"I stole the blade because I wanted to meet you," Uncle Jake explained. "I have been all over the world and have seen a lot of women but the rumors of your beauty could not be ignored. I had to risk my life to see if those rumors were true."
"Nonsense." The princess giggled. "I've seen the celebrity magazines that float down here from your world. I know I'm not as thin as they are."
"Those women don't hold a candle to you," Uncle Jake replied. "Why, I bet if you came up to the surface you'd be in one of those magazines, too."
"Every word that comes out of your mouth is a filthy lie," the princess snapped. Sabrina gulped. It seemed as if Uncle Jake's plan had fallen apart, until the mermaid's face softened and a wide smile appeared. "And I love every single one of them."
Uncle Jake looked over at Sabrina and winked. Their uncle had his own magic inside him. He was one of the most charming men she had ever met.
"I know what I did was wrong, but I'm glad I did it. Too bad you're going to kill us, though. I would have loved to go back to the surface and tell that ex-boyfriend of yours how gorgeous you still are. He lives in town. I hear he lost all his hair and moved back in with his mom. He's pathetic. He got just what he deserved."
"You say he is miserable?"
"Oh, yes. Just a shell of the man he once was," Uncle Jake replied.
The Little Mermaid smiled. "I wish I could see his face when you tell him how great I am doing."
"I could take a picture and bring it back," Uncle Jake offered.
The princess giggled mischievously. "That's a very tempting offer."
"Since I would be going up there and coming back anyway, you could lend me your portion of the Vorpal blade. Once I'm done with it, I could bring it back to you with the picture and we can laugh at how stupid your loser ex looks."
The Little Mermaid and Uncle Jake laughed together.
"All right, you naughty boy," the princess said. "You've got yourself a deal. You are free to go and you can take the blade, too.
"Oh, I knew you would be wonderful!" Daphne said, clapping her hands. "I saw the movie they made about you. It was so romantic!"
Uncle Jake put his hand over the little girl's mouth but it was too late. The Little Mermaid's face turned red and contorted with anger.
"Romantic!
Oh, yes, it was romantic. Unfortunately, it never happened!
There was no happily ever after for me. He dumped me and ran off to marry some tart."
"But he's bald now, princess," Uncle Jake said. "Repugnant. Lives in his parents' basement. Remember?"
"He threw a lot of pretty words around but he didn't really mean them. He got my hopes up and then he left me for the first thing with feet that came along. But what should I have expected from a topsider? My parents tried to warn me. My sisters did, too. All topsiders are the same. They're nothing but a bunch of liars."
"Your majesty. It's obvious you are upset," Sabrina cried. "We'll just take the blade and go."
"As I suspected! You're not down here to give me compliments," the overstuffed princess growled. She reached over and seized the Vorpal blade piece. "All you want is this!
Feed them to the Cruel Crustacean!"
The merman guards rushed to a huge wooden wheel that protruded from a nearby wall. Together they struggled to turn it, and as they did, the floor beneath the family disappeared and the Grimms sank into the waters below. They tried to swim back into the throne room, but a dozen vicious-looking merman guards blocked the way. Trapped, the family floated down to the sandy floor below and looked around.
"This is bad, right?" Sabrina said, eyeing the dark chamber they found themselves in. "Anything called the Cruel Crustacean can't be looking for a hug."
"Just stay close," Uncle Jake said.
"Look!" Daphne cried as an enormous creature took its first step into the light. It was as big as Granny Relda's house, with eight fat legs that ended in spikes. Its eyes protruded from two long, armlike stalks that wiggled back and forth. It had a massive shell on its back and when it took a step, the ground beneath the family rumbled. Sabrina recognized the monster for what it was. The Chinese restaurant on the corner near their apartment in Manhattan had a much smaller one in a tank by the register. It was a hermit crab, a really big hermit crab.
"Oh, I am going to have some really wicked nightmares after this," said Daphne.
Sabrina looked around the chamber. "There's nowhere to hide in here. What are we going to do?"
Uncle Jake took off his overcoat and dropped it at the girls' feet. "I'll fight this thing off as long as I can." He rushed forward, shouting at the ugly beast to distract it from the sisters.
Sabrina snatched her Uncle's overcoat and searched through its pockets. "There's got to be something here that will help." She pulled out a red brooch with a black eye painted in the middle. She held it up and for a brief moment it glowed with power, but then it fizzled out. Sabrina grimaced and shoved it back into the pocket. She found a little black marble hidden in another pocket and threw it at the monster, hoping for some enormous explosion, but it bounced off the hermit crab's shell and was buried in the sand.
"What was that supposed to do?" Daphne asked.