Wicked Kiss (Nightwatchers)

Chapter 17



I reeled back from Seth in shock. “My death?”

“It’s written all over you like a poem.” Madness glimmered in his eyes. “It’s your destiny, beautiful star. A necessary step of a longer journey.”

The angel had managed to put my darkest fear into words and throw them out on the cold night air as if they meant nothing at all—just a random observation.

“How can I stop it?” I asked tightly.

“You can’t.”

“I’ll fight it.”

“You can try. You’ll fail.”

I clenched my fists at my sides so tightly that my fingernails bit into my palms. I focused on that pain, and the pain in my ankle, and tried to think, to rationalize this.

Seth was crazy.

He said crazy things.

And yet...I knew that stasis was coming for me just like with Stephen. Stasis, that dark and deadly wraith in the distance, growing closer by the day.

“Go back to your little angel and his friends,” Seth suggested, standing up from the curb. “Enjoy the time you have left.”

I forced myself up as well and grabbed his arm. “Wait.”

I looked right into his eyes, trying to channel that part of my nexus ability that allowed me to read the minds of angels and demons. This hadn’t come with an instruction manual, but it was always waiting just below the surface for me to tap into.

And...yes...I could sense something, feel something. It was there, as if shining at the bottom of a dark pool of water...I just couldn’t reach it.

The others could block me if they tried hard enough. I could bust through it if given enough time. I pictured it like a tall, solid wall of ice. Ice cracked, and it could be broken.

“You spend too much time focusing on the wrong things, beautiful star. It will be your undoing. You obsess about your fallen angel, yet he’s not the only one to fall, is he? The girl fell far to the ground and death claimed her, locking her in its embrace.”

My breath caught. “Are you talking about Julie? Julie Travis? You know what happened at the mall? Why did she do that? Was there a reason for it?”

“There’s a reason for everything.” Seth glanced around our surroundings, the dark and empty street that made me think we were the only two in the city if it wasn’t for the buzz of activity a block ahead, back near the club. “Something has been released here, something beyond the gray. It devours all that is good. And the lost ones wander, their numbers growing daily. They search for escape, just as we all do. But they’re trapped, just like we all are. You already know this—you know more than you think you do.”

I was losing him again. For a moment, he’d almost been making sense. “What do I already know? Stop playing games with me, Seth.”

“Life is a game, beautiful star. One with a time limit. And it’s time to accept your destiny.”

“If my destiny is death, then I don’t accept it.”

“You have no choice.”

“There’s always a choice.” My anger had given me the strength that accepting defeat had bled away. This time I looked into Seth’s eyes with every bit of focus I possessed. He knew things. And damn it, I was going to find out what they were.

That mental wall was there, blocking my access to his thoughts and any truth he was trying to hide from me. I sensed the crack and pressed hard against it.

She’s not ready yet. But she will be soon.

That was all I got before I was shoved right out of his mind and the crack in the wall closed up tight, smacking me in the face like a bungee cord. I staggered back and fell over my injured ankle, gasping with pain as I hit the ground hard. A car came around the corner, momentarily blinding me with its bright headlights as I struggled to rise to my feet and look around.

Seth was gone.

* * *

What the fallen angel had told me was like a storm pounding me on all sides. I felt battered and bruised as I hobbled back to the nightclub, shivering from the cold. I had to find Bishop and tell him what happened.

What Seth said could have been a pack of lies. Every rambled, crazy word of it. Talking to him had been a waste of my time.

She’s not ready yet. But she will be soon.

Trying to figure out the workings of that fallen angel’s mind would wind up driving me crazy, too.

My hand stamp worked fine to get me back into Ambrosia, no questions asked. I retrieved my coat right away, hoping to chase some of the chill away, or at least attempt to ignore it as long as I could.

Clutching the handrail, I descended the sparkling, crystal staircase to get to the main club. Limping, I made my way through the crowd, the loud music filling my ears, the scent of the souls pressing in on me, threatening my focus.

The first person I recognized didn’t see me. Cassandra zipped by, so close I could feel the breeze she created with her swift movement. Roth was right behind her. He grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her into one of the alcoves, covered by the beaded curtain. I followed, confused.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Roth demanded.

“Away from you,” Cassandra replied angrily. “Now leave me alone.”

“Not going to happen.”

“Honestly, take a hint, demon. The farther away from you I am, the easier everything is.”

“Easy’s boring.”

“I’m here for a reason. And it’s not to entertain you.”

“Trust me. You’re not that entertaining.”

I pressed against the wall, favoring my ankle. I didn’t understand why Bishop would send them here together to search for Stephen. It was obvious to me how much they despised each other.

“I swear, demon. Let go of me.”

“And what if I say no?”

“Maybe I’ll get Bishop’s dagger and shove it through your chest. Put you out of your misery.”

Roth laughed darkly. “That a promise or a threat, angel?”

“Your choice.”

Enough of this. I pushed the curtain aside and looked in at them. Roth had Cassandra pressed against the wall, his hand on her shoulder. Her eyes glowed blue in the darkness as she looked at me.

“Good.” She shoved away from the demon. “This is over.”

He grabbed her wrist to stop her. “It’s not over till I say it is.”

“Let go of her!” Everything about this demon set my teeth on edge. I didn’t know why Cassandra didn’t kick his butt like she’d done the other night. I knew she could flatten him without barely lifting a finger.

Roth gave me a dark look. “Mind your own business.”

“I’m making this my business.”

He actually laughed at this. “Isn’t that sweet. The gray cares about you, angel.” He tightened his grip on her wrist. “Are you two besties now?”

I didn’t bother trying to reach for my new knife. Bishop was right; it was too hard to access under these jeans. Instead, I touched Roth’s bare arm and bust through his mental barrier as easy as cracking an egg. He must have been distracted tonight. I only channeled a low-level zap into him, but it was enough to make him unhand Cassandra and stagger back a few feet until he hit the wall hard. He let out a satisfying grunt of pain.

My gaze shot to Cassandra. “You okay?”

She stared at me. “How did you do that?”

Oops. I really didn’t like the look on her pretty face. Instead of being upset over her confrontation with the jerk of a demon, she regarded me with confusion...a look that began to shift to growing clarity. As if things were slowly clicking into place for her.

More dangerous clues to what I really was.

“Forget it.” I swallowed hard, averting my gaze. “I have to find Bishop.”

Without waiting another second, I pushed through the curtain and scanned the dark club. Memories of what I’d seen in his mind—when he’d killed Kraven—rushed back over me with the force of a tidal wave.

It was a long time ago, I reminded myself. Whatever made him do that, he wasn’t the same person as he is now.

It had scared me to feel the cold inside of him, his apathy for the pain he’d caused someone he loved. For a moment, I’d reeled from that horrible truth, wanting to hide my head like an ostrich and forget I’d seen anything. But I couldn’t. And I knew I had to learn more to make sense of it all.

That was what realists like me did with things they couldn’t wrap their heads around. They gathered information and hoped it would all fit into tidy stacks, leading to firm and resolute answers. But this didn’t. And I didn’t think it ever would.

I knew Bishop hadn’t forgotten. And I knew it ate away at him every time he saw Kraven now. With so much bad blood between them, I didn’t know how they were able to work together at all.

Who was this horrible Kara person and what had she done to Bishop to change him so much?

I made it to the middle of the dance floor, searching for any sign of either the angel or the demon, when the sound of a blood-curdling scream cut past the loud music. I wrenched my head in the direction of the ear-splitting sound, but everyone around me began moving, rushing, pushing against each other to get to the stairs.

I grabbed a stranger’s arm. “What happened?”

The man’s eyes were wild with fear. “Somebody just got murdered.”

He slipped away before I could get anything else from him.

Horror clawed at me, and I started to fight against the crowd to get back to the dance floor. “Bishop! Where are you?”

I saw the victim first. He lay in the middle of the now-cleared dance floor, on his back, his eyes glazed. A sparkling fall of lights from the ceiling brushed his pale skin. And the all-too-familiar black lines branched around his mouth.

“Oh, no,” I whispered, clamping a hand over my mouth.

A gray’s victim lay dead, having been drained of his soul. And it had happened right in the middle of a crowd.

I took another step closer, but a strong hand closed on my arm, stopping me from taking another step. I spun to look, ready to fight—but it was Bishop.

“Don’t get any closer,” he warned. “You don’t want to be involved in this.”

“I already am involved.” I pulled away from him, stepping back a few feet so I could try to clear my head. Even now, even with this horrible sight in front of me, being close to Bishop was dangerous—as we’d proven without a doubt earlier.

I could still feel the brief kiss we’d shared, just before the memory meld had saved him from my rising hunger.

“I need to get you out of here.” His expression was grim. “Are you coming or do you have a bizarre urge to talk to the police when they arrive?”

Smart-ass. “Fine. I’m coming.” I couldn’t turn my attention back to the dead man who’d come here tonight to dance and drink and have fun, only to meet someone who kissed him—that exhilarating magical dark kiss that stole his soul and his life.

Kraven met us at the stairway, downing the rest of his drink in one gulp before discarding his glass. “Long time no see, sweetness. Did you have fun tonight?”

I stared at him incredulously. “Someone just got killed! Don’t you care?”

He flicked a glance toward the body as he began to ascend the stairs behind me. “And how would my caring make any difference? Still happened. Dude’s still dead.”

“Why couldn’t you stop it?” I demanded, turning to look at Bishop as we left the club to meet Cassandra and Roth outside.

“Keep walking,” he said tightly.

I held my tongue until we got a block away and turned the corner where we were sheltered from the rest of the people who’d fled the nightclub. The sound of the approaching police and ambulance sirens made me shiver. I drew my coat closer, but it didn’t help at all.

Cassandra stood nearby, scanning the area. Roth leaned against the wall. Kraven had his arms crossed, his expression uncharacteristically dour.

“Well?” My attention was fully fixed on Bishop. “There were four of you in that club. A club that you said yourself is a known hangout for grays. Couldn’t you have stopped that? I thought angels and demons could sense grays.”

His brows drew together and he regarded me for a moment without speaking. “I was focused on looking for one gray tonight. Stephen.”

“In case you need a reminder,” Roth growled. “You’re looking at a gray. She could have killed that human herself.”

I gaped at him. “Are you kidding?”

“Hardly.”

“Or maybe Stephen did the deed himself,” Kraven suggested. “Does he swing both ways when it comes to soul sucking?”

I sent a withering look in the demon’s direction. “He didn’t do it, either. It was somebody else.”

“How do you know that for sure?” Bishop asked, watching me closely.

“Because I followed Stephen out of the club a half hour ago.” I allowed that to register for him, and his blue eyes widened a fraction. “Yeah. I talked to him. Unfortunately, he didn’t want to talk to me.”

“And what happened?” Cassandra asked, drawing closer. “Did you get your soul back?”

“No.” I fought to keep my voice from quaking. “He’s not all that interested in helping me right now. He’s going into stasis as we speak. He could be dead by morning and I have no idea where he went.”

“Good riddance,” Roth growled.

Bishop swore under his breath, and rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I didn’t even see him.”

“It’s over.” My chest felt so tight it was almost impossible to breathe.

“No, it’s not. We’ll keep looking. You, however—” Bishop raised his gaze to mine again “—are going home where it’s safe.”

“Safe?” I sputtered. “You want me to go home where it’s safe.”

My frustration was mirrored on his face. “Did I stutter?”

“Uh-oh,” Kraven muttered. “Trouble in paradise.”

“I need to help.” I couldn’t just go home and do nothing. I couldn’t be alone and let everything close in on me. I already felt claustrophobic enough as it was.

“You can help by letting us do our job,” Bishop said firmly.

“Yeah, really stellar job so far.” I glared at him. “Bravo.”

His lips thinned. “I know you’re frustrated. It hasn’t been easy. But it’s not going to get any easier if we don’t find Stephen.”

“He’s long gone.” That defeat I’d felt earlier that I’d been fighting hard against was rising up off the mats, ready for another round. “It’s over. My soul is gone. I’m a gray and all I feel is hunger, Bishop. It’s all I am now.”

“It’s not all you are.” He drew closer to me.

Too close. I pressed my hands against his firm chest and he froze, looking down at where I touched him. But then I surprised him by shoving him backward. “Honestly. Just stay back, would you? Are you trying to make this more difficult?”

“I don’t know,” he growled, his gaze darkening. “Are you trying to be a bitch?”

That comment made me let out a half gasp, half laugh of shock.

The other three watched us with varying degrees of wariness and interest. I only saw them peripherally. My focus was entirely on the angel who was currently glowering at me.

“What did you see earlier? With me?” he asked, his voice low.

He was cheating by changing the subject on me. “It doesn’t matter.”

“The way you’re looking at me right now makes me think it does matter. A lot.”

“How am I looking at you?”

“Like you despise me.”

“Am I?” I didn’t despise Bishop, just the opposite. My feelings toward him were very confusing, true, but I didn’t hate him. I didn’t think I could ever hate him.

“Oh, please,” Kraven said evenly, with an extra helping of sarcasm. “Share with the class. We’re fascinated by everything you two do together. Good times.”

“What did I see?” I repeated, still focused only on Bishop as if he might disappear the moment I took my attention off him, like Seth had. “Just a glimpse of your past. And let me tell you, it wasn’t exactly a joyride.”

“A glimpse of his past?” Cassandra asked, frowning. “How is that even possible?”

Bishop ignored her, his blue eyes fixed on mine. Something much less than sane slid through his gaze then. “You wanted to learn more about my past, Samantha. I guess you should be careful what you wish for.”

“We’re wasting time here,” Roth said sharply.

“You’re right,” Bishop replied, tearing his gaze from mine. Finally, I could catch my breath. “Like I said before, go home, Samantha. Now. And let me get back to trying to save your damn life.”

I actually flinched at that, his words as sharp as any blade. “Don’t bother. I can look after myself. What happened here—” I thrust my chin back in the direction of the club “—shows you need to focus on your mission, not on me. There are other people at risk in this city. Actually, about a million of them. I don’t want to be the one you blame for failing to save them.”

His gaze returned to mine, now guarded. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“No, but it’s what I’m saying.” I swallowed hard, ignoring the burning sensation moving swiftly from my throat to my eyes. “I get it, Bishop. I’m an ongoing problem you need to deal with. And part of you hates me for it.”

His expression tightened. “It’s been a long night. You’re tired.”

I let out a sharp laugh. “You’re right, I am tired. Of all of this. I’m tired of caring what you think about me. I’m tired of my hunger and how it draws me to you. It’s a problem for me, too, in case you didn’t realize that. My life was a hell of a lot easier before you came into it.”

Kraven and the others smartly chose not to be a continuing part of this conversation. They’d backed off, letting Bishop and me have this standoff all by ourselves.

“Is this you being honest with me again?” he asked. “While I hold back?”

“Yeah, what a shock.” I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. “But thanks to that memory meld, now I know why you’re so secretive.”

His teeth were clenched together, madness sparking in his gaze. This conversation was working to unhinge the shaky hold he had on his control. “What happened back then is none of your business. Not yours, not anybody’s.”

My ankle still hurt from being twisted earlier; I hadn’t had a chance yet to ask Cassandra to heal it. But that was the last thing I cared about at the moment.

“You win. I’m leaving,” I said softly. “But can you do me one favor, Bishop?”

He didn’t reply for a moment. “Of course.”

“Stay away from me.”

Surprise slid through his eyes. “What?”

My stomach churned, but I knew I had to say this. Too much had happened tonight. That murder victim had been the final straw. Bishop spent too much time worrying about me, and not enough time keeping everyone else in this city safe. That had to end, and it had to end tonight.

“Being around your soul...” I pushed the words out. “It’s too difficult. I don’t like how I feel when I’m near you. So I want you to do what Cassandra suggested, what the others think you should do, and stay away from me. I want all of you—every one of this team—to stay away from me.”

“Me, too? I’m staying at your house right now, remember?” Cassandra said uncertainly.

“Except for Cassandra,” I amended, glancing in the blonde’s direction. “But you need to give me my space, too. I’m not part of the team anymore.”

“You never were,” Roth grumbled.

Bishop just fixed me with a steady look, his face tense, his eyes glowing soft blue in the darkness surrounding us. “You’re so damn stubborn.”

I tore my gaze from his. “Just stay away from me, Bishop. Please.”

He hissed out a breath. “If that’s what you really want.”

“More than anything.”

I started walking away, my ankle crying out with pain with every step I took. I focused on that pain, welcoming it into my life so I wouldn’t start to cry for real. Or turn around and tell him to forget everything I said, that it was a momentary burst of craziness that I already regretted.

It was the right thing to do. He had to regain his focus. The sooner he did, the sooner this mission would get back on track. And the sooner he could go back to Heaven and be cured.

I wanted to think it was the gray’s dead victim that had inspired this decision, but it was something earlier. Before Stephen, before Seth. It was when Bishop had let me kiss him. How he hadn’t fought it. He’d wanted it as much as I had.

I could have killed him tonight, without any resistance at all.

I cared about him too much to ever want to hurt him like that.

Instead, I’d hurt him in other ways if it would keep him away from me.

I’d gone a few blocks from Ambrosia toward the nearest bus stop before I realized somebody was following me.

My shoulders tensed, but I didn’t have to turn around.

“Did he tell you to come with me?” I asked tightly.

“Uh-huh,” Kraven said. “I’m just a humble foot soldier following orders.”

I let out a groan of frustration. “Awesome. So he’s already ignoring what I asked for.”

“Your charming list of demands? Yeah, well, maybe this will be a onetime thing. Wouldn’t want to cramp your new girl-power lifestyle choices.”

“I can find my own way home.”

I started to ignore him again, but just like last time, he followed me onto the bus when it arrived. He sat in front of me, leaning over the back of the seat to eye me curiously.

“So what’s up?” he asked.

I tensed. “Are you trying to annoy me?”

“Is it working?”

“Yes.”

“You’re grumpy. Did somebody have a fight with her beloved tonight?” He rolled his eyes. “You two are way too intense, even apart from each other. Together, it’s like...ugh. Spare me the drama.”

I crossed my arms, refusing to rise to the demon’s bait. “It’s great how you can ignore death and mayhem so well.”

“It’s a gift.”

I shifted my gaze to look directly at him. “One acquired before or after Bishop killed you?”

That wiped the grin off his face immediately. “You really know how to bring down a fun evening. Is that your special talent? Other than the mind reading and zapping?”

“You could tell me the truth about what happened.”

His smile returned, only it was colder this time. It gave me the chills. “I could. But if there’s one thing you should know about me, Samantha, it’s that you should rarely trust anything I say.”

Only at rare moments like this did I think I was chipping past the demon’s thick armor and seeing the real James beneath it all. I found that oddly encouraging. “You called me Samantha.”

He cocked his head. “It’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. But I usually get gray-girl or sweetness.”

“Two adorable nicknames.”

“Two sarcastic slurs.”

“Potato, po-tah-to.”

And just like that, his mask of smart-ass indifference was back up. I gripped the edge of my vinyl-covered seat as the bus turned a corner. My dagger pressed against my right leg, which only served to remind me of the night Bishop visited me in my bedroom, kneeling in front of me to help strap the sheath around my bare thigh.

“I honestly have no idea what to think about you, Kraven,” I said, turning my gaze to the city streets speeding past us.

His grin widened. “Are you saying you think about me? Like...in the shower, maybe?”

I shot him a look. “You wish.”

“Where’s a genie when a guy needs one?”

I kept looking at him, trying to see past that mischievous sparkle in his eyes to the real Kraven underneath. “I’m sorry that happened to you. Really. I know how much you cared about him.”

His expression froze and something raw and pained slid behind his amber-colored eyes. “Forget it. I have.”

“Sure you have.”

I’d succeeded in making the demon stop talking to me just when I wanted him to talk. But even I knew when to stop pushing.

The bus came to a stop and I got off, favoring my ankle. I wasn’t an expert, but I didn’t think I’d hurt it as badly as I’d initially thought. It already felt better than earlier.

It surprised me that Kraven continued to follow me. I thought I’d more than outstayed my welcome with him tonight.

“Ready to talk?” I asked without turning around to look him in the face.

“You know, maybe you should focus on the problems you have right now rather than look to others’ problems as a distraction. It won’t fix what’s broken.”

He knew me a little too well. “Let me ask you a couple questions.”

He caught up to me so we walked side by side. His expression was so serious that for a moment I could really see the resemblance between him and his brother in the line of their jaw, the shape of their eyes, and along their cheekbones. It wasn’t always so obvious. “Why? Is it because you’re madly in love with him and you want to find the answers to save him, body and soul?”

His words were like a punch to my gut, hearing them spilled so carelessly out in the open. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Or maybe you want to save me.” His elusive smile returned. “Maybe ever since our little experiments started you can’t get me off your mind and you’re dying to kiss me again. You’re all—Bishop’s kind of cute for an emo angel boy, but that brother of his? Way hotter.”

I glared at him. “Who’s Kara?”

“Pass.” He kept his eyes on the sidewalk in front of us. “Next?”

“I think she must have done some spell to make him go crazy.”

He raked a hand through his hair. “Crazy. That’s a good word.”

“Was she a girlfriend?” I persisted, undeterred. “Yours or Bishop’s? What happened to her?”

“Next question,” he hissed out from between his teeth. “Or I’m leaving.”

I deflated. I didn’t doubt he’d just walk away. I’d tread on dangerous territory. But what wouldn’t be dangerous territory when it came to him and Bishop?

“Is Kraven your last name?”

“Yes.” He gave me an unpleasant grin. “See? That one wasn’t so tough.”

“You said once that you and Bishop had different fathers, which is why you have different coloring. Who was your father?”

He was silent for a few heavy moments. “A man who had a great deal of money, but wasn’t interested in claiming a bastard as his son. I took his last name anyway just to piss him off.” His lips curved to one side and there was a dim red glow to his eyes now, betraying his fluctuating emotions. “Believe me? Or do you think I’m lying? Do you think this is some sort of interesting puzzle? That solving it will help everything make sense? You’d be wrong.”

He was right about one thing. Focusing on his past helped me forget my own present, if only for a few minutes. “I’m not wrong.”

My house was at the end of the block. I was limping now and he noticed, not that he said anything or offered to slow down.

“My turn,” he said. “I have a couple questions for you now.”

I kept my focus on my driveway. My mother’s car was parked there, giving the illusion that someone was home. I’d left a light on in the living-room window. No one would guess the house was completely empty.

“You can ask,” I said tightly. “I can’t guarantee I’ll be any more cooperative than you’ve been.”

“Noted. Okay, so I’ve been thinking a lot about your special skills, gray-girl. Blondie seems to think you have supernatural intuition.”

My stomach started churning nervously. “I guess that’s what I have.”

“Yeah, but why? That’s the question. What makes you so special?” When I didn’t answer him, he leaned closer so he could whisper. “I was right, wasn’t I? You are adopted. And I’m guessing your birth parents were a little...unusual. Maybe a true case of opposites attracting, if you know what I mean? And I think that you do.”

I recoiled from him. “You’re wrong.”

He gave me a patient look. “Lying’s an acquired talent. Takes years to master. I should know. Bishop knows the truth, doesn’t he? It’s one of your lovey-dovey secrets. Something I’m betting my bottom dollar that he told you not to reveal to any of the rest of us. Cue dramatic music.”

I needed to stay calm and not give anything away. He was just fishing, looking for information. Trying to read my expression. Kraven, despite his troubled past, was a demon. A troublemaker. He wanted to make this difficult for me. It was in his nature.

“Whatever, Kraven,” I said smoothly. We’d reached my house and I didn’t hesitate to go up the driveway. I stopped at the front door before I braved another look at him. “You seem to know everything, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately not. But I know enough. I’ve seen enough.” He swept his gaze down the front of me. “All that supernatural energy in such a petite body. You’d think it might burst right out of the seams.”

He knew. Without even saying the exact words, without any confirmation from me, he’d figured out my secret. Bishop had put such fear into me about anyone finding out. I was frozen to the spot, unable to move.

I turned away from him to face my front door, trying to figure out a way to fish into my jeans and pull out my dagger. I reached for the waistband.

He grabbed my wrist. “You don’t have to be afraid of me. And you don’t have to make a pathetic attempt to reach for your little weapon. I mean, let’s not get insulting here.”

“I can zap you even without a weapon,” I said through clenched teeth.

“You can try. But it would be a waste of time. I’m not planning on telling anyone your little secret, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

I turned to face him. “Maybe I don’t trust you.”

“Smart girl. And you’re smart not to trust my brother, either. If you’re not careful, he might put a knife in your back like he did with me.”

He let go of me, and walked away without a backward glance. I watched until he’d disappeared into the shadows before I scrambled for my key and let myself into the house.

The demon knew my secret.

And the scariest thing was, at this very moment, that was the least of my problems.