The Reaping

CHAPTER NINETEEN





I didn’t know what to expect when I opened my eyes, so I didn’t. I didn’t know how long it had been since the last of the dead had given up on picking my bones clean or where I’d be “kept” once they were finished. I had no idea what I might look or feel like, if there would be pain or not. I was clueless and totally unprepared (as I suspected most people in my position were) so I reached out with all my senses to acclimate myself as much as possible before I added sight to the mix. Depending on what you’re seeing, vision can be terrifying.

I was lying on my back and there was something hard and cold beneath me. I was freezing and my fingers and toes had lost most of their feeling, though I could still wiggle them. I considered that a good sign.

I took a deep breath and analyzed the ambient smells. Fresh, cold air filled my lungs and, carried on it, a coppery tang that I wasn’t familiar with.

Next, I exhaled slowly and listened. Absolute silence. I waited for the sound of voices or movement or some sign of life and activity, but there was nothing. Though the Darkness was super quiet like that, I had imagined I would hear screams or something, some sign of everlasting torment. Of course, maybe I was confusing it with Hell. What did I know about the Darkness?

Then I turned my senses inward. I had wondered if I would feel evil or hollow or doomed or…something, but I felt no different. In fact, if anything, I felt…better. Surely that couldn’t be right.

That’s when I noticed my headache. A dull throbbing in my right temple that radiated down into my cheekbone and eye socket. Other than that, I wasn’t in any pain or discomfort, just cold. I found that even more unusual, especially considering the devouring I’d just endured.

Finally, when there was nothing left to assess but the visual information, I tried to open my eyes.

A blinding whiteness poured through the cracks and pain cut through my head like a hot knife. Quickly, I squeezed them shut again. I waited a few seconds, counting to ten in my head, before opening them again. When I did, it was just a slit, only this time I was prepared for the pain. Gritting my teeth, I waited for it to subside as my eyes adjusted to the brightness. When they finally did, I opened them wider.

The scene that greeted me was familiar somehow, but I couldn’t put my finger on it right away, my brain feeling a bit addled and mushy. Above me were bare tree branches, crisscrossing the sky like dead, bony fingers laced together. Beyond them were ominous gray clouds. They looked like snow. And that would explain the brilliance as well as the cold. But there was neither snow nor daylight in the Darkness, was there?

Slowly, I turned my head, following one tree’s branches to the trunk and the trunk to the ground. At its base, about ten feet away, was a dense patch of mountain laurels. Their evergreen leaves sagged under the weight of a thick dusting of snow. I looked to my right and saw a similar scene. I was in the woods, in a clearing. I suspected it was the clearing, though I had never seen it snow-covered so it was hard to be sure.

A spot of color drew my eye. A bright red dot marred the fluffy white topping on one leaf. I raised my head a few inches off the ground to get a better look. That’s when the familiarity of the site really hit home. It was the scene I’d dreamed of so long ago.

Knowing that when I sat up I’d be covered in blood, I wasn’t quite as shocked when I looked down and actually saw it. I was still wearing the yellow parka that I’d grabbed at the back door of my house the night before and, just like in my dream, it was shredded. That made more sense now, however, since I’d had quite the run-in with the bloodthirsty, flesh-eating dead not so long ago.

I rubbed a bloody finger over the skin visible through one of the many tears. It was smooth and unmarred, as if hungry teeth had never penetrated it. But I knew they had. I’d likely never forget the feel of it, the torturous agony of it.

Like a delayed reaction, my heart began to race with fear, fear that I hadn’t felt at the time but for some reason was plaguing me now. I reminded myself that it was over. There was no reason to feel afraid now, so I put my focus elsewhere.

What happened next in my dream?

Derek.

I stood to my feet, squishing in the pool of blood in which I’d been laying then turned my head. I looked expectantly in the snow behind me. And I wasn’t disappointed. There lay Derek, sprawled and unconscious, wearing black leather and unbound hair just like I remembered.

My first inclination was to go to him, but something in my gut stayed me. How could it be Derek? I’d freed him by sacrificing myself. There’s no way we should be together.

And then the suspicions arose. What if he’d never really been mine? What if our entire relationship had been a machination of Fahl’s? Or what if he hadn’t really wanted to be free?

A tornado of unsettling thoughts whipped through my mind as I stood looking down on his big body and beautiful face. Finally, I decided to leave our confrontation to a later time, after I’d had a chance to figure out what was what. Setting one foot quietly in the snow behind me, I began to back up.

The snow crunched lightly under my foot as I lowered my weight onto it. I watched the steady rise and fall of Derek’s chest as I stepped back with the other foot. When it stopped so did I, holding my breath until he started breathing again. When he did, I took another step back, all the while watching his chest.

When it seemed he was still out, I picked up the pace a little, keeping my steps as light and soundless as possible. Then, when I’d put nearly ten feet between us, I turned to navigate the trees. I remembered running into Derek from my dream so I chose a different path through the woods. But, I’d no sooner taken three steps into the laurels when I ran right into his chest. And, just like I remembered, I raised my eyes and crashed immediately into his furious silver ones.

Derek grabbed my upper arms with his big hands and squeezed, lightly shaking me as he would a child. “How could you do that to me, Carson?”

“Do what?” I was confused. And leery.

“How could you give your life so easily?” He pulled me into his chest, wrapping his bare arms around me. “Do you know what it was like, watching you walk into your own death and not being able to do anything about it?” His voice was thick with emotion. “For God’s sake, Carson, I watched you feed yourself to them. I had to watch.”

For the first time, he let me know what he was feeling. For the first time, he wasn’t in perfect control. He did feel something for me. And it was real. “I had no choice,” I murmured against the cool leather of his vest, oddly relieved by his upset.

He leaned back, holding me at arm’s length as he looked into my eyes. His were warmer now, once more the inviting pools of mercury that I’d always wanted to drown in. “You could’ve left well enough alone. I did what I did to save you, not for you to go and get yourself into more trouble,” he said emphatically.

As I looked up into his handsome face, all the love I’d tried to deny and overcome in the past several days came rushing to the surface. “You were worth it,” I said. Then, suddenly feeling insecure and a little self-conscious, I cast my eyes down and whispered, “I’d have done anything for you.”

His finger beneath my chin tipped my face up toward his and I saw a reflection of all the love and devotion I felt, all the fierce emotion that I couldn’t describe. It was all right there on his face, plain as day, for me to see. And then he said the words that I’d longed to hear…and to believe. “I love you, Carson. I thought you knew that.”

I shrugged, afraid to open my mouth for fear of what gooey nonsense might fly out. I was relieved when he drew me back into his embrace so that my tears fell unnoticed. They poured down the leather of his vest and dropped to the ground in a delicate patter. This was all I needed to hear before spending eternity in a hell-like existence. This was what made it all worthwhile.

Finally I looked up and asked a question that I wasn’t certain I really wanted the answer to. “Am I dead? Is this even real?”

“The dead part’s debatable,” he said with a wry smile. “Let me put it this way: you’re no more dead than you were yesterday.”

“Then how did I survive the- the—”

“The eating?”

I nodded.

“You healed. It was slow, but by the time they’d moved on to your,” he paused to swallow, “your lower body, your chest and arms had already begun to heal. It was amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

It boggled the mind to even think about. So, with a shake of my head, I moved on to another question. “My parents? Are they—”

“Both out? Yes. Your mother is most likely at her house. But your dad, well, you know he was already- already…”

I shook my head. He wouldn’t be going back to the land of the living, but at least he could move on to heaven. I knew without a doubt that was where he belonged.

“How are you here? Is this just the last time that I get to see you before…before…?” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the words, swallowing them along with the lump that formed in my throat.

Derek smiled indulgently. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

I was confused again, which shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise considering how much of the last four months I’d spent in just that state. “Then what- how—”

“How about the short version?” He interrupted. When he began to speak, his voice rose in wonder and his face shone with admiration. “You made the ultimate sacrifice, Carson. You actually laid down your life for someone else. That set us free. And since you gave your life, the only thing Fahl could’ve taken was your soul. But, even though you made a deal with him, he can’t take the soul of a believer. That’s what set you free,” Derek concluded with a smile. “And as humbled as I am by what you did, we really need to get out of here so,” he said, throwing his arm around my shoulders and guiding me away from the clearing. “Let’s go home. We can talk more later.”

Home? “Wait,” I said, pulling him to a stop. “So I can- I can stay? Here? With you?” I was almost afraid to consider the possibility. You know the whole if-it-seems-too-good-to-be-true-it-usually-is thing. I held my breath until he answered.

With a smile that took my breath away, Derek brushed his lips over mine and whispered, “Yes,” then took my hand and pulled me along behind him.

In a dreamlike state, I walked beside Derek through the snow-crusted woods as we made our way slowly to my car. It was hard not to dawdle. I felt almost captivated by everything, even the small, mundane things. The snow was more amazing than I’d ever noticed. The air was fresher than any I’d ever smelled. The touch of Derek’s skin on mine was more exciting than anything I’d ever felt. It seemed that everything was just…more.

On the way home, I saw that the streets were scraped clean, but huge mounds of snow were piled up along the shoulders, burying cars and mailboxes alike. All the houses looked sleepy and picturesque with their white-covered roofs and smoking chimneys. Evidently, the families were taking advantage of a wintry, post-holiday morning. They were all inside, enjoying their lives. It was so idyllic it made what I’d been through feel surreal in comparison.

When we passed Leah’s house, I remembered her part in my mother’s predicament. I’d all but forgotten about it; it seemed that it took place a lifetime ago. Seeing her house, though, made me remember the friend she’d been to me all this time. And that brought a pang of regret to my heart.

“Do you know what happened to Leah?”

He shook his head. “Only what I could see from the shadows over there, which wasn’t much. I was preoccupied with you, as you can imagine.”

“I doubt she’d be there,” I said, indicating her house. Then I considered that possibility. “I hope not anyway.” I shook off the disturbing thoughts of my friend. “I’ll call them later, see how they’re doing.”

As Derek slowed, approaching my driveway, I asked yet another question that I wasn’t certain I really wanted the answer to. “So what will happen to me now?”

Derek didn’t answer right away. He pulled into the driveway, put the car in park and turned toward me. “If I understand correctly, not a lot has changed. But,” he said quickly when he saw my head fall back against the headrest. My heart had dropped into my shoes and he knew it. “But,” he said again. “You are going to have a chance to save people, or help save them anyway.” His pleased smile set me at ease a little. Obviously this was a good thing, especially if you considered what I’d originally thought I’d be doing.

Trying to see the positive side of the situation, I looked out the window and turned my attention to the house. I never thought I’d be here again. That was positive.

I looked at its simple lines and modest yard. I let the pleasure of just seeing it again, the house that my father and I had occupied together, pour over me like warm sunshine. Finally, after a couple of minutes, I felt a smile tug at my lips.

The backs of Derek’s fingers brushed my cheek. “What’s the smile for?”

I turned to look at him, to enjoy the gorgeous face I loved so much, and let it warm me on the inside. “Just a lot of good memories here, that’s all.”

“Don’t worry,” he said, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “There’ll be more.”

Derek got out and came around to my side, opening the door and grabbing my hand to help me out. “But what about—”

Derek put his finger to my lips and shushed me. “Let’s just be glad that we’re together, out here. Can we not think about the future, just for a little while? I don’t want anything to ruin this. Not yet, at least.”

I sighed. “I know. I’m sorry,” I confessed. I leaned my head against his chest and ran my hands around his trim waist.

I thought about my life now and how much it had changed in a few short months. I had always wanted to be normal, but I’d also always wanted to be significant somehow, too. What I never realized is that the two can’t peacefully coexist. Obviously, I will never be normal. But I could be significant, my life (or death as it were) could be significant.

For the first time, I thought of the future and the man in my arms with hope. I would focus on the good I could do, on the unique opportunity I had been given to help save people’s souls by keeping them from Grey. I mean, how much more significant could life get than that?

So, with a smile back on my lips, I determined right then that the world and all its troubles could wait, for a few days anyway. I was going to take time to enjoy the nearest thing I’d ever have to normal—love.