Cameron didn’t look convinced either. “Are you sure of that? You’ll excuse me for being blunt, milady, but you have power. Your value in court just went up immeasurably. You will be married. And nobles expect virgin brides.”
Sophie stiffened. She knew what nobles expected. But she also knew that there was no easy way to tell if a girl was a virgin. Eloisa and her ladies talked frankly, filling in the gaps of her official teachings about marital duties. She knew that not all girls bled the first time. “My husband, whoever he may be, will be getting a royal witch for a bride. He is unlikely to make a fuss. Besides, the princess—” She broke off, as Cameron’s expression shut down even further at the word “princess.” Something cold settled in her stomach. Why did he look like that? “Besides,” she said, starting again, “it’s likely the court has bigger issues than me right now. If we do not say anything, we won’t be discovered.”
“I hope you’re right, milady,” Cameron said. “And I apologize. Again. I should not have treated you that way.”
She gaped at him. Treated her? That’s what he was calling it. There was a hard, hot knot of humiliation forming in her belly. But she ignored it and the heat that wanted to flare in her cheeks. “I was hardly unwilling, Lieutenant,” she said coldly.
“You were confused by the power.”
“In which case, so were you, I presume, if you felt it in the same way I did. So if anyone is to blame, it is me. I’m the one who touched the ley line. I’m the one who will take any blame. I’m sorry that you found it . . . objectionable.”
He swore then, or at least, she thought the rolling Carnarveine dialect syllables were curses. They sounded like curses.
“As I said, it wasn’t objectionable, milady. But it was a mistake. One we can’t repeat. So to be safe, you will not touch me again unless there is an immediate risk. Is that clear?”
It was perfectly clear from his tone. Clear that he had no desire to touch her again. That he wanted to be free of her. Probably couldn’t wait to get her back to the capital and see her safely married before what they had shared could become a problem. He’d probably rather cut off his far-too-honorable hand than touch her again. Which sent another boiling surge of guilt and humiliation into her gut. Because she still wanted to touch him. “Yes, Lieutenant,” she said. “You’ve made your point.”
His hand curled at his side a moment, the knuckles stark white against the darker skin. “Good. Then I think we should be on our way. Go and change if your other clothes are dry. I’ll get the horses ready.”
Cameron was careful not to touch Sophie skin to skin again as they made their way to the portal. His horse seemed to have lost the limp overnight, but he still made sure to take things a little more slowly than he would otherwise have liked. It was nearing midday when they neared the portal, and several times he’d had to block Sophie’s path when she had turned toward a ley line.
She’d been flustered and apologetic each time it happened, but at the same time, he’d seen the hunger in her eyes as he’d led her horse away from the temptation. The same hunger he’d seen this morning when she’d looked at him. The same hunger that had led to his utter . . . well, he wasn’t sure it was stupidity, because once that surge of power had swept through them, it hadn’t been a conscious decision on his part to—he shied away from the thought of what he’d actually done. Gone and fucked a virgin royal witch. On the ground. In the open. When they were supposed to be running for their lives. Granted, the mere fact that he’d laid hands on her—and more—was the gravest part of his sin, but the way he’d let her response to the power take him off guard was at best carelessness.
It wasn’t as though he’d been trained in how to handle a royal witch on her twenty-first birthday. In the normal fashion, by the time a royal witch who had manifested was presented to the court, she had already been attended by the temple and dedicated to the goddess. Which presumably gave her control of her power, because he’d never been to a birthday celebration or heard of one that had broken out into an orgy, despite the fact that several ley lines ran through the foundations of the castle.
But he did know that the first taste of power could be heady. He should have at least thought about the possibility that Sophie might have that sort of reaction. But no. He’d been too busy trying to figure out what their next moves must be to think it through properly. His old squad commander would have had him serving night duty in the coldest corner of the castle for months for that sort of failure. The Red Guard were taught to think of all the possibilities that might eventuate and then think of some more.
He’d failed that particular charge last night. And worse this morning.
He’d taken her. Or maybe she’d taken him. He didn’t know exactly what had happened. But the outcome was the same regardless.
Still, there was nothing he could do to take back what had happened. His body tightened even remembering, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he would take it back if he could. It had been . . . incredible. Overwhelming. He’d thought they might just both go up in flames, the fierceness of it and the leap of his power to answer hers even stronger than it was with Elly.
Goddess. Elly. They’d made no promises to each other about keeping chaste. She could make no promises to him, after all, besides temporary admittance to her bed, but he felt guilty all the same. Sophie—Lady Sophia, as he was trying to force himself to think of her—was one of her ladies and a protégée of a sort.
So he’d managed to royally fuck things up.