Though Bailiff Tom had made it seem as if people already had evil thoughts about her and Lord le Wyse.
Annabel started to read, but she’d only spoken a few words when Gilbert came in and apologized for interrupting. He said he had something to ask Lord le Wyse about the castle’s foundation. Lord le Wyse stood and he and Gilbert spoke for several minutes, discussing various aspects of the construction.
Finally, Lord le Wyse came back to where Annabel had been sitting and pondering what they had read the previous night.
“Pray excuse the interruption. You may read now.”
Lord le Wyse seemed to be in a kinder mood. Now might be a good time to pose some questions.
“May I ask you something, my lord?”
He looked at her suspiciously again.
“Forgive me, my lord. I will read, but I wanted to know if the Bible agrees with what Sir Matefrid, our priest, says. Does the Bible say we are all evil and should go about our lives with solemnity and guilt?”
He seemed to consider her question a moment. “The Bible says we have all sinned. We should all repent. But no, the Bible doesn’t constantly tell us we are evil. God says we are righteous because he is able to make us righteous. He says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, and all who call on his name will be saved.”
These were comforting words indeed. And how wonderful to know the Bible well enough to speak of it the way Lord le Wyse spoke. He still didn’t look angry, so she asked another question.
“When we see God, do you think he will be terrifying? Does the Bible say we’ll be afraid of him? Or do you think we will see him and be glad?”
Lord le Wyse’s eyebrows drew together. “Certainly God will strike terror into some hearts. But the Bible portrays God as a loving father to his children. It says he is compassionate and slow to anger, and patient with us. I believe we will be happy to see him. The Psalms say of God, ‘May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you.’ “
So we are supposed to rejoice! She almost felt as if she were dreaming, it was so good to finally talk with someone about these things. “Are there descriptions of hell in the Bible, like the scene on the wall of the Glynval church?”
“There are some descriptions, but perhaps not as graphic as what I’ve seen on cathedral walls.”
How strange. The priest seemed to want to frighten everyone with condemnation. Every Sunday he accused, he berated, he terrified her into thinking God was harsh and unloving. He seemed to be trying to convince himself, as well as the whole village, that women were evil by nature and not to be trusted. But the Bible taught good news. It wasn’t all about condemnation and punishment.
“Not all priests preach like yours here.” Lord le Wyse interrupted her thoughts.
“Oh.”
“I have heard a great many uplifting and encouraging sermons, but your priest’s sermon on Sunday was neither. However, his type of sermonizing is more typical, I’m afraid.”
His eyes narrowed as he continued to study her. “You are very intelligent and educated. You surely do not want to stay in Glynval all your life, to be a servant or to marry one of these boorish village men. What is it you want?”
Annabel fidgeted with her apron. It was such a surprising thing for her lord to ask. What could she say? Could she tell him her deepest wish?
While she was still wondering how to reply, he said, “This isn’t what you were brought up to do, after all. Are you unhappy?”
“Oh, no.” She couldn’t let him think that she was ungrateful. “Mistress Eustacia is very kind to me.”
Lord le Wyse shifted in his chair. “Do you miss your home, your mother and brothers? Would you go back there if I forgave your family’s debt?”
“I — “ She felt confused. Why was he asking her this? “I do miss my home, but it is only just and fair that I am here. I want to give what I owe. After all, Jesus says we should do more than our share, not less.” He looked at her attentively, and so after a short pause, she went on, choosing her words carefully. “You asked me what I want. What I wanted most was to read the Bible. For the past three years I’ve wanted to be a nun, to study the Holy Writ and take my vows.”
She scrutinized Lord le Wyse’s face just as he was studying hers. He might think she was hoping he would take an interest in sending her to an abbey. And perhaps, after her three years of service to him, he would consider helping her enter a convent.
It may have been her imagination, but his features seemed to visibly soften after she said she wanted to be a nun. He relaxed against the back of his chair, casting a shadow over his face so that she couldn’t read his expression or see if he was still studying her face.
“You want to be a nun,” he said softly. “You are aware it costs money to enter a convent. Something your family does not have.”