The Mermaid's Mirror

Chapter 16

Consoled by cuddling and thirty minutes on his Mindbender game, Cole recovered from his parents' argument right away. During dinner, he described in detail the battle between the robot dogs and the ninja cats on his game, then he stopped talking as he fell upon his dessert—a chocolate-chip brownie.

Mom picked at her food, while Dad tried to overcompensate by talking animatedly to Cole and questioning Lena about school. She responded with short, unsatisfying answers, and he gave up.

If you're keeping things from me, she thought, I don't feel bad keeping things from you.

After dinner, Lena loaded the dishwasher while her mom watered the flowers in the backyard. Her dad and Cole lay on the couch, reading a book. Lena hovered at the sliding door for a minute, wondering if she should go talk to her mom, or just leave her alone.

As if reading her mind, her dad said, "Don't you have homework, Lena?"

The words Don't you have something to tell me, Dad? were bitter in her mouth, but Lena swallowed them and turned to leave the room. She stopped to open the coat closet. I need my—Closing her eyes, she fought down a wave of panic. Okay, this is not even funny anymore. This must be some bizarre syndrome: looking for something and not knowing what it is.

She forced herself to do some homework before she went online to chat, but she felt annoyed by everyone's banter as she watched variously colored lines of text scroll by. Kai opened a private window:

Kaiborg: Ur quiet tonite.

Sea_girl: *shrug*

Kaiborg: Everything ok?

Sea_girl: Sure, the rents are just bugging me.

Kaiborg: Want me to come over? ;-)

"No," Lena said out loud, then felt guilty. I kind of suck as a girlfriend, she thought. I should be all lovey and telling him how awesome he is all the time. She typed an answer that she knew would make him happy.

Sea_girl: I wish! U would make everything right. <3

Kaiborg: I'm calling u now.

Lena sighed. Well, that backfired. Now instead of typing words he wanted to hear, she would have to speak them. Her cell rang. "Be a good girlfriend," she told herself, and answered the phone.

***

At eight o'clock, Lena heard her dad going through the bedtime routine with Cole—tooth-brushing and bath time. Lena heard Cole singing in the tub, his voice echoing in the tiled bathroom, " I love to go swimmin' with bowlegged women and swim between their knees ... swim between their knees..."

She grinned. Her dad had taught him that song.

After his bath, Cole came to her room and knocked.

"Come in."

He opened the door and ran to her. "Night, Lena."

She hugged him, inhaling his freshly shampooed hair. "G'night, Cole Dog."

He giggled, as he did every time she called him that. "I'm not a dog!"

"Yes, you are. You're my dawg." She hugged and kissed him. "Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams." He left, and Lena got up to close her door. She looked across the hall to his room, where their dad was sitting on Cole's bed, holding a Magic Tree House book. Lena always thought of her dad as a sunny, happy guy—with his California-boy blond hair and easy grin—but right now his whole body was slumped and his eyes were focused on the floor. It was hard to stay mad at him when he looked so miserable. When he glanced up at her, she signed I love you to him, and he smiled, blinking a little.

She went downstairs and found her mom crashed on the couch, watching a rerun of Top Chef and eating a candy bar.

Her mom looked up at her guiltily. "This show is more fun to watch when you eat junk food," she said, indicating the candy.

"Yep," said Lena. "And you didn't eat much dinner."

Her mom returned her gaze to the TV, not answering. She reached up to twist one of her diamond stud earrings. They were a wedding present from Lena's dad; she never took them off.

Lena waited a few minutes, then said, "Mom?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"What's not fair to me?"

Her mom tensed. She hit Pause on the remote, and stared at Lena for a long time before she finally said, "I'm really sorry, Lena. I wish—" She hesitated, then said, "It's not for me to tell you."

Lena stared back until she felt tears approach, then she left the room.

***

Lena heard a soft knock at her bedroom door.

She opened her eyes, disoriented. Her light was still on—she must have fallen asleep while she was reading. She squinted at her clock radio: 12:32.

Then she heard Cole's voice. "Lena?" he called softly.

She jumped out of bed and opened her door.

He stood there in his pajamas, hair tousled, shielding his eyes against the light in her room. "I woke up," he said.

"I see that. Come in, bud."

Cole shuffled into the room and climbed up on her bed. He slid his feet under her covers and pulled the quilt up to his chin. "Can you turn the light out?" he asked.

Lena obliged, then lay down on the bed next to him. When he was little, Cole used to come into her room in the middle of the night sometimes after he'd had a bad dream. But he hadn't done that for a long time.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"I woke up. I thought I heard Mom and Dad yelling again. But I got up, and it was dark."

"Aw, it was just a dream, bud. Everything's okay."

Cole sighed, already half-asleep. His fingers stroked the satiny moon on her quilt. "Will you sing me a song?"

Lena put her head on the pillow next to him. "Sure." She thought for a minute, then sang very softly:

"By the light

of the blueberry moon

we sang this song

in Lena's room..."

She repeated the verse once more, then waited to see if Cole had fallen asleep.

"Sing it again," he mumbled.

She smiled and sang the short verse again—twice—getting softer with each line. When she had finished, Cole's breathing was regular and deep.

"Love you, buddy," she whispered. She lay awake in the dark for a long time, her own fingers worrying the satin moon. Finally she got out of bed, tucking the quilt closely around her brother.

Still wearing yesterday's clothes, Lena went downstairs and took her jacket and stocking cap out of the hall closet. She unlocked the kitchen door and went out through the garage. Opening the side door, she stepped out into the darkness.

She shivered and pulled her coat closer as she reached the sidewalk. There was a fine, misty rain falling, which made the night seem even colder and darker. She headed down the street toward the beach, glancing back at her house once to make sure no lights had come on.

I'll be back before anyone else wakes up, she thought.

She peered warily around as she walked. Anyone out wandering around in the middle of the night could not be up to any good. A wry grin quirked her lips. Unlike me, who is so sane and sensible.

She turned onto the paved bike path above the beach that led to Magic Crescent Cove. She kept her eyes on the path as she walked, since it was so dark. She didn't want to trip and fall. That would be just her luck: sneak out, fall, break her ankle, and have to lie here in the path until morning, until some jogger or bicyclist came along.

She picked her way along the path cautiously, occasionally pausing to lift her eyes to the sea. Without admitting it, she was hoping to see a head out there in the waves. And not the head of a dolphin or a sea lion.

This obsession must be another symptom, she thought. Whatever my particular mental illness is, it makes me hallucinate fairy-tale creatures and look for things without knowing what they are. Oh, and sleepwalk. Can't forget that. At least I didn't sleepwalk my way out here this time.

Lena's jacket was wet now—she hadn't thought to bring an umbrella. She stood uncertainly for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to return home. She would have to hang her coat somewhere to dry where her parents wouldn't see it. She frowned down the path and kept walking. She would just go as far as the edge of Magic's.

Shivering, Lena came to the park bench viewpoint on the walking path and sank down to rest. She gazed out at the sea. The blackness of the ocean met the blackness of the sky. The regular sweep of light from the Pelican Point Lighthouse whirled in the distance.

Shoulders hunched against the rain, she thought, So this is what craziness feels like. Wandering around outside in the middle of the night, in the rain, looking for something that doesn't exist, and even if it did ... I can't see it now, because of the rain and the dark!

Lena stood up, giving one final look at the sea, then turned her face up to the sky. She closed her eyes as the rain slid down her face like tears, and whispered, "I just wish I knew for sure."

She remained standing, emptying her mind, visualizing the smooth interior of a conch shell. And like a conch shell, her mind filled with the sound of the ocean.

As she stood in stillness, her soul opening like a night-blooming flower, words floated into her mind: "I beheld you, child."

Lena opened her eyes. Where did that come from? She looked around, although she knew that the words were only in her head. "Beheld" was not a word she had ever used in her life. But the sentence had formed in her mind as fully as if it had been spoken in her ear. Heart beating faster, she looked out at the black ocean again. It was as if she had asked for a sign and been given one.

I will look for you again, she thought. I will never give up.

Tears of relief filling her eyes, she turned to walk home.

Before she had gone very far, however, someone stepped out on the dark path, barring her way.

Lena gave a stifled cry.

The figure did not move, just stood immobile. It was a man—she could tell by the size and shape of him.

With a fear that was utterly primal, Lena backed up. I'm so stupid, she thought. I should never have left the house. I'm so, so stupid. Her heart slamming against her ribs, she looked behind her, trying to estimate how far she could run before the man caught her.

"You saw her," came a rough, low voice.

Lena's heart gave an even harder jar.

"I saw her, too," said the man. "A long time ago." He took a step toward her, and Lena could finally see him. He was wearing a long coat, and she realized it was Denny.

Lena didn't know whether to feel relieved or even more terrified. Everyone thought he was harmless. But maybe they just didn't know. Maybe he had attacked girls before, and no one knew. If he was harmless, why was he here on this unlit path in the middle of the night, blocking her way?

Lena's muscles tensed as she prepared to turn and run back the way she had come. If she could outrun him, she would scream as soon as she got close to someone's house.

But at that moment, Denny turned and gazed out at the sea. "I want to see her again," he said.

Without stopping to think, Lena rushed forward, closing the distance between them in a few strides. Before he could move, she was pushing past Denny and racing to safety.