Wicked Destiny

Chapter 2





Walking into my place had never felt sweeter, and given the added bonus of being alone, it was even better. Dropping my coat and purse onto my couch, I made my way to the bathroom and started the shower. I couldn’t wait to wash away everything that happened tonight. I set the water on scalding hot and left to retrieve a Blue Moon from the refrigerator. I couldn’t stop thinking about Viktor, much less him leaving with someone else. Why this bothered me I had no idea. I only just met the man. And then there was Jared. What was his deal tonight? Jared had always been flirty, but tonight he was too eager to lay claim. It seemed the harder I tried to think about everything, the more it made my head hurt. So, I refused to spend any more time thinking about them.

I made my way back to the shower, where I stripped, and the sudden feeling of being alone slowly crept up with a vengeance. I couldn’t help but shiver, and I climbed into the hot shower. Standing there in the running water, I reluctantly began to torture myself. I wondered when was the last time I felt whole, warm, or loved. That’s when I noticed that the water wasn’t the only thing running down my face; tears were streaming down as well. I grabbed the sweet smelling soap I spent a fortune on and began washing myself, hoping to make it all go away. But it was too late.

Closing my eyes to rinse my face, I smiled at the image of the crystal blue eyes that once looked at me with deep appreciation. I opened my eyes again and wondered what the hell I was doing. I would certainly regret this in the morning.

The one thing I was certain of, without a doubt, was that Declan still had possession of my heart. What a thief he was.

Standing there in the shower, I closed my eyes again. Declan was there waiting as always. As I laid my head against the shower wall and I imagined that, instead, I’d laid it over his heart. In the steam of the shower that surrounded me, I imagined it was his arms that embraced me. Nothing was said—just pure, soft, and soothing unconditional love. I lost track of how long I was standing there like I always did when Declan held me like this. It was only when the hot water started to run cold that reality began to sink in. So I pulled myself from my imagination and got out of the shower. As I got dressed and put myself to bed, I couldn’t help but send a silent prayer to whoever was listening. I hoped they’d go easy on me tonight.





Remembrance



I’m in my old room and Declan is standing on the balcony. He’s bare-footed, wearing his worn jeans and a light blue and white button down shirt that was left unbuttoned. He looks to have just gotten out of the shower, because his dark hair was wet. He turned to me and held out his hand for me to join him and I do what he silently asks. He pulls me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest and we begin swaying to the music he has playing in the background. John Mayer’s “Do You Know Me” is playing. Declan’s arms tighten around my waist, probably to make sure I’m not too cold. I’m wearing only a cami with pajama shorts.

He rests his head on top of mine and lets out a sigh. We remain like that way under the moon, just swaying to the music. I glance at us in the mirror inside my room save the image of us to memory. And I notice something. I’m my old self—blonde without any colors and no tattoos. Thinking to myself, I wonder if I want him to see what I look like now.

Then he spoke to me with that sweet voice that loves to haunt me. “Why can’t it always be like this with us? Why are we always fighting?” He kisses the top of my head.

“I don’t know why. Maybe because you left me and I’m still broken.” I’m too afraid to look at him.

“I’m here now. I miss this.” He must have felt the chills and now thinks I’m cold, because he begins to rub my back and tighten his grip on me.

“I’ve missed you so much it hurts. I’m lonely, and even though it’s because of you leaving, I haven’t the energy to be mad.” I now tighten my grip on him.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to move on.” His whole body stiffens, waiting for the wrath that might follow.

“I know, but it’s too hard. I try, but no one is…you.” Unwillingly, I begin to cry.

“No one will be me, just like no one will be you.” He stops swaying and I look up at him.

“Declan, do you miss me?” I have never been so scared to hear an answer.

“More than you will ever know.” He smoothes my hair and caresses my cheek.

“Then why? Why did you leave and why won’t you come back?” I start to get desperate.

“Sloane, there are things you don’t know about me. You have to know that the times spent with you were the best times of my life. I keep it all locked away here.” He points to his heart.

“That’s not good enough,” I say, shaking my head.

“I know, but that’s all I have to give.”

“I don’t want to fight. I’ve spent the last three years fighting with you and tonight I just want you to hold me. Is that too much to ask?”

“No, it isn’t. Do you want to talk about it? Is it another guy?” Declan manages to get us swaying again.

“Two, actually.” We stop for a moment, but easily start again. I giggle silently. Is he jealous?

“Wow. Two guys, huh? You always knew how to turn heads, even when you didn’t know it. That’s what I loved most about you. You never knew your own power. Speaking of which, have you learned to control your emotions?”

“Whatever, and yes. I have managed to keep everything neutral, I guess. I have my moments, especially here lately.”

“The two guys?”

He actually wants to talk guys with me? “Declan, I am so not discussing my love life, or what’s left of it, with you of all people. If I was that worried about them, they would be in this dream and not you.”

“Just be careful. There are some people that will only be there because of what you are and not who you are. I don’t want to see your heart broken again.”

“There’s nothing left of my heart to break. It doesn’t exist anymore.”

“You have more heart than you know, Sloane. You just keep it locked away. Don’t let what happened to us be the reason you stay lonely and afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of letting anyone too close.”

“So you want me to forget about you and go chasing after two other guys?” I smile up at him.

“Well, not exactly. Our dance isn’t over and I am not ready to let you out of my arms.”

“Declan, why? Why did you leave me?” I can’t help it anymore. I have to know.

“It’s better if you didn’t know.”

“I need to know. Was it because I am a freak of nature?”

“What? Wait—no. Yes. Well, no.” He’s terrified. Probably scared of what I will do next.

“No or yes, Declan, which is it?” I’m pissed now and I know he can tell.

“It’s not what you think. I was sent…”

And before he can finish, my doorbell rings throughout the room.



Even though I could hear the door bell ringing, I had to take a couple of deep breaths before moving. Whoever was on the other side of that door was so going to get it. I looked at my cell phone to see what time it was, but it was dead. Looking at the top of the curtains, I noticed that the sun was out; it had to be at least mid-morning. I slung my feet to the side and staggered to the door. “Hold on! Damn it, man!” I screamed out, and the noise ceased. Leaving the chain on the door, I unlocked the two dead bolts and yanked the door open. Viktor stood there with two coffees from Starbucks.

“What the hell do you want?” I asked with irritation. I hoped he noticed, because if he did it again there would be a serious problem.

“I thought you might want some coffee.” He held both of them up and smiled.

“What time is it?” I asked, while allowing him to slide the coffee through the small opening of the door.

“It’s nine o’clock.”

I just about choked on my coffee, because I was never up this early unless I was just going to bed. So, I gave him the only thank you I could think of and slammed the door in his face, locking the dead bolts back. Although, the coffee he picked out was quite good and I smiled. There was a faint knock at the door again. I went through the routine again and this time I removed the chain and yanked the door back open. Viktor stood there like he was a kid who knew he did something wrong.

“Might as well come in.” I motioned for him to come in, and to hurry before the neighbors saw me in just my PJs.

“Wow.” He was looking at what I had on and I quickly walked over to the bedroom area to slip on my robe.

“Have a seat and let me just brush my teeth and hair.” I didn’t care if he sat; I just had to do something with myself. After brushing my teeth and clipping my hair back, I met him back in my living room.

“I’m sorry to wake you. I hardly sleep and I had to apologize for what happened last night. It wasn’t my place to, well, whatever.”

“Yeah, I honestly have no idea what all that was about. I guess you kind of stepped on some territory Jared thought he had.” We were sitting on opposite ends of the sofa drinking our coffee.

“Well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I’m just across the hall if you ever need anything.” He got up to leave and now I was ill.

“Wait—you came over at nine in the morning to say I’m sorry and you bring coffee?”

“Well, yes. Is there something else you want to talk about?”

“No, but you woke me up. And now that I am up, you are responsible for entertaining me.”

“I have a loft that is in need of unpacking.” He raised his eyebrows as I thought about his loft.

“I don’t know. I barely know you. You aren’t going to, like, tie me up and do anything crazy to me, are you?”

“I’ll only tie you up if you ask me to.” He was laughing and smiling at me as I turned red.

“Hold on, let me put some sweats on.”

Viktor waited for me in the living room area. The Loft was all open, so I could actually keep an eye on him and make sure he wasn’t a creeper. All I did was slide on a pair of sweat pants, and then grabbed the matching jacket. I left my white cami on that I wore to bed. Sliding on my socks and shoes, I realized it was the first time, since Declan, that I had been dressed so comfortably in front of a guy. I walked back into the living room and found him looking at a painting, my painting. It was the one I’d painted of the lake that was outside my balcony, and where a girl stood looking across at a cabin. Her back was to you so you couldn’t see her face, but there was a reason for that.

She was heartbroken, and she was me.

“Do you like it?” I asked, smiling as he took in the sight of me in my non-work clothes.

“Actually, yes, I do. I don’t really have an interest in paintings, but this is great. Is the artist local?”

“I would say so. I have several pieces by her.”

“Her, huh? Well, whoever she is I hope she resolved her issue.”

“Why do you say that?”

“There is a touch of sadness to it.”

“I thought you didn’t know anything about art.”

“I didn’t say that. I said it doesn’t interest me. And it doesn’t take a genius to see it. She is obviously longing for something.”

“I never thought of it that way. Are you ready?” I said, desperately wanting to change the subject and get out of there.

“Sure.” Viktor smiled and we were off.

I followed Viktor to his loft where it was in complete chaos. There were boxes and furniture everywhere. I couldn’t figure out where to start first. So, I suggested that he help me find all his kitchen stuff so I could get it sorted. I figured he could work on his bedroom stuff. While I was unpacking, I noticed the expensive cookware from Bed Bath & Beyond and from all the infomercials. He couldn’t possibly use all of this, but then again, he probably could. Once I was finished with his kitchen, I found a docking station for an iPod or iPhone. I figured it was too quiet, so I placed my iPhone on it and turned it up really loud. Linkin Park’s “Papercut” was playing.

I then started on his living room. In his loft he had built in shelves, so I started stacking all his CDs and DVDs on them. There were no pictures of family or friends in any of the boxes. It was strange to me. Oh, well, everyone had their own issue. I know I did.

Everything seemed very black and white, or maybe because everything was black and white. Looking around, I noticed that all the kitchen appliances were black; his kitchen table was black with white cushions. His couch and love seat was black leather with white pillows. The entertainment center…black. His coffee tables with the matching end tables were black. There was a black and white checkered rug under the coffee table. Looking into his bedroom area, I noted his comforter set was black with black curtains. What was this guy’s deal with color? Viktor walked out of his bathroom to find me looking at his room.

“Find anything you like?” He flashed me a grin and I blushed.

“Actually, no.” And I walked back into the living room where I continued to unpack his CDs.

“Where are you going so fast?” He had a curious look on his face.

“Well, you have about a million CDs and DVDs that are taking space on you floor. I figured you might want them on your shelves before you trip over them.”

“You just seem like you’re running from something. “

“Nope, not running, but sweating to death. Can you open a window or turn on your ceiling fan?” I took my jacket off and laid it on the gigolo couch.

“Can I ask you something?” My back was to him as he opened windows.

“You can always ask a question. There is a possibility I won’t answer, but go ahead.” I love being a smart ass.

“Why the angel wings?” He stood far away, probably in case it was a touchy subject. He obviously wanted to know about my tattoo.

“Well, I don’t know. I always feel torn in the direction I’m headed. Not that I am a religious fanatic or anything, but I know there’s a Heaven and a Hell. There hasn’t been a lot of good here lately. So one day when I found myself wondering around down town, I walked into a tattoo shop and told them I wanted a set of angel wings outlined in black, the tips colored white. Every now and again I have to get the tips touched up because they fade, and I think I do it mostly because I want to hold on to whatever little bit of good I still have.” That was about as personal as I have been with anyone here lately.

“I like that. I have a name for you now: Angel.” He was still across the room, but he must have found his feet, because he was walking towards me. He held his hand out and something about this just seemed wrong, but I put my hand in his as he pulled me up. “Dance with me.” It sounded more like a command than a request.

“I haven’t danced with anyone in a while.” I felt like I was betraying someone who wasn’t even here anymore. Someone who told me to let go, and I did just that.

I let him take me in his arms and we danced there in his half unpacked living room. It was a good thing the area was big, because we would have tripped over everything. Greg Laswel’s “This Woman’s Worth” was playing, and for some reason I felt at complete ease. I relaxed. I looked up at Viktor as he towered over me and he was looking down at me with big grey eyes. I couldn’t help but wish they were ice blue. I smiled and placed my head on his chest and closed my eyes. He rested his head on top of mine and I thought he actually kissed the top of my head. We danced like this even throughout the next song, which was Linkin Park’s “Numb”. Security is what I missed. Someone else’s security, though, not mine. I was tired and exhausted from maintaining this wall I put up. I think it was time to start breaking it down. So, since I shared something, I thought it was time for him to share something.

“Viktor, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why aren’t there any pictures of your family?”

“Well, that’s because I don’t have one. Never had a mother or a father and, well, as for friends, guys don’t really walk around with a camera taking pictures so they can frame them. That’s more of a girl thing.”

“That’s funny.” He pulled back and looked at me. “No-no. About the camera thing. I didn’t mean about your parents. I never knew my parents, either.”

“Is that why you put on this bad girl act, so you’ll get attention?”

“No, that’s not why. If you must know, I trusted someone once and it didn’t end well, obviously. He broke my heart and I haven’t been the same since.”

“What do you mean? You are beautiful. Are you sure you just didn’t open your eyes and finally wake up?”

“I never thought of it that way. Back then, I was different. I wore dresses, no tattoos, no hair dyes, and the extreme make-up and clothing I never wore. My natural color is blonde and I was all natural. Shay used to call me Plain Jane. It’s like after he left everything went dark.”

“So, it was him?”

“Yeah, but I really don’t want to talk about him.”

“That’s fine. Let’s talk about…Florida.”

“Florida?”

“Yes, Florida. Well, Panama City Beach, to be exact.”

“When?”

“I was thinking this week sometime we can leave. I have a condo there. Don’t worry, there are two bedrooms so you can have your own room and bathroom. I’m thinking we can beat all the spring breakers there so it’s a lot quieter.”

“I have to work.”

“Nope, no you don’t. You told that guy Jared that you were taking a vacation. What are you going to do? Stay here in your loft and lock yourself up? Come with me. It will be so much fun.”

I couldn’t believe we were still dancing and he now wanted me to go to Florida with him. “OK, but I need to know where it is and a number just in case Shay can’t get me on my cell.”

“Wow, should I be asking Shay for permission first?” He was grinning, but in all seriousness he should.

“It probably wouldn’t hurt if you talk to her.”

“You are serious.”

“I am. You have no idea how close we are. She is the closest thing to family that I have.” Then I remembered last night and the fact that he had someone here with him, or he went to someone else’s place. “You know, I think this is a little fast. I mean, you were just here last night with someone and now you want me to go somewhere with you.”

“Sloane, no one has been here.”

“Shay saw you leave with someone else. Please, don’t start off lying to me, because this’ll end badly and I think we’re actually having a great time.”

“I’m telling you the truth. I did leave with someone, but I walked her to the next club next door to meet her friends so they could take her home. Then I came home and took a shower.”

“How do I know you’re telling me the truth?”

“You don’t. You just have to learn to trust me. I just met you. What reason do I have to lie to you?”

“I don’t just trust people, Viktor.”

“I can see that. How about we hold off on the trip until you know you can trust me, and then we can go and have some fun?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“You can even bring Shay to make you feel more comfortable.”

Even like this he got me. Viktor knew Shay was my comfort zone. As long as she was close, I was OK and he seemed just as ‘OK’ with that. Could he be the one to break this spell I was under? I thought about the possibility of me actually be getting over Declan after all this time.

We continued to dance at a slow pace, turning in circles as he caressed my hand in his that rested over his heart. What were the odds of two troubled souls finding each other like this? This could be the beginning of something good or a recipe for disaster. Either way, something big was going to happen. We swayed to the music playing on his radio, and before I lost who I was, I excused myself. He walked me to the door and I felt him watching me as I left. I never looked over my shoulder to give him one last smile. You always leave them wanting more, I told myself, as I put my key in the door to let myself into my loft.