The Turning Tides

CHAPTER Twenty-Six

RECOVERY



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“Marina… Marina…” Ethan was calling me, and I struggled up from the depths to return to him. When I managed to pull my eyelids open I was surprised to find myself on the couch in the apartment, covered with a blanket.

“Are you alright?” Ethan’s tense face hovered over mine, “What happened? Do you need a doctor?”

I blinked a few times, mumbling, “Mm okay.” I struggled to sit up, and Ethan helped me, propping me up with couch cushions. “I’m just a little dizzy.”

“When was the last time you ate anything?”

“I don’t know… What day is it?”

“Oh God,” he groaned, springing up and returning in a few seconds with a granola bar and a glass of orange juice. “Here, eat this now. I’ll make you something.”

I smiled gratefully and took the glass with a shaking hand. I downed them both and felt better almost immediately, leaning back on the couch.

“Really… what day is it?”

“It’s Tuesday night.”

“Wow.” I tried to piece together a timeline in my mind, but everything seemed to blur together.

“How long were you… um, like that?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. He probably found the thought repulsive. He’d seen me stripped bare, both literally, and in the truest sense of the word. I’d never felt so vulnerable and exposed in my life. I found it hard to believe that he could still want me after what he’d just witnessed. I looked down in shame.

After all, seeing it and hearing about it were two different things.

He tilted my chin up to look me cautiously in the eye, “What happened?”

I haltingly told him about my ill-advised break in, and my betrayal and capture by Paul. I stopped at that point, not really prepared to relive the rest of it.

“Oh no!” he bolted up. “Where’s Stumpy?”

“Don’t worry, he’s in good hands,” I told him. “I left him with Amrita. I was wrong about her. She turned out to be a lot nicer than I realized.”

“People aren’t always the way you think they are,” he said darkly.

I nodded my agreement, but said nothing. “I could use a shower,” I declared, struggling to my feet.

I headed for the bedroom to fetch a change of clothes, and when I opened the door, I stopped in my tracks. The room looked like a bomb had gone off in it. I spun around to find that Ethan had shadowed me down the hall.

“What happened in here?” I gasped.

He looked down, “I’m such an idiot.”

“What happened?” I asked again, worried.

He looked down at his feet, ashamed, “I thought… I believed… She gave me a letter… I thought it was from you… and I guess I kinda, I dunno– freaked out…” He winced at the thought.

I surveyed the damage, trying to imagine Ethan doing it. It was disturbing, and completely out of character for someone I only knew as calm, steady and controlled.

“Whoa.”

He looked up to me with eyes so sad and remorseful that it made my heart melt. I wished I could take him in my arms and kiss away all of his scars. He spoke quietly, “I’m so sorry.”

I stepped up to hug him tightly, speaking in his ear, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“How can you say that? I thought you’d hate me after the way I acted.”

“I could never hate you… I love you.”

He hugged me back, burrowing his face in my neck and breathing deep. “I was so scared you were really gone,” he whispered, “I’ve never been so afraid of anything in my life.”

He took my face in his hands, brushing his lips on mine slowly and tenderly at first, building up to a sweetly passionate kiss that left me breathless. Suddenly, I was acutely aware that I had nothing on underneath his T shirt. My knees felt weak again, only this time, it wasn’t the low blood sugar.

He drew back, asking in a husky voice, “Are eggs alright?”

“Huh? Oh… uh, anything will be fine.”

I stepped around the jumble of books and wood on the floor, picked out a change of clothes, and retreated to the bathroom. Everything seemed strange and dreamlike to me, and I couldn’t really believe that I was actually there, doing something as mundane as looking on the shelf for my shampoo. I realized that I had actually been preparing to die not so very long ago. I started to shiver.

I stood under the hot water, thinking about Nixie swimming alone in the cold sea. I worried about whether or not she made it back to see Nerissa and Lorelei, hoping she’d remember to warn them about the mermaid hunter’s methods. I prayed that once she was safely home she’d be restored to the same joyous little sister I first fell in love with.

Edwards was dead and gone, and now his special connection to Nixie need never be known to anyone. Some of the evil hybrids on the council might still want to meddle with their relatives in the sea, but there would be no reason to single her out anymore. I was confident that she was as safe as any mermaid could be.

I wondered how often I’d have to remind my sisters about the ruthless tactics of the mermaid hunters. I had to find a way to make the terrible memories stick. There was no denying they were drawn to humanity, but they had to learn to be more careful. How many burns would it take to keep them from touching the proverbial stovetop?

I dressed, stepping out of the bathroom to the smells and sounds of cooking coming from the small kitchen. I went to the bedroom to find Ethan had hurriedly picked up, making the bed and stacking his books neatly in the corner.

I noticed a broken picture frame in the garbage, and looked down to see a picture of Ethan as a little boy, sitting alongside a younger looking Ruby. It was the only picture he had of her, so I retrieved it, prying it from the shattered glass and tucking it away into a book. You never know, I thought. He might want it someday.

I had to believe that people could change.

I went to the kitchen, and Ethan sat me down to feed me eggs and toast. I was quiet, and I ate slowly, still feeling as though I was somehow not really there. Images from the past few days swirled in my mind, and I tried to come to grips with it all. Ethan cleared the plates and took my hand, leading me to the couch with sweet wordless attentiveness.

“Abby’s looking for you,” he told me. “Your dad called her– I guess he wanted to talk to you or something.”

“I see,” I frowned. “I kind of took off suddenly.”

“Why?” he asked softly. “Why would you go there all alone?”

I told him about my vision of the dead mermaid, explaining, “I had to know if it was true.”

“Do you want me to call Abby for you?” he asked.

“No, no, I’ll do it,” I reached for Ethan’s phone and dialed.

Abby answered, and asked me if everything was alright. “I’m sorry I worried you,” I told her, “I lost my phone... Yeah…I’ve been painting out at my studio… sure…. School’s kinda keeping me busy… How about Saturday?” I hung up and met Ethan’s eyes.

“She wants to know where I’ve been spending my nights… I think she’s onto us,” I joked, making him smile. “We’ve been summoned to dinner.”

Relieved that she bought my story, I eased back down, laying my head on his shoulder with a sigh.

“Are you tired? I made the bed for you.”

“I guess, but I don’t think I can sleep right now.”

He put his arms around me and pulled me close. After a few minutes he spoke quietly, “She was here to spy on you.”

“I know.”

“You tried to tell me, but I was just so stupid,” he said bitterly, “I hate her.”

I was more than a little surprised to find myself defending Ruby, “She thought she was protecting you.”

He sneered with disgust, “They paid her to come.”

“I know, but Olivia recruited her personally… and muses can be awfully persuasive.”

“I don’t want to talk about her,” he said with finality.

I lay my head back down on his chest, and he kissed my forehead. We sat quietly for awhile, listening to each other breathe. I was tired, but something was bothering me, something that just didn’t make sense. I sat up to face him.

“You must have been pretty angry with me to trash your room,” I said, searching his eyes for an answer.

“I wasn’t mad at you,” he said sincerely, “I was mad at myself.”

“For what?”

“For letting myself believe.”

“Believe? The letter?”

He shook his head no and looked down, groping for the words, “This feeling, the way I feel about you– need you… it scares me. I– I always thought that it was too good to be true, and you were gonna wake up one day and change your mind about me. I’ve been expecting something bad to happen. Like, I’ve just been waiting for it…” He sighed, “I figured if I expected it, then I wouldn’t hurt so bad when the goodbye finally came.”

I took his hand in mine, resting my chin on his shoulder.

He looked up, struggling to explain himself, “But it didn’t work… I never felt so bad my whole life. I was mad for letting myself believe we were gonna make it.”

I squeezed his hand, “You have to believe it, or we won’t.”

“When I thought you were gone, it was awful... I didn’t know what to do… I guess I took it out on my room.” He looked down sheepishly.

“Ethan…” I kissed his ear, “Don’t ever do that again… You have to believe I’m not going anywhere. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.”

He shook his head ruefully, “I was a fool to listen to her… She kept making me think… I should have realized it wouldn’t be like you to just run off without saying anything.” He turned to look me in the eyes, “You’re the bravest person I know.”

Now it was my turn to feel ashamed, and I hung my head.

“More like the stupidest. I knew something was up, but I trusted Paul. He said he wanted to tell Boris and Evie himself, and I didn’t want to get him in trouble for not doing a good enough job.” I put my palm to my forehead, shaking my head at my blindness, “I should have told everyone that I was being followed.”

He turned sideways to face me, “You knew? And you didn’t tell me? What were you thinking?”

I needed to own up to my weaknesses, but I couldn’t help sounding defensive, “It didn’t seem like that big of a deal… I thought I had it under control. You were busy with your mother and– and I figured that you had enough to worry about.”

He exhaled loudly in frustration, “Marina… You’ve got to stop shutting me out.”

“And you have to believe in me.”

We both had a point, and we both knew it. It was quiet for a few beats, then we spoke simultaneously, each raising our voices.

“WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME?”

His blue eyes crinkled up at the corners, and together, we burst into cathartic laughter.

When we finally caught our breath he turned serious, taking both of my hands, “I love you… I’m just gonna have to learn how to have faith in what I can’t see.”

I smiled at the familiar words, and now I finally understood what Rosa and Nixie had meant by them. If Ethan could learn to have faith in my love, I could find a way to have faith that he could handle whatever truth I had to dish out. I could and I would.

With a sudden surge of joyful energy, I came to him, crawling up on his lap and kissing him breathless with my hands in his hair.

Pretty soon we were rolling on the couch, giving in to the euphoria of our reunion. It was time to get serious and stop tormenting each other. Something clicked right then, and I knew that nothing would be able to come between us, ever again. I think he felt it too.

“How are you feeling?” he asked me, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

“Much better,” I smiled, kissing his nose.

“Let’s go to bed,” he said, eyes fixed on mine.

“Okay,” I breathed.

We knew each other very well, and not at all. We went down the hall hand in hand, bumping into each other awkwardly as we took turns brushing our teeth at the sink. He left the bathroom, and I changed into a sleeping shirt, taking a deep breath and running my fingers through my hair.

I took one last look at the girl in the mirror, leaving behind the past. I wanted to forge a future with Ethan; I wanted it more than anything. I was going to have to learn how to be more open, sharing both the sweet and bitter parts of my life with him. I flashed on the image of the home he dreamed of building on his land by the sea. We were going to make it there together someday, because we simply had to.

After all, I’d already seen it… hadn’t I?





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