I think it through quickly, jotting things down in the order they enter my brain.
Feelings. That’s definitely a concern. I feel more than I thought I would, more than I knew was possible. It’s so strange and intense and fast that it scares me. However, I’m able to shut those emotions down. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.
Sex. That’s a pro because what we just had was fantastic.
Marriage. We’re married, and that’s a pro and a con. Pro because it happened to make others happy. Con because we weren’t supposed to actually be married.
Friendship. That one is tricky. We’re friends, and I’d like to still be friends at the end of this. Not sure where this one falls. More of the outcome.
Honesty. Oliver and I were very clear about being nothing more than some amazing sex for five days, and at the end, we walk away as friends.
I put the paper down and smile at him. “We’re okay. I think us being honest about our expectations made it easier.”
He leans in, pressing his lips to my forehead before pulling me against him. “I’m thinking this is the kind of marriage every couple should have.”
I laugh a little and lift my eyes to meet his. “How is that?”
“Two people who are friends, can talk about things, keep their hearts out of it, trust each other not to hurt the other, and have really fucking great sex.”
I lay my head back down, thinking that it’s exactly what I wrote on that paper. “We definitely have that.”
At least, all but the heart part. That one, I think I’ve lost a little.
Nineteen
MAREN
Oliver and I pried ourselves out of bed to say goodbye to my father and Linda before they headed out, then Ollie stayed downstairs to take care of some work things while I came back to the room to repack our bags for us.
There’s a knock, and I smile, thinking Oliver must’ve left his key.
“Hey, did you . . .” I trail off when I see Devney waiting. “You’re not Oliver.”
“I definitely am not, but why do you look sad about that?”
“Nope, not sad at all. I just thought it was him.”
“We’re heading out in a few. Sean wants to get the kids home in time for them to get a good night’s sleep before we return to life tomorrow.”
I give her a big hug, loving that I had this time with her. “I’m going to miss you.”
Devney smiles. “I’ll miss you.”
“Thank you for everything. I really can’t repay you.”
“Please, it’s what best friends do. While I may not agree with your psychotic breakdown, I do understand it. Seeing your dad yesterday was really special, and I think it’s something that you and him can cherish for the rest of your lives.”
There’s no denying that. Even when my father is gone from this earth, I’ll be able to remember that walk we took, the love in his eyes, and the ease he felt believing I was married.
It’s all a lie, but it’s a good one as far as lies go.
“I know I’ll never forget it. I have so much to fill you in on. But,” I say, remembering the surprise I got last night. “I’ll never forgive you for the repacking job you did.”
She grins. “You’re welcome.”
“I wasn’t thanking you.”
“But you will later.”
“Come in, I need to finish.” I walk back into the room and head to my bag.
“Ahh, you’re packing.”
I purse my lips as I stare at her. “Yeah, about that. Seriously, I don’t know why you thought I would need sexy lingerie for a honeymoon where we had no plans of anything.”
Had being the word of the day here. Now I have plans. Lots of naked plans.
She’s quiet as her eyes start to move around the room, taking in details as they jump from the bags to the bed.
The very rumpled bed with sheets that are barely hanging on and the pillows that have fallen to the floor. The gym shorts on the floor, and Oliver’s shirt thrown over the lamp.
“Maren?”
Crap.
“Yes?”
Her eyes find mine, and she gasps. “Oh my God! You had sex with Oliver!”
“Will you be quiet?” I say quickly as I clamp my hand over her mouth. “The door is wide open.”
She pulls it down. “You did?”
“Yes, but it’s fine.”
“Oh, this I have to hear.” Devney walks over to the couch and hesitates before sitting. “Is this spot safe, or are there questionable body fluids on it?”
“You’re ridiculous.”
She shrugs, choosing not to sit. “I knew this would happen.”
“You knew what?”
“That you’d have sex with him,” she says while shaking her head. “I saw it the second you two were together in front of everyone. Oliver is not that good of a liar. You guys have feelings for each other, and last night . . . was inevitable.”
She’s insane. We are only feeding off the emotions we have been forced to fake.
“That’s not true. But things have changed.”
“How so?”
I sigh. “Well, we had the whole wedding, and afterward, my dad asked to go with us to sign the marriage license.”
“No!” She covers her mouth with her hands.
“Yeah.”
“Did you sign it?”
I nod. “What option did we have?”
“Okay, that’s true. But . . . well, it’s fine if you don’t file it, right?”
“That’s what we think, but Mark is going to look into it just to be sure.”
“You know,” Devney says, taking my hands in hers. “This is kind of brilliant. You signed the papers. Everyone thinks it’s real and you love each other. If you can void the whole thing by conveniently forgetting to file the paperwork, then when you guys decide to”—she lifts her fingers in air quotes—“get divorced, you won’t actually have to do anything. It can be a clean break.”
I never even considered that. “You’re right.”
“I am, but that doesn’t change the fact that you and Oliver had dirty sex on your wedding night.”
Of all the conversations in the world I thought I’d ever have, this isn’t one. Nothing about this weekend has gone to plan. Having the wedding, the groom, and then this morning has been a complete mind fuck, and I can’t make sense of it yet.
Honestly, I don’t really want to overthink this. I want to enjoy it.
“Maybe not, but we’re both adults, and we’re fully aware that it’s nothing but sex.”
“Oh. Sure. What you should say is that you’ve figured out a way to rationalize the feelings and dismiss them.”
“I am not rationalizing anything.”
She scoffs. “Please. You’re the queen of it. It’s what landed you in this situation to begin with, Mare. You were going to marry the other guy because of your dad, and you rationalized that it was worth it even though you didn’t love your ex. Now, you have the feelings you didn’t have—”
“I don’t!”
“—for the other guy, and you’re again, making excuses.”
“Devney, listen to me,” I say through gritted teeth. “I know what I’m doing.”
“I don’t think you do, and that’s what has you so messed up. Honestly, when it comes to love, we’re all stupid, irrational, and contradictory, just like you’re being. You say you don’t have feelings for him, but here you are, smiling like a fool.”