The Fate of the Muse

chapter NINE

LEAVING





When the morning light finally made trying to sleep pointless, I got up and puttered around in the kitchen, glad to see that Cruz had stocked it with fresh coffee. I heard the distant roar of the shower and looked up to see Cruz stumble in, bleary eyed and bathrobed.

He saw me, and his eyes flew open, “What are you doing here?” he gasped.

“Good morning to you, too.” I said.

“It’s just… it’s just…” He sputtered, “I wasn’t expecting you until later this morning.”

“Shayla and I came up right after the rally. How late did you stay there?”

“Late,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh, uhm, well, Shayla and I decided to get an early start.” I felt guilty for not staying longer and helping out more. I must have been crying too hard to hear him get in, I thought, glad he hadn’t mentioned it.

“I gotta go get dressed,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

Just then Shayla walked in, stretching her arms over her head. She wore an oversized tee shirt, sweat socks and a brilliant smile, “Good morning!”

Cruz’s eyes flashed to mine desperately, and Shayla looked back and forth at the two of us, “Who’s that in the bathroom?” she asked.

“Excuse me–” Cruz said, rushing out.

I frowned and poured Shayla a cup of coffee, rummaging through the fridge for some milk.

“You look all crapped out,” she said, as I slid her over a mug, “Why don’t you just call Ethan already?”

“I will,” I said, wondering what I should say.

A few minutes later Cruz came back in, followed by a freshly showered Bradley.

“You remember Brad, right?” he said.

Shayla and I exchanged a glance and smiled, wishing him a good morning. I offered him coffee, but he declined, saying he needed to get going to work. Cruz walked him out the door. After a few minutes he came back and sat down at the granite counter quietly.

“Do you want some coffee?” I asked.

He looked at me and Shayla apprehensively, “OK.” I poured him a cup that sat untouched while he nervously picked at the black polish on his fingernails.

“Are you okay?” I asked gently.

He pressed his lips together with determination, “I have something to tell you guys…” There was a pregnant pause, “Me and Bradley are more than just friends.”

“Uhm, okay,” I said, “He seems nice.”

“Really?” he looked up incredulously, “Aren’t you shocked?”

Shayla and I exchanged another glance, and I could see she was biting her lip to keep from laughing.

“Not really,” I said, adding, “He does seem like a nice guy.”

Cruz slumped with relief, taking a deep shaky breath. He looked like someone who had just put down a huge burden.

“What will Megan say?” he fretted. This time Shayla couldn’t contain her laughter, snorting with mirth.

“Cruz,” I said gently, “She’s happy if you’re happy.”

He rolled his eyes at Shayla sarcastically, but couldn’t help smiling. A minute later his face darkened, “Yeah, I guess Megan won’t care. But what about mom? And Ethan… and Dutch… Oh God–” his voice cracked and he dropped his head into his hands.

I came around the counter and put my arm around him, “Cruz, it’s okay… Don’t you know that? Abby just wants for you to be happy– that’s all! Who you love doesn’t matter… because we all love you.”

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, throwing his arms around me.

“Totally!” Shayla chimed in, “Nobody’s gonna give a rip!”

“I guess,” Cruz’s voice was shaking, “But mom’s been like a walking hormone lately… What if the shock is bad for the baby?”

Shayla couldn’t help laughing again, but got up to join in our hug. “Don’t be stupid,” she told him, “Your mom is like, the best mom in the world!”

Cruz wiped his eyes, nodding, “Yeah, I guess I really lucked out in the family department.”

“Me too,” I said, instantly reminded of the mermaids. As bizarre as the last few months had been, I was still glad that I’d come to know them. They were part of me, part of the mother I had never gotten the chance to know, and at that moment I knew that I would never give them up… as long as I lived.

Cruz ran his fingers through his hair, fixing his bangs across his forehead, “You have no idea how hard it is keeping such a big secret about yourself.” When our eyes met, his widened, and he smiled sheepishly, “Uhm, never mind!”

I nodded sardonically. My secret was a whole lot darker than Cruz’s ever was, and he didn’t even know the half of it.

The three of us drank a pot of coffee together, all sharing the sense that our lives were about to change forever. Shayla rummaged in the fridge and made us her favorite breakfast, introducing us to toast with peanut butter, bananas and honey. Cruz told us more about Brad, gushing about how smart he was, how rich and sophisticated. He confessed that he was a little intimidated by him.

“I mean, he grew up in mansions,” he said, wide eyed, “He showed me his dad’s giant beach house and everything.”

I exhaled in exasperation, “I hope that you know he’s no better than anyone else just because his father has money.”

Cruz sighed, “He’s so perfect, I can’t imagine what he sees in me.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” Shayla exclaimed, “You’re the smartest, most talented person I know!” She looked at me and grimaced apologetically, “No offense.”

I smiled, “None taken.” I thought about what Cruz just said and realized that I felt exactly the same way about Ethan. The only difference was, Cruz had a bright shining future ahead of him… and me? The only thing I had to offer were four more years of uncertainty and a lifetime of weirdness. Not to mention the homicidal anger.

I thought about the council meeting and squared my shoulders. I got up and cleared the counter, “I’d better go get dressed.”

“Me too,” said Shayla, bouncing up to leave. She turned, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder like she was in a shampoo commercial, “Cruz?”

“Yeah?”

She smiled wickedly, “I hope he at least took you out to a nice dinner!” We could hear her snickering all the way down the hall.

When I got back to my room I dressed, packing my things methodically and zipping up my bag resolutely. There was none of the usual excitement or anticipation I used to feel before traveling. I thought about Ethan again, and fished the phone out of my bag to call him.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine… I’m sorry I had to leave so early.” I bit my lip.

“Marina,” he sounded frustrated, “It was Amber, right? I saw her there after you left. Did she say something to you again?”

I felt a twinge of jealousy and paused, feeling ashamed. I looked down at the necklace on my nightstand. What could I say? It wasn’t his fault that I felt this way.

“You did it again, didn’t you? You got all upset and you ran away.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling awful, “I’m really afraid of what might happen.”

“I didn’t even talk to her!” he cried.

I felt like an idiot, “It’s none of my business who you talk to.”

I could hear him sigh in frustration, “When do you leave?”

“Our flight takes off in a couple of hours.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No!” I said, a little too emphatically, “I’m not angry at anyone.” But I wanted to be. I wanted to yell at him, to tell him what she showed me and accuse him of treating me like her replacement. I wanted to allow all the hurt I was feeling to come pouring out. I controlled my voice, “I’m just nervous about what I’m going to be walking into.”

“It’ll be alright… You’re gonna do fine. Just be careful.”

My voice caught in my throat, “I’ll try.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I hung up and picked up the necklace, holding it in my palm for a few seconds. I slipped it into my purse.





Aunt Evie was all hugs and kisses when Shayla and I crossed the hallway to her apartment.

“Are you darling girls ready for Gay Paree?” she exclaimed.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Shayla laughed, catching my eye.

We took the elevator down to where Boris was waiting alongside a long black limo. There was already a driver inside, and after we climbed in he closed the door and sat up front, giving me a quick wink before closing the tinted glass partition. We drove through town, arriving at the airport.

I sat up and looked around when we passed by the main terminal, “Where are we going?”

“I have a surprise,” Evie smiled brightly, “I finally decided to pick up my own jet… the last two charters I took were absolutely abysmal… And you know, simply everyone has one nowadays.”

I was starting to realize how completely out of touch with reality Evie was.

We pulled up and parked next to a gleaming new jet, with a couple of crisply uniformed pilots standing at attention by the steps. Boris got out and started to unload our luggage from the limo. I looked around the tarmac at the other jets and private hangars, noticing an old blue truck driving along a gravel road behind a chain link fence in the distance. It reminded me of Ethan, and a fresh wave of sorrow and regret washed over me.

The truck stopped and I could see a figure get out of it. The fence was at least a hundred yards away, but I would know that walk anywhere. Without even thinking, I dropped my bag and sprinted across the asphalt, clearing the distance between us in record time.

When I reached him, his face was up against the fence, his fingers woven through the wire. I took his hands and we kissed through the fence, wire pressing into our faces.

He smiled at me, “They wouldn’t let me drive in. I thought I was gonna miss you.”

I didn’t know what to say, and I tried to blink back the hot tears that sprang into my eyes.

“Don’t cry,” he said softly, squeezing my hands.

“How did you find us?” I managed to choke out.

“I guessed… there weren’t any regular flights going to Paris.”

“You didn’t have to come all this way.”

“Yes I did,” he replied, and we kissed again as best we could.

“I don’t want to go.”

“I know,” he said, his eyes darting behind me. I turned to see Boris standing back a little ways, his arms folded across his chest. I lunged for Ethan’s lips again in desperation, as if I could somehow stave off the inevitable.

“Marina,” A deep voice called out, “It’s time.”

I sighed, and we pressed our heads together through the fence before I pulled away to reluctantly return to the plane. I trailed along behind Boris, looking back a couple of times to see Ethan standing still, watching me leave again.

Boris climbed in the plane after me and secured the door, taking a seat in the front as I looked around. There was a long couch with pillows and throws on one side, with a table separating a couple of comfortable looking recliner chairs covered in soft white leather. A bar sat at one end, backed up by a wall paneled in richly grained wood. It looked more like a fancy cocktail lounge than a plane. I could hear Evie’s voice in the cockpit, discussing some detail about our itinerary with the pilots.

I took a seat next to Shayla, and she swiveled to face me, grinning like she’d just won the lottery, “It still has that new plane smell,” she said.

I smiled wanly, craning my neck to see if Ethan’s truck was still there.

“Man, he must have really hauled ass to get here in time,” Shayla nodded.

“I suppose,” I said quietly.

“C’mon, don’t be bummed! We’re going to Paris! Ethan will be fine without you for a week!”

I nodded, thinking that wasn’t really the problem. I knew that he’d be busy with work. The election was coming up, and Abby was planning a massive get-out-the-vote drive. She was turning into a real task-master, and Dutch and Ethan would definitely be put to work.

I imagined Amber showing up to see him at the farmer’s market; I pictured how she would stalk him when I wasn’t around and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I was so tired of fighting it. My leaving right now was probably the safest thing for everyone involved. The way I was feeling, I knew he would be better off alone.

The problem was, I was afraid, and he wasn’t going to be around to calm me down.

The problem was, I wasn’t sure I could get by without him.