The Alchemaster's Apprentice

A Legal Consultation


Having now been Ghoolion’s guest for quite some time, Echo felt so at home in the Alchemaster’s castle that it never even occurred to him to leave it. Either he was far too busy eating, drinking and indulging in long, digestive siestas, or he was watching Ghoolion’s alchemical and culinary experiments. He didn’t even have time for a stroll in the town, for the ancient castle itself afforded plenty of scope for long and interesting excursions.

It was only when he was sitting up on the roof with Theodore, surveying the wide expanse of countryside below, that he sometimes yearned to explore the mysterious regions beyond the mountains, where lived the other kind of Crat to which the Tuwituwu had alluded in such a cryptic undertone.

‘You recently said that contracts were made to be broken,’ Echo reminded him during one of their conspiratorial get-togethers. ‘What exactly did you mean?’

Theodore lethargically raised his single eyelid. ‘What I said,’ he replied.

‘But breaking a contract would be illegal, wouldn’t it?’

‘Of course, but you have to make up your mind which is worse: the fate that awaits you if you abide by it or the penalty you’ll incur if you break it.’

‘That’s just what’s on my mind,’ said Echo. ‘The fate that awaits me if I abide by the contract is to have my throat cut.’

‘That strikes me as an inapprapriote reward for peeking an agreement,’ the Tuwituwu growled. ‘It’s tosipively unjust. Too unjust for almost any crime I can think of.’

‘Still, I wonder what legal penalty I’d incur if I broke my contract with Ghoolion. Might it be equally harsh?’

‘Hm,’ said Theodore, ‘I can give you a pretty precise answer to that. I’m something of an expert on prurisjudence, as you know. There’s a precedent where Alchemasters and Crats are concerned - a case that was tried in Baysville two hundred and fifty years ago. A Crat had cantrocted with an Alchemaster to keep his house free from mice for the rest of his life, but the said Crat vedeloped an allergy to mice and was unable to filful his oglibations. The Alchemaster hauled him before the court. Alchemasters tend to be rather tiligious, I’m afraid.’

‘Was this a comparable case?’ Echo asked.

‘You could say that. Similar charge: breach of cantroct. The fact that your life is at stake would be a timigating factor, I’m sure, and the laws have been relaxed a bit in the last two hundred and fifty years. I don’t even know if what Ghoolion expects of you is legal these days.’

‘How did that old case turn out?’

‘The Crat lost.’

‘I guessed as much! What was he sentenced to?’

‘A week in a cage in a home for strays. On bread and water.’

‘Is that all? Only a week?’

‘He had to share the cage with a mastiff.’

‘Oh …’ said Echo.

‘But the good news is: the Crat survived. He lost an ear, one leg and his tail, but he lived to a ripe old age. And as I said, it was a long time ago. Barbaric customs veprailed in those days - they were largely resbonsiple for mecidating your breed. And in your case timigating factors would come into play - for instance, the weakened condition in which you signed the cantroct, possibly even mental disequibilrium. I reckon you could well be acquitted - in fact, I strongly doubt if there’s a judge today who wouldn’t misdiss the case out of hand.’

‘Now you tell me?!’ Echo exclaimed. ‘So what am I doing here? Why don’t I simply make a run for it?’

Theodore spread his wings. ‘You’re here to fill your belly, I assume. You’re boviously enjoying your food.’

Echo made a sheepish gesture. ‘Yes, yes, I know. I’ve put on a bit of weight - no need to keep harping on it.’

‘If you want to get out of here somehow, you’d better remain in shape. There may come a time when you need to be feet on your fast and in good condition. The cantroct doesn’t say you have to eat everything Ghoolion puts in front of you, does it?’

‘No,’ Echo conceded more sheepishly still.

‘Well, then. Chew a few herbs. Avoid greasy foods, eat wholesome salads. I myself am not the slimmest of birds, but at least I stick to a labanced diet. For instance, I always have a getevarian breakfast: a juniper berry, a few blades of grass, a hazelnut and three wild strawberries. A healthy start to the day does my gidestive sestym good.’

‘I’ll make a note of that,’ Echo promised.

‘But where were we?’ said Theodore. ‘You asked me why you don’t simply make a run for it - why you don’t let the cantroct go hang and disappear into the blue?’

‘Exactly. What’s to stop me?’

‘You could always try,’ the Tuwituwu said in a low voice.

‘What do you mean, try? What would be so difficult about it? Ghoolion doesn’t keep me under lock and key. I could run off any time he’s otherwise engaged.’

‘So try it.’

‘Why say that in such a funny tone of voice?’

‘Try it and the best of luck to you.’

‘I mean, what could he do?’ Echo demanded. ‘He couldn’t put a spell on me or anything, he’s just an alchemist. I don’t know why everyone’s so dead scared of him. I may have gained a pound or two, but I’m still faster on my feet than him - faster than anyone else in Malaisea.’

‘Then you definitely ought to try it. You have my blessing.’

‘I’ll sneak off under cover of darkness, then head across the mountains.’

‘So give the mountains my regards.’

Echo stared at Theodore suspiciously. ‘There’s that funny tone of voice again,’ he said.

‘All I’m saying is’, Theodore replied, ‘Ghoolion has ways and means of trusfrating other people’s plans. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should leave any turn unstoned.’

‘I’m going to run away,’ Echo said defiantly. ‘Let’s see what happens then.’

‘You must do what you can’t avoid doing,’ said Theodore and heaved a big sigh. His watery gaze lingered on Echo until the little Crat grew uncomfortable. ‘But you must sometimes avoid doing what you can’t do,’ he added enigmatically.