I never said I wanted to get married, just that I hated I wouldn’t be able to give my father what he always wanted.
Oliver didn’t hesitate. He asked me, and I thought . . . I thought it was the right thing. I looked at all the possibilities, and I was . . . stupid. I’m so stupid.
“I’m just sharing how I feel with you. I don’t think this is right. We need more time. We can push the wedding back.”
I shake my head, unable to process this. He can’t do this to me. Not now. Not when my dad is dying and he says this is all he has. What the hell am I going to do now? This is a fucking nightmare. I can’t do this. My heart is racing and I am freaking out.
“We don’t have time, Oliver.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s dying. He doesn’t have months or years. We have to do this now. We can’t back out. You have to marry me.”
Oliver sighs. “So, are you upset that I’m not ready to marry you now or that you won’t be able to make your dad happy?”
I pause, and my gut clenches because this was his idea and my father is literally dying. This is all he wants and now he’s taking that away. “I’m upset because you decided to say this now! Two weeks before the wedding—over the fucking phone! You can’t do this.” I calm myself, working through the way to deal with this. “Just come here, okay? Just get here like you were supposed to, and we’ll work it out. You and I . . . we care about each other, and this is important. You just have cold feet.”
“I wish this were a case of cold feet.”
“It is. Just grab socks and come to North Carolina so we can warm them. Please, Oliver, don’t do this.” The pleading in my voice is sad, even to me.
Devney gasps, her hands over her lips. “No!”
I nod as tears fall down my cheeks.
“You don’t love me, Maren.”
“I . . . I will. I know I will. I already feel it. I know that this is right. I’m begging you, just come here so we can figure it out together.”
“You can’t even say you love me. How is that not a concern for you? It’s just been too short a time. We haven’t even met each other’s family or friends. It’s like we live in this bubble, and now we’re going to get married? It doesn’t feel weird to you?”
“You can’t do this to me. Not now. Daddy was sent home on hospice, and . . . I can’t tell him that you’re backing out. I can’t.” The last word comes out as a sob.
I just . . . I want to give my daddy what he wants.
Jesus. He’s right.
He clears his throat. “I don’t want to marry you now. Maybe in a few years, but . . .”
“But not now,” I finish.
“No. Not now.”
I nod once. “I wish you would’ve told me this weeks ago.”
“I wanted my feelings to change. I thought they would.”
“I don’t know what to say at this point,” I confess.
Devney takes my hand in hers. My friend, here to help collect the pieces.
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Maren. I really didn’t. I do have feelings for you, but we’re doing this for the wrong reasons, and I think you know it too.”
The saddest part is that I do know that, even if I don’t want to actively admit it. My heart is more torn up over my father being disappointed than about what Oliver is telling me.
I don’t know how I’m going to break his heart.
“So, I guess I’m supposed to go there now and cancel everything? I’m just supposed to be the one to pick up all the pieces you’ve broken?”
“I’ve already told my family, and they agree that we rushed into this.”
“Fuck you, Oliver. You told your family before you told me. You talk about not wanting to hurt me, but you do this over the phone. You say you care about me, but you clearly don’t or you wouldn’t have waited this long. Then you tell me that maybe it will happen in a few years? Are you kidding me? I can never forgive you for this.”
At least he doesn’t sound happy about it. “Breaking your heart isn’t easy.”
“It sure seems easy to me. And don’t worry, my heart isn’t broken, it’ll be my father’s.”
“And that’s the answer, Mare. You’re not even sad about calling off the wedding. If that doesn’t tell you something . . .”
“I don’t have anything left to say to you.”
“I wish things were different. I wish you were devastated over this ending, but neither of us are, are we?”
“No, I guess not.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I hope you spend this weekend with your family and you and your father have some time together. I think that’s what you need most.”
I huff, not really caring what he thinks anymore. “Goodbye, Oliver.”
I hang up the phone and look at Devney. She leans over the center console and pulls me into a hug. “It’ll be okay, honey. I’ll help you handle everything. We’ll figure it out.”
I shake my head, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I can’t believe this.”
“I can’t either. Are you okay?”
I huff and rub my temples. “No. I don’t know. He’s partially right. I don’t love him, not the way that you love Sean. Not in the way that should have me wailing and sobbing because he called off the wedding. Instead, I’m so mad and hurt because it’s going to hurt others, most of all my dad.”
She rubs my arm. “I’m sorry. I hate this for you. I know that it would have meant a lot for you to give your dad that memory. You may not realize it yet, Mare, but you wanted that too.”
I look out the window and breathe through my nose. “I do. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle too. I wanted to have that memory to hold on to.” I wipe away the tear that falls. I was so focused on giving it to my dad that I failed to see I wanted it for myself too. “What the hell do I do now?” I ask, turning back to her. “I have family and friends flying in. I mean . . . I’m going to look ridiculous—more so than when I told them I was marrying a guy none of them had actually met.”
“Well, I did think you were a bit crazy when you told me,” Devney says with a laugh. “But if you were happy, who was I to say something. I’m totally supportive.”
My head falls back against the headrest. “You kind of are, and I love you for it. Switch seats with me. I need to drive.”
“Okay . . . why?”
“I think best when I’m driving. My mind works better in motion.”
We swap seats, and I pull away from the shoulder of the road. We have about ten more minutes before we reach the resort. I have exactly that much time to decide if I want to call everyone and tell them the wedding is canceled or if I let them all come and force them into a weekend gathering. We can make it a last party for my dad. Linda will lose her mind, but who cares about her? My mind goes in circles as the possibilities cause different outcomes.
“Are you going to tell your dad now?”
“No. If I do, they won’t come and then I may not get to see him before he . . .”
“Right, because Linda doesn’t let anyone at the house. What about the rest of your family?”