The Slither Sisters

EIGHTEEN





The dance resumed quickly after the false alarm, but at precisely nine twenty-seven p.m., Mr. Loomis climbed the steps of the stage and tapped on the microphone, calling once again for everyone’s attention. He was still wearing the fake beard and stovepipe hat, and he spoke in his deepest and most reverent voice. “Four score and seven minutes ago,” he intoned, “we began the first dance in the history of Lovecraft Middle School. And now we shall make history again—by revealing the name of our first student council president!”

Kids and teachers clapped and cheered. Robert stood at the edge of the audience, accompanied by Glenn and Karina (and Pip and Squeak, who were resting comfortably in the pocket of his flak vest). It was a weird feeling: just a few short minutes ago, he was nearly dragged into a nightmarish alternate universe by a pair of hideous snakesisters. Now he was surrounded by all his classmates and sipping root beer from a paper cup, as if life was perfectly normal.

“But before I announce the winner,” Mr. Loomis continued, “I’m afraid I have some unfortunate news. I just spoke with Mr. Price, the wonderful leader of our Parents Association, and he tells me that his daughters Sarah and Sylvia are moving to the United Kingdom, effective immediately, to study abroad with their extended families. We will miss them dearly, and we wish them all the best.”

The other students gasped, and Mr. Loomis allowed a few moments of silence before proceeding. “Of course, Sarah was a candidate in today’s student council election, and she did receive one hundred and eight votes. But I’m pleased to announce that her departure will not change the results, because the first-place candidate, garnering one hundred and twelve votes, is Robert Arthur!”

The gymnasium erupted with cheers and applause and birdcalls. Glenn whooped his approval and started his chant again—“Let’s GO, Rob-ERT!”—and this time the other students all joined in. “Let’s GO, Rob-ERT!”

He couldn’t believe it. He had won! In the span of a single day, he’d gone from being a total nobody to the most popular kid in school.

“You better get up there,” Karina whispered. “People are waiting.”

As Robert climbed the steps of the stage, he saw his mother standing at the back of the gym, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. She was so proud of him. All his classmates were clapping. Even Howard Mergler was leaning against a wall so that his hands were free to applaud.

“Congratulations, Robert,” Mr. Loomis said, shaking his hand and giving him the microphone. “Would you like to say a few words?”

Just twelve hours earlier Robert had been onstage at the student council debate, and that had been enough public speaking to last him all year. Still, there was something important he needed to say. He waved his hands, calling for silence.

“I’d like to thank everyone who voted for me. Yesterday, I don’t think any of you knew my name. Today, because I hit a bird with a music stand, I’m famous.”

The crowd went nuts, and more birdcalls erupted from the audience. Two goofy boys ran in circles, flapping their arms, pretending to be hawks or eagles.

“But I realized something tonight,” Robert continued. “The best candidate for president isn’t the guy who hits a bird with a music stand. And it’s not the girl who promises free cupcakes every Friday. It’s the person with real ideas for improving this school. And that’s not me.”

Mr. Loomis was flabbergasted. “You don’t want the position?”

“I don’t deserve it,” Robert said. “But I think there’s a person on the ballot who does.”

As Robert left the stage, the audience was silent. Mr. Loomis returned to the podium and fumbled through his notes. “This is completely unprecedented,” he said. “With Mr. Arthur declining the position and Miss Price moving to the United Kingdom—I suppose the winner is the third-place candidate. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the new student council president of Lovecraft Middle School, Howard Mergler!”