They sat together in silence again after that, lost in separate thoughts. After a while, Panther reached over and put his arm around her, and she leaned into him. “You mind if I stay with you for tonight?” he asked her.
“I wish you would.”
A little while later, they nestled down together with the blankets wrapped close about them. They lay spoon-fashion for warmth, with Panther pressed up against her from behind. When he reached up and gently touched the scales on her cheek, she did not move his hand away.
THEY ROSE WITH THE DAWN, ate their breakfast, and packed their gear. When everything was ready, they shouldered their packs and stood looking at each other awkwardly. The sun was a bright glow across the eastern mountains, and the air was bright and clear and sharp with the cold wind blowing down from the north. Cheney stood nearby, watching them.
Panther shivered. “So you really gonna do this, huh?”
She nodded. Rabbit romped past, chasing a moth. She reached down and picked up the cat and cradled him to her. “Good-bye, Panther. Tell the others . . . tell them whatever you think is best.”
“Well, let’s you and me talk about that.”
She shook her head, holding out one hand in warning. “Don’t start. I told you. I’m not going back.”
“Okay, I got that.”
“What, then?”
He shrugged. “Been thinking. Last night, while you slept, I was awake awhile, going over everything you said. It made me look at things different than I did before. See, you and me, we’re more alike than you know. I don’t like being closed away, either. I’m used to doing what I want, going where I want, not having any rules that I don’t like. Makes me different from Hawk and the others. They like having rules. They like having walls and doors and feeling safe. I wasn’t raised like that. I’ve always been free. Thinking about what I’m doing, maybe committing to living in a place that’s like a compound, makes me uneasy. More than uneasy, really.”
Her brow furrowed. “What are you saying?”
“That I don’t think I’m going back, either. I’m going with you.”
She stared at him without speaking. She clasped her hands and twisted the fingers together.
“Maybe this sounds crazy,” he continued, “but it’s not. It makes sense. Anyway, it’s more than that. I was wondering why I came after you, remember? Told you that last night. Well, I think it’s because I knew somewhere deep inside that I wanted to be with you. Only way to make that happen is to go where you go.”
“No.” She shook her head firmly. “You don’t want to go with me. You want to go back to the others. They need you. I don’t.”
He smiled. “Thought you’d say something like that. But I don’t think it’s true. I think you do need me.”
She sighed and turned away. “Good-bye, Panther.”
She started walking, but he caught up with her in seconds. “We got to find some warmer clothes along the way. Forage for some food and water, too. I brought a map. Took it from the caravan stores, thinking I might find use for it. It can help us locate a city somewhere along the way, someplace large enough for stores and stuff.”
“You’re not coming with me,” she repeated.
“Probably not right away. Probably I’m just going in the same direction.”
“This is crazy.”
“No, it ain’t. Not when you care about someone like I care about you.”
They walked for a while with neither of them speaking further. Catalya was huddled down inside her cloak and hood, and Panther could barely catch a glimpse of her face. He let her be. Better to wait on this, he thought.
Then all of a sudden she stopped where she was, set Rabbit on the ground, and turned to face him. He could see the tear tracks on her cheeks. “You understand, we can’t ever have a normal . . . not ever be like other . . .” She couldn’t finish. She just shook her head in frustration. “It can’t ever be more than what it is right now. For us. For you and me.”
He shrugged. “Guess we’ll have to wait and see. I don’t need to know about that right now anyway.” He reached out and wiped away one damp track from her cheek. “But if that’s how it turns out, that will be enough. I ain’t asking for anything else.”
She studied him again, as if trying to see past whatever was visible, and then she nodded slowly. “I see you brought your Parkhan Spray. The barrel’s sticking out of your backpack. You must have broken it down to carry it like that.”
“Yeah, I did,” he admitted.
“You have to promise you won’t use it unless I tell you to.”
“Hey, this is your journey, Kitty Cat. You the one in charge. I’m just along for company.”
“What about the other Ghosts? What about your family? They’re going to wonder what’s happened to you, aren’t they?”
He shook his head. “They’re smarter than they look. They’ll know.”
“Speaking of which.” She pointed at Cheney, still sitting a few yards off, watching.
“Well, he’s got to go back by his own self.” Panther gestured at the dog. “Go home, Cheney. Go back to the Bird-Man.”
Cheney stared at him and didn’t move.