He looked amused, glancing around the state-of-the-art studio. “This is pretend?”
I blushed. “Adrian has an overdeveloped sense of guilt, for whatever reason, and tries to pay it off by buying me expensive things he thinks I need.” I didn’t want to talk about that anymore. “And he doesn’t hate you.”
“Perhaps,” Julian conceded. “But he doesn’t think very highly of me, does he?”
I couldn’t really argue with that one. “Why is that?”
Julian cocked his head to the side and stared at me as though trying to work out a puzzle. “Adrian isn’t like the rest of us,” he said finally. “He tends to want too much.”
I scowled. “You’re being intentionally cryptic.”
He snorted. “Couldn’t properly call myself a vampire if I wasn’t.”
I looked at him—I mean really looked at him, probably for the first time. He was incredibly beautiful, but there was a blankness to him. Less than Mariana and Dominic, but it was there. Like he was fading right before my eyes. “Why are you really here?” I asked finally. “I have things to do—and I was under the impression you didn’t like me all that much.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I don’t care about you enough to dislike you.”
I laughed, too tired to be offended. “Someday you are actually going to care about something, and you won’t have any idea what to do about it. I should get you a puppy,” I mused. “I can’t see you being mean to a cute little puppy.”
“Don’t you know?” he asked, leaning back with a dry smile. “I drink the blood of innocent puppies for breakfast. Right after my corn flakes.”
“Nice try.” I turned back to my sewing machine. “I already know you guys only drink people juice.”
“Ah,” he sighed, “the secret’s out.”
Was it weird that I wasn’t hating this conversation? Regardless, I only had another twenty minutes to work on the dress before Adrian had to take me back to Trish’s, so I ignored Julian and examined the edge I was about to sew. Before I could put my foot back to the pedal, I thought I heard him mutter, “Why you?”
I frowned at him. “Why me, what?”
He leaned close, as if inspecting a funny little bug. “Why you? There’s nothing special about you. All this fuss,” he murmured. “The Council is in such an uproar over a passing vision about tiny, insignificant Caitlin Holte. You’re not intelligent, you’re not clever, you’re not beautiful. You’re not going to change the world. You’re going to grow up and live a tired little life, and then you’re going to die. That’s what people like you do. That’s what people like you are good for. Filling space.”
His words stung so sharply I couldn’t breathe.
“And yet,” he continued, “the world—for now—revolves around you. A dull, common star in a bright, massive galaxy. You hypnotized my brother. You terrify my sister. And I’m the only one who’s sane enough to wonder why.”
My heart hammered up into my throat, a heady mixture of fear and rage, but the rage, as usual, won out. “You’re right,” I whispered finally. “I’m not special. I know that. And I admit I’ve had a rough year. I have not been at my best. I’ve been vindictive and petty and immature and angry, but I still care.”
I laughed, suddenly, as I realized that Julian didn’t scare me anymore. Julian didn’t scare me and Mariana didn’t scare me and the Council didn’t scare me, because I was worn out and they were all so blind.
“I love your brother,” I admitted for the first time out loud. “I love him. You deign to exist, Julian. You don’t love anyone or anything, and that makes your life pointless. It’s so sad—and you don’t even know. So wonder away, poison Adrian against me, do your worst. I’ve already lost everything I ever cared about, and I’m still here. I haven’t given up. So fight me, or get the hell out of my face because I’ve got shit to do.”
Julian sat still for a long, long moment. Finally, he stood, looming over me. “Very brave. I will give you that. But my eternity isn’t the one you should be concerned about. Remember—Adrian is going to live forever, too. Think about that. Think about what that means.”
And he walked out of the room.
I sat very still. Outside, the snow fell in the soft afternoon light. It would be dark in an hour. I laid my head on my arms. I felt like crying. I felt tired. I felt confused. A small hand touched my back. I lifted my head and saw Lucian standing there, looking concerned.
“What are you doing?” he whispered.
I tried to smile and couldn’t. “I’m crying. Again.”
He tilted his head. “What’s that?”
“It’s something people do when they’re very sad.”
“Why are you sad?”
I managed a weak smile. “I don’t understand your brothers.” But he still looked confused. “You know how you get rid of tears?” I asked. He shook his head. “You find somebody you love and you hug them.”
“Love?”
“Yeah. Somebody you care about.”
He nodded. “Who do you want me to find?”