The Stars Never Rise

“Shhh…” Finn put one finger across his lips while Reese dug a key from his pocket and opened the door. They let me go in first, and I stopped cold after four steps.

“This isn’t an empty unit. This apartment is furnished!” There were still pictures hanging on the walls. Keys on hooks by the pantry. Coats and scarves peeking out of an open closet.

“It’s empty now.” Devi pushed past me into the living room, then into the dining area, where she took off her jacket and draped it over the back of a chair. “Close the door.” She shot a look at Reese over my head, then focused on Finn as she walked backward toward the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower. When I get out, I want to talk to Maddock. Got it?”

Finn nodded and Reese locked the door.

Before I could start demanding explanations, the second of three doors in the tiny rectangle of hallway opened and a girl appeared, young, petite, and fresh-faced. She reminded me of Melanie, and that made my chest ache.

Her light brown curls bounced as she raced across the living area and threw herself at Reese, who actually had to lift her off the floor to give her the kiss she obviously wanted.

I couldn’t help but stare. Kids in New Temperance didn’t kiss in front of people. We kept our sins secret. We stored them in the dark with our hopes and our fears and everything else never meant to see the light of day.

“That’s Grayson,” Finn mock-whispered. “They’re…close.”

“So I see.” I looked away from them as if I saw couples kiss on the mouth every day. As if I weren’t scandalized by the fearless audacity of their affection. “Where’s Maddock?”

Reese set Grayson down, and she studied me for a moment, then looked up at Finn, her brown eyes narrowed in censure. “You didn’t tell her?”

“Come on.” Reese took Grayson’s hand. “Let’s give them a minute.”

“Why?” She frowned. Then her gaze traveled to where my hand was linked with Finn’s, and I dropped it, mortified to realize I’d grown so used to the feel of his hand that I’d forgotten I was holding it. “Ohhh…Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh? What’s uh-oh?” My chest felt bruised again. Something was wrong. “What’s wrong with Maddock? Is he scary-looking or something?”

Finn laughed, but the sound wasn’t natural. “Actually, he’s kinda pretty.”

Grayson let Reese pull her toward an open doorway, through which I could see the end of a double bed.

“Reese.” Finn dropped his duffel on the floor and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Do you mind?”

Reese turned to meet Finn’s gaze and frowned. Then he nodded. Grayson let go of his hand and gave Finn a small smile in acknowledgment of something I still didn’t understand, then went into the bedroom and closed the door.

“What?” Goose bumps had risen on my skin. Why did Reese get to stay, but not Grayson? What weren’t they telling me? “Where’s Maddock?”

Finn looked right into my eyes and he tried to grin, but the result looked more like nerves. “Um…The thing is…you’re looking at him.”





My eyes narrowed at Finn. “I don’t…I don’t know what that means.” I’d heard the words, but they didn’t make any sense.

Finn ran one hand through his hair. “I know. This is…This is harder than it’s ever been before. Um…” He glanced up at Reese, who stood pressed against the far wall as if he were trying to give us privacy without leaving the room. “You ready? I don’t know how else to do this.”

I twisted to see Reese nod. Once. Solemnly. When I turned back to Finn, his eyes were closed. They stayed closed for one of the longest seconds of my life.

When they finally opened, they were the wrong color.

Finn’s green eyes were now blue. Not blue-green. Not aqua. Bright blue, and as clear as the Caribbean Sea had looked in a film I’d seen in geography my freshman year.

“What the hell?” I took two steps back in confusion. Then I took three steps forward in fascination, and we were inches apart.

He blinked, once. Twice. Finn’s forehead furrowed, and then he backed away from me so fast he almost fell. “I…”

His newly blue eyes widened in bewilderment. He looked…lost.

“I…,” he said again. Then he looked over my head. “Devi!”

The bathroom door opened and Devi came out wrapped in a very short brown towel, her long, dark hair dripping wet. She didn’t seem to care that she was practically naked in front of two different guys, with all the lights on, and they seemed no more surprised to see her in a towel than I would have been surprised to see my sister in one, in the privacy of our own home.

But Devi wasn’t their sister, and this wasn’t their home, and they weren’t really family.

Did the boys walk around in towels too? I’d never seen a guy in as little as Devi wore.

And suddenly it occurred to me that even during the carnal rebellion following my sterilization, I’d actually seen and truly experienced very little.