraled upward into the different branches of the tree. They had fallen into an escape route.
The twins were also startled to see that they were no longer alone. Thousands and thousands of elves were hiding at the bottom of the tree just like they had predicted and they were just as surprised to see them.
They were all short but very thin. Everything about them was pointed: They had pointed ears, pointed jaws, pointed shoes, and some even wore pointed cone hats. Their clothing was black and white and asymmetrical. They wore vests that buttoned sideways; their pant legs and sleeves were different lengths.
“What’s up with their clothes?” Conner whispered to his sister.
“Don’t you remember the story ‘The Shoemaker and the Elves’?” Alex whispered back. “Elves are horrible at making their own clothes.”