Sabrina craned her neck to see the princess, but just then an outrageously overweight mermaid swam through the doors and blocked her view. It wasn't until two mermen helped the enormous half-woman/half-fish onto the throne that Sabrina realized she was indeed looking at the legendary Little Mermaid. It took her assistants several minutes to get the princess into her seat and then several minutes more for the mermaid to get comfortable.
When she was done, she was wheezing like a teakettle. Still, her overabundant body couldn't hide the beauty she was. She had big blue eyes and a mane of gorgeous red hair that flowed to her ankles. She wore a seashell bikini top and an aquamarine sarong. On her head was a pearl-encrusted tiara.
"That's the
Little
Mermaid?" Sabrina said quietly to Uncle Jake.
Uncle Jake nodded. "The breakup was very hard on her. She turned to food for comfort."
The princess picked up a conch shell sitting on the armrest of her throne and blew into it. A low rumbling note filled the air.
"I am hungry. I want a treat," she demanded.
The skinny merman with the tablet approached the throne. "Your highness, if you will recall, last week you instructed me to not allow you to snack between meals. You told me to kill anyone who offers you anything that isn't on your diet."
"I'm rescinding that order," the princess said. "I want a treat. I've been good all day. I had my seaweed smoothie for breakfast and lunch and I swam on the treadmill for twenty minutes. I want a treat. I deserve a treat."
"But, your majesty…"
"Treat!"
she roared.
"Now!"
"Very well, your highness," the merman said with a worried face. "Bring the princess a treat!"
A second merman soldier shouted, "Bring the princess a treat!" followed by another and another. Soon, the side door flew open and a lowly merman wearing a chef's hat and a white apron swam into the hall with a dented silver platter. He bowed before the princess, took the lid off, and presented a bright pink cake with squiggly tentacles poking out of the sides. She snatched it from him with greedy fingers.
"It's anemone upside-down cake, your majesty," the chef said nervously. He bowed deeply, left the platter, and hurried off. The princess took a big bite of the odd cake. Sabrina knew her grandmother would die to have the recipe.
"Oh, it's heavenly," the little mermaid said with her mouth full. "I think I'll have another tiny bite."
She ate another, and then another, and another until the whole cake was gone. She looked down at the empty platter and started to cry.
"My lady," the skinny merman said nervously. "What brings you to tears?"
"I'm fat!" she, cried. "Look at me! I used to be thin! How could you let me eat that cake?"
"But, your majesty…"
"It's the chef's fault. I want you to feed him to the Cruel Crustacean!"
"But, your majesty. He's your favorite chef."
Cruel Crustacean!"
she roared.
"Now!"
"Feed the chef to the Cruel Crustacean!" the merman assistant shouted. It was quickly repeated throughout the room until a hulking guard ran out the side door with his trident.
"What's the Cruel Crustacean?" Daphne whispered.
Sabrina shrugged. "Uncle Jake, do something."
"What?"
"I don't know. You said you were good with women. You figure it out," Sabrina said.
Uncle Jake smiled. "Your majesty, I think you're being too hard on yourself. I don't think you're fat. I think you're beautiful."
One of the merman guards stuck his trident dangerously close to Uncle Jake's throat.
"Silence!"
he shouted. "You will not speak until the princess has given you permission."
"Who are these topsiders?" the mermaid asked as she licked the crumbs off her fingers.
"These are the ones who stole your portion of the Vorpal blade," the skinny merman explained to the princess. He set the broken sword on the throne and then backed away.
"Is this true, topsider? Defend yourself!" the Little Mermaid demanded.
"Yes, I stole it," Uncle Jake said. "But the girls had nothing to do with it."
"You are confessing to your crime?" the Little Mermaid said, surprised. "Most of the topsiders I have met are liars. Why would you admit your guilt and face almost certain death?"
"We need the blade to stop a Jabberwocky that is terrorizing the town," Uncle Jake said.
"Why would that concern me?" the mermaid said. "Let the monster destroy your town for all I care. Topsiders deserve no less! You are guilty! Feed them to the Cruel Crustacean!"
The guards seized the Grimms.
"Wait!" Uncle Jake cried. "There was another reason I did it."
"Let him speak," the princess said.
Uncle Jake stammered but then smiled and said, "I have a crush on you!"
Daphne stepped forward. "It's true. You're all he talks about."
"Twenty-four hours a day," Sabrina added nervously.
"He thinks you're a total hottie!" Daphne added as sincerely as she could. "He wants to marry you and have a million merbabies."
"You're pushing it a bit far," Uncle Jake muttered to the little girl.
"Is this true?" the princess said. Even in the dim underwater light Sabrina could see her blushing.