“But I will not again. I intend to be faithful. Unless you wish otherwise?” He cocked his head. “Is there someone you were thinking of?”
She shook her head quickly. “Oh no. I’ve always known I wouldn’t get to choose, so it seemed silly to even think about it. And it’s not like young men in the court go out of their way to flirt with potential royal witches,” she said. “The rules are strict, after all. As we have discovered.”
“I would have thought perhaps that some of the older ones, the ones with actual chances of being granted a witch for a wife, might do some courting.”
“They try. Indirectly.” She wrinkled her nose. “But in truth, I tried to avoid such things. There was no one amongst the older lords who caught my attention. Some of them were kind to me, but nothing more. Believe me, I am happy with the queen-to-be’s choice. You’re not twenty years older than me, for a start.” She paused, realizing she actually had no idea how old he was.
“I’m seven and twenty,” he said. “If you were wondering.”
“I was going to look you up in the court records when I got a chance,” she said with a smile. “I know a little about your family but not enough. Ladies-in-waiting are taught court history, of course, but there’s so much of it.”
“I’m sure the Illusioners’ library will be full of tales of Inglewood scandals you can read about,” Cameron said. In addition to wielding their art to glamour and to hide and to seek secrets, the Illusioners were scholars and archivists.
“Are you scandalous?” she said.
“Any old family has scandals,” Cameron said. “My family stood with King Leo, but we were part of the court well before Leo’s reign. Long enough to cause some problems over the years.”
“So you’re continuing the family tradition?” she asked.
“My father’s view of the family tradition would be that it was get what you want by any means possible,” he said. “So accidentally acquiring a wife is not quite what he would approve of. If I’d planned it all out, he would have approved.” He smiled, the expression somewhat rueful again. “Though I’m sure he would have approved of you regardless of my part in the process.”
“Because I’m a witch?”
He nodded. “Honestly, yes. He arranged Liam’s marriage to his satisfaction, but I’m not sure Lucy was quite to his taste.”
“And you, did he have plans for you?” she asked, amused.
“I’m sure he did,” Cameron said, voice going flat.
Idiot, she thought. Making jests about his not-yet-dead-a-week father. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine losing my parents. I wish I could make it easier for you.”
“You do.” He smiled then, and she was, once again, startled by just how much it changed his face when he smiled and meant it. With how handsome her husband-to-be was. And how much she wished he would touch her again. Make everything go away again. If only for a little while. Impulsively, she leaned forward, laid her hand on his. Left it there.
Watched him as they touched. Saw his pupils flare dark in the blue eyes, just as she was sure hers did. Just two hands touching, and yet it made her want him badly. She barely knew how sex should be between two people. She only knew how it had been between them. But she didn’t know if this hunger was usual. How much of it was power and how much of it was them? It was difficult to care when just a simple touch could feel so good.
Cameron sucked in a breath and then lifted her hand away. “I think it’s best if we avoid that. Until we’re married, I mean.”
“Why?” she said, not ready to let the feeling go. “We’re already going to be married. We can’t make things any worse, can we?”
“Perhaps not. But the queen-to-be wants this to be quiet. Simple. Hard to avoid a scandal if someone catches us doing . . .”
Did that mean he wanted to? Right now? As much as she did? It was a pleasing thought. Maybe he had been sharing a bed with someone else before. But she intended to keep him in hers now. Maybe she had been power-crazed, but having him inside her in the open with no bed and no time had felt so good that she was more than willing to try again. What might it be like to share a bed with him with nights and nights—a lifetime, really—to explore each other?
The ladies-in-waiting talked about men, of course. More frankly than those men might be happy to hear. But they were still somewhat circumspect in front of those who, like Sophie, were unmarried. She had overheard Beata talking about books once, though. Books meant to instruct married couples. If such things existed, then the Illusioners’ library, which was meant to hold a copy of every book in Anglion, seemed a likely place to find them. They sought knowledge. Knowledge was power, after all.
And she was becoming tired of feeling as though everyone around her thought they could control her. To distract herself from thoughts of Cameron and marriage, she made herself return to the other topic that was consuming her. Magic. The Domina was teaching her how to use hers, but Sophie was certain there were many things she wasn’t being told.
“Can I ask you something else?” she said.
“Of course.”
“The Domina said something about my power being tangled with yours. Do you know what she meant?”
He shook his head. “No. I’m sorry. I know about battle magic but never had need to study the other arts. I showed no aptitude for illusions.” He paused, looking thoughtful.
Damn. She had hoped he understood better than she. She was starting to think earth magic involved entirely too much secrecy. If she’d known more about the realities of her power, then neither of them would be in this position, after all.