I looked away. “And for all I tried, I could not fit in here. I was perpetually viewed as an outsider. No amount of work or knowledge made any of them see me as a true jungler. Perhaps I am a coward. But after two years, I simply could not bear it any longer. I left the jungle, intending to slowly work my way north toward Lanare. That’s when the viscount happened upon me.”
“Rejected in two homes,” said Frederic. “Evie, I cannot imagine…” He stepped toward me, and my breath hitched in my throat. The sounds of the jungle seemed to go quiet around us, and this time it was me who could not tear my eyes from his lips. Neither of us moved to touch the other, but we stood a single breath apart. If I leaned forward, I would be in his arms.
Heat raced over me as my mind scrambled unsuccessfully to retrieve the thread of our conversation.
“Evie,” he said again, so quietly I could barely hear the word despite our nearness. The sound of it broke my heart.
“Evie, I…”
For a desperate moment, I thought he would close the distance between us and press his lips against mine, but instead he stepped abruptly backward, gave me a small bow and retreated the way he had come.
I stood alone and reeling, heat and cold chasing each other around my body. What had just happened? What had I done?
But I already knew what I had done. For all the warnings I had given myself, for all I had tried to hold back, I had become too entangled with the royals. And while it was their rejection I had feared, it was something far worse that had happened. I had fallen in love with the crown prince of Lanover. A person who would never in a hundred years consider wedding an orphan who could not find even a small corner of his vast kingdom that would accept her.
I wandered for hours without paying attention to my surroundings, only returning for the evening meal. Why was I always unable to play the appropriate role for my surroundings? I could not be a good islander, a good jungler, a good trader, even a good daughter. And now I could not be a good seamstress, one who knew her place and kept to it. No wonder I had never been accepted anywhere.
Celine took one look at my no doubt pale face and dragged me to bed early.
“Frederic mentioned you once lived here,” she said once we were safely inside our tent. “Which made me realize how wise I was to recruit you for my secret mission. It seems you’ve been everywhere and know everyone.”
I stared at her in confusion until horrified understanding broke over me. I could not talk to her of potential brides for Frederic on this of all days.
“Oh, no, I lived on the other side of the jungle,” I said. “I know no one here.”
She waved my words away. “But you know junglers. Have you spotted any likely candidates?”
She sat on her temporary bed and gave me her full attention. I collapsed on my pallet, feeling suddenly shaky.
“I…I can’t…say that I have.” My dry mouth made the words stick in my throat.
She narrowed her eyes. “Whatever is the matter, Evie?”
When I said nothing, she got up and came to sit beside me. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. Is it something to do with Frederic? I saw him follow you into the jungle, and he came back out looking as if he had stumbled on a python.”
I flushed. What did that mean? Had he been horrified by what nearly happened between us?
Celine chuckled. “And now you look just the same. What? Did he try to kiss you or something?” She chortled again while I froze.
Her laugh slowly died away, and her eyes grew larger and larger.
“He did! Oh my goodness! He tried to kiss you! Or, wait, did he actually kiss you?” She gripped my arms in her excitement. “Frederic, of all people! I can’t believe it!”
“No!” I cried, frantically shaking my head. “No, of course he did not. I didn’t mean…I never said…”
Celine looked closely at my face. “Ha! I knew it! You’re in love with him.”
“Celine!” I stood up, but she pulled me back down.
“Oh, don’t be silly. You can trust me. I knew it anyway.” She looked smug. “Although I didn’t suspect he’d do anything so dramatic.”
“He did not, truly he did not.” I chewed the inside of my cheek while my eyes pleaded with her to believe me.
“Oh, very well, he did not.” She smiled. “But you are in love with him. And he’s in love with you.”
I shook my head, looking down into my lap. “No, he’s not.”
“Oh, poo.” She scrunched up her nose. “He’s a wet blanket that’s for certain, but I think I know my own brother.”
“I really don’t think he is.”
She looked at me with knit brows. “I see. So we need to get him to admit it, then. Maybe even to himself.”
I looked up at her sharply. “Celine!”
She stood up and laughed again. “Don’t look so concerned. I’ll be ever so subtle, I promise.”
Misgiving seized me. I should never have let her see my reaction to her earlier words. It had been a day of mistakes.
“Why do you think I asked for your help?” she went on, striding up and down the small tent. “Well, I do legitimately need your help for Cassian, of course. I still can’t imagine who might fall in love with him. But I could see from that first day in your shop that Frederic was struck with you. I just thought the two of you might need a little help.”
I shook my head in bewilderment.
“I’m very observant,” she added with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
“Celine, you shouldn’t be talking this way. Your brother is a prince. The crown prince. And I am a seamstress. One without a family, remember?”
She shook her head, not in the least cast down. “Evie, surely you know that’s not how these things work. You know the godmothers help princes and princesses find their true loves. Rank is unimportant. If a kingdom is to prosper, it must be ruled by true love. Those are the rules.”
I raised an eyebrow at her, and she grinned back at me. “Besides, all three of my sisters and my other brother have all made eminently suitable noble and royal matches ensuring all sorts of excellent treaties for Lanover. There aren’t even any more eligible princesses left. Which means, Frederic’s only job as crown prince to ensure the well-being of his realm, is to marry his true love.”
I shook my head again. “That isn’t me, Celine. It couldn’t possibly be.” I actually laughed, although the sound held no humor. “I’m not princess material, let alone queen. And I’m not true love material, either.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” the younger girl said briskly. “Of course you are. And now I just need to get Frederic to see it.”
“Celine, please.” I tried one last time without much hope of being heeded.
She continued to stride up and down. “You know, you’re even an orphan,” she pointed out. “With a horrible, downtrodden life.”
“Celine!”
She grinned. “Sorry. But my point is that you’re just the type to have a godmother, too. Are you sure you don’t?”
I stood up as well and faced her, my hands on my hips. “Of course I’m sure.”
“Not even a godmother object?”
The objects of power dispensed by the godmothers were usually handed down from generation to generation as heirlooms, even long after their magic had been exhausted. Celine didn’t know how humorous it was to suggest that I, the most homeless of orphans, might have such an item.
“No.”
“Sorry,” she said again, absently this time. “Perhaps they knew you didn’t need one. That you’d be able to captivate Frederic all on your own.”
I swallowed, trying to guard my mind and heart before I started believing her talk of my captivating Frederic. I had far too much bitter experience with false hope. Because despite what Celine said, even if Frederic did have some passing interest in me, surely it was only because we were traveling in such close proximity. That didn’t make me his true love.
Chapter 16