He grins. “Always look your best. Are you . . . all . . .” He struggles to speak. “Ready for your big . . . day? I can’t wait. And Linda is excited too.”
That last part is a lie. My father, the most loving and caring man I’ve ever known, is married to a vile human who I call Satan’s sister. Linda is, well, the worst. She’s a bitch who believes that nothing other than her feelings matter. Not that he was married before, has siblings, a daughter. No, none of that is relevant in her mind.
I loathe her, but she’s the gatekeeper to my dad, so I pay the fees, which means I have to be nice to her when she gets on the phone and then poke a voodoo doll after the call.
“I can’t wait to see you.” I leave off the other person intentionally.
“Same.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, sensing a hesitation in him.
Daddy sighs, which sends him into a coughing fit. After a few seconds, he gets it under control and he clears his throat. “Today we got some news.”
“Oh?” I sit up straighter, pulling my chair in closer to my desk.
“The doctors said there’s not much more we can do.”
My throat goes dry, but I push the words out. “I don’t understand. I thought the treatment was working.”
“I wish that were the case, Princess, but it’s not.”
My mind immediately starts to go through scenarios and options. “Then we find another doctor. We can . . . we can go to that specialist in New York who is having a lot of success with a new combination of chemo.”
“Maren . . .”
I shake my head, not wanting to listen to whatever he’s going to say. “I read about it online and it seems promising. Or maybe you just take a break for a month or so . . .”
“Maren, stop. It’s been years and years of fighting, and I’m tired.”
I know he is. God, I know he’s exhausted and has been at this for longer than I ever would’ve been, but I’m selfish and want my father. I need my daddy, but right now, my daddy needs me not to fall apart.
So, I stay silent, not trusting my voice.
“I’m just so tired, and when the treatment was working, it was worth it, you know?”
I nod.
“I wish it weren’t the case, but it’s time. It’s time to let go and live out the rest of my time.”
I want to wail, to scream at him to keep fighting, but I won’t do that to him. I can see the pain and fear in his eyes. “I hate this,” I say.
“Me too. The doctors say it won’t be long, and I meet with the hospice team tomorrow.”
That is a word I hoped never to hear. It was a silly hope, one that I was aware would never be fulfilled, but still, a girl can dream.
I had dreams of him being a grandpa and loving my kids, taking them horseback riding or teaching them how to build things. I wanted that for him as much as for myself. Now, that time won’t ever come to pass.
Whatever time he does have left, I want to spend as much of it with him as I can. “Why don’t we cancel the wedding, Daddy? Oliver and I can come down to Georgia and be with you.”
My father’s face turns red. “Absolutely not.”
“Why?”
“Because . . . you will not give up your wedding because of this.”
“It’s fine, Daddy. We can wait.”
“No, it’s not. You have no idea what this means to me. To be there, at your wedding. To know that you’ll be loved and that you found the man you want to spend your life with.”
I do know. He told me that exact thing a few months ago. I cried so hard that night, knowing that I might never give him that peace.
Thankfully, Oliver understood, and he proposed a week after that call.
“But you’re sick and you need to be home where you can rest.”
“What I need is not to stay in bed. I am sick, and that won’t change. But this is what I need. To be able to give you away to the man you love, well, it’s what every parent hopes for. To know their child is . . .” He gasps and then swallows. “I want a happy memory for us, Maren. Don’t take that from me. Don’t let cancer be the reason I don’t get to see my only child marry the man she loves. I want to be there for you. To see you start your lives together.”
My chest aches. “I don’t want to make this worse for you.”
“The only thing that would make it worse is . . . if you . . .” He struggles for breath. “Cancel it.”
I lean back in my chair and look out my office window, feeling dejected and sad. “If you say so.”
“I do. Now, do you have everything ready?” He chokes out the words before gasping.
Even now, while he can barely speak, he’s worried about me. I’ve always known he is wonderful and I’m lucky, but it’s never been quite so obvious before. He wants this for himself, yes, but I also think it’s for me. So I can look back and know my father was at my wedding. I’ve already lost my mom, and . . . well, he would always talk about my wedding.
I will make this wedding perfect for everyone. He’ll get to be there, and I’ll get to give him a memory that will allow him to rest.
I force a smile onto my lips and give him whatever joy I can. “Almost. I did find my perfect dress.”
He laughs. “Most important . . . part.”
“Well, and the father of the bride, right?”
Dad’s eyes brighten. “You’re the important one.”
“I think you’re pretty high up there.”
The bright green eyes that mirror mine are pooling with tears as his lower lip trembles. “I’m so happy, Maren. I have prayed for this.”
My heart falls to my stomach. I don’t know how I’m going to watch him die. How do I make it through my wedding, knowing that we may not have the chance to make any more memories? I can’t. I can’t lose him.
“Dad . . .” I start, but he lifts his hand, coughing hard.
“I’m okay,” he says after a few seconds of what sounds like excruciating chest heaving. “Just a little setback.”
Those four words have been his constant saying. No matter what life threw at him, it wasn’t more than just a little setback. He would fight. He persevered and tried to look at the obstacles as just that—things to overcome.
Now, there’s nothing he can do but let his body fade away.
And pray to see the things he wants.
“Your setback sounds bad.”
He scoffs. “You don’t worry . . . about me.”
“I always worry about you.”
My father wipes away a tear. “You are giving me everything. Everything,” his voice cracks at the end. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Okay.”
My heart crumbles and so does my resolve. Tears break free and I cry at my desk because I’m about to lose the only man I really love.
Three
MAREN
Devney and I are getting ready to head to North Carolina. I have cried more than any human ever has, but I’m not going to cancel the wedding. Daddy sent me an email, which he does when speaking is too hard, reiterating how happy he was. So, I’m going to put on my brave face and give my dad what he wants.
A wedding.
“I am so, so sorry, Mare,” Devney says as she loads her last piece of luggage into the trunk.
“He just . . . I don’t know. I just really thought he would be fine. I know that’s crazy, but I wasn’t ready.”