Wicked Business

“Nothing. No tablet on the ground that I can see. I’d say it’s around a twenty-foot drop.”


The floor of the domed room was littered with small brown rocks the same size and shape as the Luxuria Stone. Mixed with the small brown rocks were chunks of crystal like the ones embedded in the walls and ceiling. I picked up a couple of the prettier crystal chunks and put them in my sweatshirt pocket.

“She said she fell multiple times,” I told Diesel.

“Let’s hope she lost the tablet on the first fall.”

I went to the hole and looked in. “You might be able to drop down and only break one or two bones, but you have no way of getting out, other than wandering around for a couple days.”

“I’m not going down. That’s the genius of my plan. Carl’s going down.”

Carl’s eyes went wide open. “Eeeep!”

“I brought rope,” Diesel said, slipping the coil of rope off his shoulder. “I figure we tie the rope to Carl’s harness, and we lower him down. When he finds the tablet, we bring him back up.”

Carl was shaking his head no so hard I was afraid his eyes would pop out and roll around on the ground.

“It’s perfectly safe,” Diesel said to Carl. “I’ll have a good grip on you. It could even be fun. You’ll get to see a new tunnel.”

Carl gave Diesel the finger.

Diesel tied the rope to the back of Carl’s harness, picked Carl up by it, and bobbed Carl up and down like a yo-yo.

“Good to go,” Diesel said.

“He looks worried.”

Diesel hung him over the hole. “Nothing to worry about. What could go wrong?”

“Eeeeee,” Carl said, descending into the abyss, holding tight to his harness, feet dangling, his mini-headlamp shining into the darkness.

“Remember, you’re looking for the tablet,” Diesel called to Carl. “I’ll pull you up when you get the tablet.”

I stood back a couple feet and manned the Maglite. I was trying to illuminate the ground below, but it was difficult to get the beam of light past Carl.

“He’s on the ground,” Diesel said. “The rope went slack. I think he’s walking around. “Hey, Carl!” he called down. “How’s it going? Do you see the tablet?”

“Chee,” Carl said, his voice very faint.

Moments later, there was a tug on the rope. Carl wanted to come up.

“Did you get the tablet?” Diesel asked.

“Chee.”

Carl had something in his hands coming up. Impossible to see what it was—my light was throwing shadows. Diesel lifted Carl out of the hole and swung him toward me. Carl had a dead rat.

“Eeep?” Carl asked, holding the rat out for me to see.

“Dude, that’s not a tablet,” Diesel said.

Carl dropped the rat, and Diesel kicked it over the edge into the hole.

“Back you go,” Diesel said, sending Carl down, down, down.

“Eep,” Carl said.

The rope went slack and then played out.

“He’s walking around,” Diesel said.

Diesel leaned over the edge to see better, and the dirt gave way.

“Oh crap,” Diesel said, tumbling into the hole.

WHUUUMP! Diesel landed on his back far below me.

“Omigod,” I said. “Are you okay?”

“I think I landed on the rat.”

“As long as you didn’t land on Carl.”

Carl jumped onto Diesel’s chest and gave me a big monkey smile and a finger wave.

Diesel got to his feet and looked around.

“Do you see the tablet?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he said. “It’s partially covered by dirt. It’s no wonder Carl couldn’t find it.”

“So what are you going to do now?” I asked him. “How are you going to get back here?”

“I’m not. There’s no way.”

“But I’m here,” I said.

“You’ll have to go back by yourself, and I’ll find my way out.”

“What? Are you crazy? I’m not walking back through all those tunnels by myself!”

“It’s easy,” Diesel said. “They’re spray painted. The only other option is to come down here.”

I looked over the edge. “It’s a long way.”

“I’ll catch you.”

“Anarchy said there were spiders and bats that way.”

“And?”

“I don’t like spiders and bats.”

“You have to choose.”

“Okay, I’m coming down.”

“Great.”

I was on the edge of the hole, but I couldn’t bring myself to jump. I’d start, but then I’d chicken out.

“Oh, for the love of Pete,” Diesel said.

I glared down at him. “This is all your fault. This was your stupid idea. And then you went and fell in the hole. What the heck were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I had to get the tablet.”

“Even your monkey knew it was a bad idea, but did you listen to him? No, no, no.”

“Women,” Diesel said to Carl. “Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them.”