‘No. She curtsied, told me her name, and then ran off to the palace. I assumed that she was a visiting dignitary’s daughter. When I returned to the palace, I immediately began asking about her and quickly found out that arrangements had been made for her to marry my brother! I was insanely jealous. I was his second in everything. Ren was given all the things I wanted in life. He was the favorite son, the better politician, the future king, and now the man who would marry the girl I wanted.’
He spat out, ‘He’d never even met her. I didn’t even know that my parents were seeking a bride for Ren! He was only twenty-one, and I was twenty. I asked my father if he could alter the arrangement so that I could be Yesubai’s betrothed instead. I reasoned that another prin-cess could be found for Ren. I even offered to seek a bride for him myself.’
‘What did your father say?’
‘He was totally focused on the war at that time. I told him that Ren wouldn’t care either way, but Father wouldn’t even listen to my pleas. He insisted that the arrangements with Yesubai’s father were irrevocable. He said that her father had insisted that she marry the heir to the throne so that she could become the next queen.’
He stretched out his arms along the log we were resting against and continued, ‘She left a few days later and was taken by caravan to meet Ren, to sign documents, and go through the ceremony of betrothal. She stayed there with him for just a few hours, but the trip took a week. It was the longest week of my life. Then she returned to the palace to wait. For him.’
His golden eyes pierced mine. ‘Three months she stayed in our palace waiting, and I tried to avoid her as best I could, but Yesubai was lonely and wanted company. She wanted someone to walk the grounds with her, and I reluctantly agreed, thinking I could keep my feelings in check.
‘I told myself that she would be my sister soon and that it was okay to like her, but the more I got to know her, the more deeply I fell for her and the more resentful I became. One evening, as we were wandering the gardens, she admitted to me that she wished that I was her betrothed.
‘I was exultant! Immediately, I tried to embrace her, but she put me off. She was very strict about following protocol. On our walks she even had a chap-erone follow us at a discreet distance. She implored me to wait, promising that we would figure out a way to be together. I was insanely happy and determined that I would do everything, anything, necessary to make her mine.’
I reached over to hold his hand. He squeezed mine and then went on.
‘She said that she had tried to put her feelings for me aside for the good of the family, for the good of the kingdom, but that she couldn’t help but to love me. Me – not Ren. For the first time in my life, I was chosen above him. Yesubai and I were both very young and in love. When the date approached for Ren’s return, she became desperate and insisted that I speak with her father. This was entirely improper, of course, but I was lovesick and agreed, determined to do anything to make her happy.’
‘What did her father say?’
‘Her father agreed to give me her hand in marriage if I conceded to certain conditions.’
I interjected, ‘That’s when you arranged to have Ren captured, right?’
He winced. ‘Yes. In my mind, Ren was a hurdle I had to jump over in order to have Yesubai. I endangered him so that I could have her. In my defense, I was told that the soldiers were going to escort him to her father’s palace and that we would make different arrangements regard-ing the betrothal. Obviously, things didn’t go as planned.’
I entreated, ‘What happened to Yesubai?’
He said softly, ‘An accident. She was struck and she fell, breaking her neck. I held her as she died.’
I squeezed his hand. ‘I’m so sorry, Kishan.’ Though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, I decided to inquire anyway. ‘Kishan, I once asked Mr. Kadam if Ren loved Yesubai. He never really gave me a straight answer.’
Kishan laughed bitterly. ‘Ren loved the idea of her. Yesubai was beauti-ful, desirable, and would make a wonderful companion and queen, but he didn’t really know her. In letters, he insisted on calling her Bai and wanted her to call him Ren. She hated that. She felt that only lower castes of people used nicknames. In all honesty, they didn’t really even know each other.’
At first, I felt relieved, but then I remembered Kishan’s descrip-tion of Yesubai. Not knowing a girl well didn’t mean she wasn’t desired or sought after. Ren could easily still be harboring feelings for his lost fiancée.
A slight tremor shot through Kishan’s arm, and I knew his time as a man was up.
‘Thanks for staying with me, Kishan. I have so many more questions. I wish you could talk with me longer.’
‘I’ll stay here with you until Ren returns. Perhaps we can converse again tomorrow.’
‘I would like that.’
The troubled man changed into the black tiger and found a nice spot for a nap. I decided to write in my journal for a while.
I felt awful about Yesubai’s death. I turned to a blank page, but ended up drawing a picture of two tigers with a beau--tiful, long-haired girl in the middle. Sketching a line leading from the girl to each tiger, I sighed. It was hard to sort out your feelings on paper if you hadn’t really sorted them out in your head yet.
Ren didn’t return the rest of the day, and Kishan napped all after-noon. I walked past him noisily several times, but he kept on sleeping. I muttered, ‘So much for my big protector. I could walk off into the jungle and he’d never know it.’
The big black tiger huffed slightly, probably trying to tell me that he knew what was going on, even if he was napping.
I ended up reading quietly the rest of the afternoon, miss-----------ing Ren. Even when he was a tiger, I felt like he always listened to me and that he would talk with me if he could.
After dinner, I patted Kishan on the head and retreated to my tent to get some sleep. As I cushioned my head on my arms, I couldn’t help but notice the big empty hole next to me where Ren always slept.
The next four days continued in the same pattern. Kishan stayed nearby, left on patrol a couple of times a day, and then returned to sit by me during lunch. After lunch, he changed to a man and allowed me to pester him with questions about palace life and the culture of his people.
On the morning of the fifth day, the routine changed. Kishan changed to a man right after I emerged from the tent.
‘Kelsey, I’m worried about Ren. He’s been gone a long time, and I haven’t caught his scent on patrol. I suspect that he’s had no luck on his hunt. He hasn’t hunted since he was captured, which was more than three hundred years ago.’
‘Do you think he’s hurt?’
‘It’s a possibility, but keep in mind that we heal quickly. There aren’t many beasts here that would try to injure a tiger, but there are poachers and traps. I think I should go look for him.’
‘Do you think it’ll be easy to find him?’
‘If he’s smart, he would have stuck to the river. Most of the herds congregate near the water. Speaking of food, I noticed you were getting low. Last night while you were sleeping, I met Mr. Kadam at his camp near the road and brought back more of those meal packages.’ He indicated a bag left by the tent.
‘You must have carried that in your mouth the entire way. Thank you.’
He grinned. ‘You are entirely welcome, my lovely.’
I laughed. ‘Better to carry a backpack in your teeth over several miles than to have Ren sink his into your hide for letting me starve, eh?’
Kishan frowned. ‘I did it for you, Kelsey. Not him.’
I put my hand on his arm. ‘Well, thank you.’
He pressed his hand on top of mine. ‘Aap ke liye. For your sake, anything.’
‘Did you tell Mr. Kadam that we would be a bit longer?’
‘Yes, I explained the situation to him. Don’t worry about him. He’s comfortably camped near the road and will wait as long as necessary. Now, I want you to pack up some water bottles and food. I’m taking you with me. I would leave you here, but Ren insists that you get into trouble if left alone.’
He touched my nose. ‘Is that true, bilauta? I can’t imagine an endearing young woman such as you getting into trouble.’
‘I don’t get into trouble. Trouble finds me.’
He laughed. ‘That much is obvious.’
‘Despite what you tigers think, I can take care of myself, you know,’ I said in a slightly sulky tone.